When walls need to come down

Watching a light of recognition dawn in his eyes, I breathed easy for the first time in days, though I knew we still had a long way to go in our understanding of one another's perspectives.

Pictures from the past were drawn in varied shades and hues. Neither of us saw exactly the same image on the screens of our minds.

As streams emerging from the same Source, we had every expectation of converging together in a river of reflection; instead, we meandered tangentially into rivulets of our own making.

How had we arrived here? Barriers were breaking and walls crumbling before our very eyes.

Conversation crept into those private places where we feared to tread. And I heeded these words, "We tend to wall off our hearts in the aftermath of pain".

The prison we know can feel safer than freedom as its walls close round us with comforting familiarity.

After 38 years wedded and bedded, we were gradually becoming more emotionally intimate than ever before about our sexual intimacy.

While my beloved had viewed our courtship and surrender to one another through seemingly rosy-tinted lenses, I wore such dark glasses they had obscured all truth as he saw it.

Now, I had to refresh my vision and version of events as seen by one who had transferred much of the guilt from the childhood emotional and sexual abuse she received on to the very person she should have trusted most.

I was discovering more about how "we can live in reaction to a negative relational experience and eventually stagnate, or we can ask God to compel us forward to a kingdom goal".

Retreating into my own worldview wasn't helping me to see or accept my husband's. I had to dare risk being wrong, or misguided at least. "When we're hurt we tend to retreat, nurse wounds, or lash out" and I had done all three. 

How would it look to "turn to God in praise instead?" or is that too much to ask of a heart at war with itself? Maybe. Though "eventually we have to choose to move forward".

This marriage had been cluttered from the start. Perhaps now it was time to shift the luggage, send past thoughts and fears packing and begin with a lighter load?

For past relational baggage "should not define us, nor should the pain from it inform the way we interact with or withdraw from others" because it "strangles our ability to live freely today".

As I begin to embrace a fresh perspective, asking God to renew my mind by the light of His word, making a conscious choice to move forward rather than cling to familiar, He is giving me all the grace I need to see things as He sees them - and it is good.

I want to break free. I want to live an uncaged, open-hearted life. To live, love and give as God desires me to as wife and lover, mother (and grandma-to-be), friend and helper to others.

And in the process, "living without walls means becoming more proactive in the way we deal with hurt" which can only serve to aid with healing those broken places in our hearts and lives.

So what are we to do?

With all quotes given here coming from Mary de Muth's just released book, 'The Wall Around Your Heart', I will answer with her words of wisdom:

"If you have a wall firmly built around your heart, ask Jesus, the great gateway, to make a doorway through. He is the gate. He is the avenue leading toward a rich and satisfying life - not a stingy walled-off life".

I have been greatly helped in seeing walls beginning to crumble in my own life since I've read, digested and prayed over this book, asked God to come into the situations and make me willing to allow Him access to all areas.

I am still very much a work in progress, but some way on from where I used to be. My growing awareness of these walls can be found here.

And I long for you to be set free too, my friend. A walled-in life is one of misery and a walling-off from the liberty which Christ died to give us.

"If therefore the Son makes you free, you are free indeed" ~ John 8:36

Because I strongly believe in the reality of being set free in Christ, and the way Mary de Muth's message can aid in the process of becoming free and living a life without walls, I am giving away a free copy of 'The Wall Around Your Heart' here.

All you have to do to be in with a chance is to leave a comment below and your name will be put into a random draw, with the winner being announced here soon after.

To find out more about why Mary wrote 'The Wall Around Your Heart' (speaking from her own and the experiences of others) and why she desires us to live without walls, please click here.

**NOTE** - Having been privileged to read a pre-release copy of this book and be part of its launch team, I can wholeheartedly recommend it on a personal basis.

You can buy a copy here in the UK or if you live elsewhere you can buy it here. It is also available from Barnes & Noble.

Linking here with Laura at Missional Women Faith Filled Friday

*********

Maybe there are walls in your own life that need to come down? They could be walls of:guilt, shame, unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, resentment, or _____ (fill in the blank)

Could this be the time to co-operate with God and see those walls crumble brick by brick to release you into a more open-hearted way of life? 

Beauty in brokenness

Welcome to Five Minute Friday, a great creative exercise which yields surprising richness in a short space of time.

This is where we write from the heart as words pour out as water, spilling on to the page with no worry about over-thinking or perfection.

Today's prompt is:'Broken'

START...

Broken Image

Seeing a mirror image

flawed, imperfect

drowning in brokenness

where we see cracks

 you see courage

where we see flaws

you see a flood of forgiveness

where we see holes

you see opportunities to fill

our woundedness 

mirroring your own

as you took human flesh

our brokenness 

like your body

pierced and torn

wearing our darkness

corruption within

and now we lift eyes 

still hesitant to view

ourselves afresh in you

for you see 

beauty in ashes

hope in despair

joy in grief

perseverance 

through pain

and you bring 

restoration

of all we have lost

broken lives

minds and bodies

can be healed 

and made new

let love embrace

let grace repair

all broken places

we despair of 

ever being mended

seeing in the glass 

darkly here

until you lift the veil

reveal the glory

your light within

make us whole again

let us know that

renewal, hope

and healing is here

if we only look

away from ourselves

and up to you

the Mirror 

of our wholeness

©JoyLenton2013

STOP

Linking here with Lisa-Jo Baker and with Missional Women Faith Filled Friday.

You are very welcome and warmly encouraged to join in.

To stay in touch with my posts you can follow on Twitter, subscribe by e-mail, or find me here on Facebook.

Grace Notes:Compassion

It is very easy to provide for those we care for and usually natural for parents especially to want to lavish love, attention and gifts on their children.

This is a biblical pattern after God's own heart.

Yet we can miss such a lot if we don't slow down sometimes and really notice what is going on around us - not just within our own circles.

 For instance, though we may prefer to close our eyes to the fact, there are a lot of needy people out there who are desperate for help and attention.

Some of them may be shouting and clamouring  -  possibly looking the worse for wear.

Some of them may be mumbling incoherently, heads bowed - while holding out a begging bowl or hat.

Some may be sitting on the pavement  -  trying to look purposeful while feeling invisible.

Some may be hurting deeply inside -  yet on the surface they can look just like you or me.

How are we supposed to act or react to their need?

Let's try not be quick to judge or condemn others.

It can often take something shocking in our own lives (or those close to us) to wake us up to the fact that at times we can all be hurting people who need to be recognised as such and given appropriate help and support.

Compassion isn't new though. The Bible story of  The Good Samaritan Luke 10:25 - 37 is probably familiar to many of us. Jesus uses it as an illustration to answer the question, "And who is my neighbour?"

"Love cannot be divided. If it is genuine it serves God and the neighbour in the same act. Or better, it sees God in the neighbour and the neighbour in God" ~ Carlo Carretto

That question is still valid today - particularly as we have all become 'global neighbours' to one another. I have previously been challenged in my thinking about compassion and the need of 'Reaching out a Hand' to others by reading 'Wrecked' by Jeff Goins. 

Another challenging and inspiring book has contributed to the process: 'Graffiti: scribbles from different sides of the street' by Alene Snodgrass. You won't be the same once you've read either of them as you will find yourself looking around more to see which need you could be helping to meet, maybe globally or locally.

"Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion and anguish" ~ Henri Nouwen

Sometimes the neediest people are right under our noses: our families and friends. After all, don't they say that "Compassion begins at home"?

It begs another uncomfortable question:Would we be those who would stay and offer assistance or would we just 'pass by on the other side'?

Helping others can be demanding, time-consuming and messy work.

A few months ago I had an opportunity to show compassion towards someone and, I'm ashamed to say - I completely flunked it. 

This was late one night, a few months ago, when voices disturbed my sleep. We live close to a pub and it is relatively common to hear late-night revellers dispersing homeward at weekends. Eventually, all other sounds faded apart from a persistent plaintive cry of "Help, help me!" 

Tucked up in bed as I was, aware that my Other Half sitting downstairs (an owl not a lark) would be immune to the sound (as he considerately wears headphones when listening to music/films at his preferred volume), I lay there listening and wondering what to do. 

How could I (seriously weakened by M.E and chronic sickness) go outside in my PJs in the cold - to find goodness knows what - and assist a guy who was potentially drunk and disorderly? Should I alert my Other Half? He would definitely be concerned, yet wary and worried about getting involved because of his own crippling anxieties and accompanying social phobia. Ordinary everyday encounters are hard enough for him - never mind such as this.

He may be a Hero to me in his daily love and care but he was far from 'Superman saves the day' material.

Thus went my reasoning. Thus went my ability to help - out the window to mingle with the cries. I did get up to take a peep but couldn't see a thing or tell precisely where the repeated lament was coming from.

Eventually, other voices were heard. People were coming to his aid. An ambulance was called. 

Eventually, my OH appeared and glanced out the window to see what all the commotion was about. The guy was taken care of with concern and compassion - by others.

I gave myself every excuse possible, but the bottom-line was I didn't act like Jesus would do in caring for another person. I put my own needs above theirs.

There must have been something better than just listening and doing nothing.

So why share my dismal story? 

In order to show that being compassionate isn't always easy or straightforward and we may have to exercise compassion toward ourselves for those times we mess up 

Compassion can be defined as:

• The desire to ease another's suffering
• A sympathetic awareness of another's distress combined with a desire to alleviate it
• Showing kindness and caring through generosity and service

Being compassionate can take many forms:

Comforting a friend -  or anyone in need.

Visiting -  the sick, lonely, bereaved, elderly or housebound.

Sending cards -  to let others know we remember them.

Being a listening ear -  for a friend or stranger.

Giving our time and attention -  especially when it's inconvenient to do so.

Taking action -  to encourage and support others.

Giving practical help -  according to our abilities.

Preparing a meal - for those unable to face the task or without the means to do so.

Volunteering -  to assist in a community outreach whether local, national or international.

Praying for -  the needs of others.

Whatever our own particular set of circumstances may be, there are always ways, large or small,  in which we can help and support other people and show them grace and mercy in their time of need.

As this is the season of Lent, we could look for practical ways to observe it and help others at the same time. Over at A Deeper Story you can read about and participate in drinking just water in place of your usual drinks for 40 days, to facilitate wells for Uganda.

"Nothing that you have not given away will ever really be yours" ~ C.S. Lewis

After all, we may be the one who is suffering and in need one day.

I'm sure you can think of many other ways to be compassionate.

In this post I am linking up with Missional Women Faith-filled Friday

You can also connect with me on Twitter or follow on Facebook

Please feel free to share ways in which compassion has impacted your life as a recipient or trying to be a person of compassion in reaching out to others.