When dark shadows come your way

The day was almost over. Street-lighting shone its artificial bright outside my room but here inside all was warm glow, cosy and snug.

I lay curled up, still reading when common-sense dictated closure was sensible, but I wanted to devour my book for just a little bit longer.

A vague dark shadow, accompanied by a light tapping noise, made me look around, and I didn't like what I saw.

My eyes came face to face with a hairy intruder. I startled and screamed.

Spiders and I have never been the best of friends.

I'd only tried to be brave in dealing with them over the years so as to not give my children/husband any reason to be otherwise. 

I can just about handle the little greyish-brown common-or-garden variety, but encountering a larger black furry one makes me want to run away.

A needs-must situation meant grabbing the nearest thing at hand. Out came a tissue and down swooped my hand.

As I gingerly prised it apart, I was dismayed to discover that the arachnoid had the upper hand instead of me.

He (they're always a he in my mind) had escaped my clutches, curled small and scuttled swift away. What could I do now? 

The only thing for it was to put brighter lights on and do a systematic check of everything around the bed. I began timidly before my OH took over the task.

Stacks of books, pens, notepads, tissues, phone, clock, throat sweets etc were duly removed one by one, bedclothes rolled back and shaken, pillows too.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a sausage, and no spider either.

We soon realised there was nothing for it but to return to bed and try to sleep regardless... gulp! Are you kidding? He's still around somewhere.

What if he makes a return revenge visit during the night and brings some friends with him?

And as I lay there worried (ridiculous, right, considering his size and ours?) and wary, sleep was fitful and I woke more exhausted than usual.

Then, as I thought about things in the morning, I remembered that my husband had only just cleaned the room a couple of days beforehand.

Considering its previously dirty state with dust-bunnies breeding all over the place (please don't judge) maybe he'd disturbed some spiders and they were looking for a new place to hide.

Isn't that similar to what happens when we decide to clean up our act before God, to live a purer life, seek His face more, pray with greater persistence, live All In for Him?

Because the sneaky enemy of our souls finds a weak spot (or more) to crawl into and disturb us, making us feel that we're defeated before we get started.

Guilt and condemnation come. A multiplicity of mundane frustrations fall our way. Problems abound. Discouragement sits heavy in our souls.

A dark shadow pervades our days and we feel far from the Lord. He seems to be silent and far from us too, although His word promises He never leaves nor forsakes us.

Maybe we even consider why we bother to be wholehearted about our faith if it leads to This?

Well let me tell you, my friend, I've discovered it's always worthwhile to follow hard after God. Yes, especially when life gets harder.

The benefits far outweigh the potential for upsets. Those problems and pitfalls, the dark nights of the soul? They're proof that you're only human and you're on the right road.

The enemy has no reason to bother you unless you're a threat to him.

We cannot aim to get closer to God without expecting greater testing and temptation to come our way. It's a given. 

He is refining the dross from us, purifying motives and intent, sifting and saving us even as we struggle. Holding us close in the midnight hours.

Our reactions and responses to trials are what count as we learn how to grow into Christ-likeness.

Are we allowing the enemy to make us act unwisely? Or are we discerning his wiles and acting in accordance with God's will?

Some times will be easier than others in living as an overcomer. We're weak; we fail and falter. But there is grace for it all.

Some troubles are just too huge to work through quickly. We may need extra support from others, possibly professional help, and time to recover our equilibrium.

We need to maintain a daily dependence on God, and keep our heavenly armour on as we walk the way of faith.

Perseverance and persistence will have its way in us as we look to the Lord at all times, because God rewards all who diligently seek after Him, no matter what it looks or feels like right now. 

Things won't always be this bad and we will learn a lot through our problematic and painful circumstances, through surrender, through seeking His face in the midst of it all.

I don't want to let fear get the upper-hand or prevent me from pursuing my potential and destiny in Christ, and I guess you don't either.

So, with hindsight, I'm actually grateful for the spider's visit. He brought about this reflection, and a deepening trust in God to see me through all the troubling events I may yet encounter.

I just need to remember that as I crawl beneath the covers again, with a beady eye kept open... just in case. And to let God's light in on any dark areas that may emerge.

*NOTE* ~  My inspiring writer friend, Heather Mertens, is particularly passionate about living #ALLIN for Jesus. If you also desire to live a wholehearted Christian life and meet others who could encourage and support you on the journey, then you might like to connect with this community of beautiful believers on Facebook.

Doing it afraid

Fear is not my friend. I don't normally go seeking out trouble or looking to be brave.

As one who spent far too many years afraid of my own shadow and afraid of the grown-up world impinging itself too soon on body and mind, life is not an adrenaline-fuelled ride of adventure.

Courage has many faces and not all of them are obvious. They don't all shout their name.

Sometimes its the quiet ones going about their daily challenges and struggles with quavering hearts and wavering faith who are the brave people in God's eyes.

He sees into hearts and minds and knows how many are living lives of such quiet desperation where getting out of bed in the morning requires enormous effort of will, (and/or reserves from Him) before they dare place foot to floor and face another day.

Life is a battlefield and we overcome it first in our minds.

I'm not a natural risk taker. There have been enough battles in my life without looking for them.

But sometimes a clarion call sounds and we know that God is trying to urge us out of our comfort zones.

This is time to take action. The rewards will outweigh the demands being made on us.

No more cringing in corners. Suit up and get ready.

One person's challenge may be another's walk in the park but it loses none of its edginess for the one overcoming obstacles to achieve it.

I sense a call to surrender my pen, lay down my own writing goals and allow God to speak to me on a daily basis.. then write what I hear.

This is something I'm fairly familiar with on a regular basis. It's part and parcel of being a Christian poet and writer.

Only... daily, did you say? Gulp!! Yes... 31 days of listening and writing brave and free.

Relying totally on Holy Spirit inspiration, anointing and equipping for 31 days, though not necessarily consecutively.

The original yearly #31days writing challenge began over at the Nester's place. You can read the details here. 

To make matters manageable there are daily 5 minute writing prompts being offered over at Kate Montaung's place, rather like a continual Five Minute Friday exercise.

And Twitter already has daily poetic prompts to help stir the creative juices.

So far, so well and good. I love word prompt challenges and I love writing.

If my health was equally reliable then we'd be laughing, wouldn't we?

But that is far from the truth. I have had to cut back, withdraw and recover energy recently when life's busyness leached all my available strength. 

And that happens on a regular basis. More often than I like it to.

As an M.E and chronic illness sufferer I know that no two days are exactly the same yet all have their pitfalls of pain, profound fatigue and weakness to one degree or another.

How do I commit to this task without compromising my already weakened health?

By faith. By trust. By believing that all things are possible in Christ because who He appoints He anoints and who He calls He qualifies.

Am I sure? Well, I didn't lay down a fleece, but it took 4 separate times of checking in with the Lord before I was totally convinced this was a call from Him rather than a work and desire of the flesh. 

So here I am, doing it afraid and doing it with faith, for the two co-exist sometimes.

And there is a catch to this..  after checking in with God this morning, He confirmed I need to spend 31 days listening intently to Him but only write and share as He dictates.

God also reminded me of words I'd penned over at 'Poetry Joy' a few days ago:

"I don't want to write
just because
it is what 
I usually do
or because
I want to have a say
These words should come
because You
have thoughts You desire
me to convey"

My reasons for taking part need to be in line with His will for me. In a sense, I need to eat my own words above.

There's to be no noisy fanfare, no lovely linking up, no seeking of people-approval, no beautiful button to flaunt, no anxiety over daily sharing, just opening my heart when He makes it clear it's right to do so.

Because this isn't really about me at all; it's all about the work God needs to do in and through me.

Some posts will appear here and others over at my sister site, poetryjoy.com. Do take a look there too because small snippets more often come to me in poetry and 'Prayer Whispers' rather than prose.

I'd love you to join me for the journey as I take part informally (on an ad hoc basis) in my own slow way and timing. There is grace to participate and grace to 'fail' in others' eyes.

My fear stems from wondering if I can be fully attentive and listen well over this period of time, and if I can faithfully record the words I hear.

My failure would be to depend more on myself than I do on Holy Spirit's equipping.

And for those of you who pray, please send a prayer or two up for me, would you? Thank you!

I think this weary woman needs help to stay faithful and attentive in prayer, to listen, lean and learn all the lessons God wants to teach her.

Then I can share them over time and (hopefully) bless and encourage others in the process.