Have a heart

There are times in our lives when God speaks more insistently to our hearts than usual.

Those Holy Spirit whispers are words we need to pay attention to.

Our heart, as defined in Scripture, represents the core, essence of our being, the fabric of who we are and how we act, seat of our reason, courage, innermost feelings.

Recently, God has been showing me things about myself I would have preferred not to be aware of.

It all started with a devotional book I was reading that spoke of asking God to show us a picture of our heart.

This wasn't asking for an anatomical representation of the fist-shaped, blood-pumping organ that lies roughly in the centre of our chest.

No. It was seeking greater knowledge about what makes us tick, how we act and react and what that indicates about our inner being.

So, I braved the request, "Lord, please show me a picture of my heart"...and He did.

ImageCourtesyofFreeDigitalPhotos.Net

What He revealed was an image of a crushed, fragile, papery heart.

As I prayed, God showed me that this image represented the fragility of my feelings, how easily bruised and wounded I can be if I allow certain emotions to hold sway.

Discouragement reign supreme. Disappointment rule. Despair ravage my hopes and dreams.

" Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" ~ Proverbs 4:23

His desire is for my heart to be crushed only with empathy and love for others, a willingness to burden-bear and intercede as His Spirit leads.

If I allow God to have my heart, He will guard it, make it strong and viable, rather than fragile and friable, soft and tender where it needs to be, as I open myself up to be a channel of blessing for others.

Our God does heart surgery as He transplants new hearts for old.

I was aware of the see-saw nature of my emotions and found much to blame them on:M.E fatigue, pain, lack of restful sleep, hormones, various issues etc.

God helped me see that a root of insecurity remains - the same root that made me want to control myself and my environment when all went haywire in my past.

All went haywire with my blogging yesterday too as I attempted to copy my last published post (ironically entitled 'Brave') into a folder and somehow ended up deleting the original as I updated it.

Don't ask me how. Technology and I are barely on speaking terms at the moment - more like screaming (me) and silence (laptop).

Deep breaths... Deep breaths....Gasp...Deep breaths.

What did this teach me?

• Back everything up, back everything up, back Everything up!!
• It doesn't help in the slightest to **@~##{{<< @ ~~ at the laptop (OK, just a little bit), keep pressing buttons and watch it all crash.
• It does help to...take deep breaths, step away from it, make a soothing cup of chamomile tea (or a stiff drink) and (most importantly) ask for help from Someone. Who. Knows. What. To. Do.
• When I'm, squeezed (pressed, stressed and tired)I fail to give off the aroma of Christ, emitting instead a bad stink of thoughts, words and deeds.
• We don't have to actively seek discouragement, disappointment or despair. They hang around waiting to drop on us and sabotage our days as soon as we drop our guards.

It also pays to remember that we are more than the sum of our parts or the efforts of our hands (said through gritted teeth and clenched jaw).

Neither is it really about tangible evidence in front of us or how congenial or otherwise our circumstances might be.

God's word reminds us that He is our Security. Safe place. Anchor for the soul. Always.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that in a world caving in and falling apart.

Sometimes it takes a glimpse into another person's pain to see how it overshadows your own.

Sometimes we lose what we value to gain a greater good.

My heart was setting too much store on achievement, approval, being visible when I feel invisible in this tiny sphere I move within.

But never invisible to God. 

The One who desires our highest good stands scalpel at the ready to carve away the dross we can do without and sculpt a heart fit for purpose.

God can take away a hard, stony heart and replace it with a tender, loving one..little by little..as it is surrendered to Him.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" ~ Ezekiel 36:26

A Prayer

Dear Father,

You alone know us inside out. Nothing about us surprises You.

It is easy to fool ourselves that everything is as it should be,

until You point a finger on the areas we need to pay attention to.

Then we wriggle and squirm under Your searchlight scrutiny.

For our souls lean more naturally into darkness than light.

But Yours is a laser-light to burn off the dross 
and promote healing.

You desire truth in the inner parts of our being.

You desire to change all that is displeasing to You.

Help us to co-operate and allow You to have Your way in us.

Melt our hard hearts.

Bind up the bruised and broken ones.

Wrap arms of love around the wounded ones.

Pour out Your grace and compassion.

Fill us with Your Spirit so that we can give out to others.

Remind us day by day how we are being changed from glory to glory

so that we do not lose heart if progress seems slow.

Thank you for the new heart and new life we have in Christ.

Help us to use it to live well for You.

Amen

Linking here with Tania Vaughan for Monday Ministry, where we seek to bring Sunday words and thoughts into the rest of the week.

To stay in touch you can join with me on Google Friend Connect, follow on Twitter or like my Facebook page.

May you be blessed with God's light, grace and peace (and a co-operative, fully functioning PC) until we meet again.

Heart of Worship

A heart matter - Worship

"True worship can only take place when we agree to God sitting not only on His throne in the centre of the universe, but on the throne that stands in the centre of our heart" ~ Robert Colman

An invitation had been issued. So we came. Standing on the threshold of the future.

Hands slippery, nerves tinged with excitement as I held fast to my leonine boyfriend, he of the long tawny mane and liquid-brown roving eyes, urging him toward the back row for Outsiders such as we.

We parked ourselves, politely quiet and oddly formal. Little did I know how familiar such venues were to him, though he hid it well.

Slowly, the room began to fill. No longer the only youthful faces, confirmed by his engaging smile and approving glance as he skirted and flirted safe with me beside.

Then I saw Them. My heart somersaulted, lips dried as I felt again that buzz of connectivity like a jolt of electricity.

Ishmael and Andy. Gospel duo. My reason for coming.

No longer in Sixth Form Common Room, filling it with their vibrant lyrics, faces shining.

Now filling this place with more sound and a mysterious glow - an indefinable Something Else in the air.

As they strummed and thrummed once more, I relaxed into the flow, mellowed out. Caught Lion Mane head-banging in his own inimitable, uninhibited style, caring not who saw him.

I tapped, swayed and clapped, caught up, unknowingly, in the beat and rhythm of life itself. Senses fully engaged and alert as sound, singing and sweetness washed over me.

Image Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Things slowed. Voices speaking. One voice taking up the mike.

Ears pricked. Room hushed. A message given.

Spoken just to me.

All was still. Save for a heart hammering fit to burst.

I drank in every word, desert-thirsty for Water that would satiate to the full, absorbing every drop

Words ringing bell-like in head and heart - He. Loves. Me. God loves me??

Never before had I known love Pure ... Holy Offering ... Unconditional. 

I sought answers, meaning, purpose and love everywhere:inappropriate love-givers, horoscopes, Ouija boards, levitation, writing smut, being lust for others.

Casting the net wide, diving deep into murky, treacherous waters, seeking hidden treasure, pearl of great price, and coming up empty, left with silted mouth and heart. 

As child I lay grass-stained looking to heaven, seeing angels in my eyes, always knowing there must be Something Else out there. A better way to live. Someone Who Really Cared.

This child-prodigal was running into arms of Father. Reunited with the One who knew her before she was brought into being. 

Spark of Life awakening a deadened spirit to His Love.

The thrill of knowing and being known ran through me with emotions and heart on fire.

Breath-stop moment of recognition. My soul rejoicing. Heart hungry. Desperate to believe.

"It's not the art, it's the heart. What God reads during our worship is the inner attitude. Worship is spiritual; it's organic; it's relational" ~ La Mar Buchanan

The band blended into mist...instantly forgotten.

The boyfriend...equally lost to awareness.

The people...faded out of sight.

I fell into Love's arms and He held tight

Tears fell. No lady-like flow. This was snot-nosed-kid gushing, heart-poured-out waterfall.

Thrill of being enraptured and captured.

Here was surrender.

Here was adoration.

Here was worship.

I laid it all down before God

Image Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

All my years (17)

All my sadness, shame and pain (yes, much even then)

And all my being tugged irresistibly in His direction as I shakily joined the snaking line threading its way down the aisle.

Sobbing. Laughter. Cries. Strange foreign-tongued rising cadence, knitting of words beyond understanding, as others gave interpretation.

All mingled in this strange world called Church I would soon be a part of. Waiting to receive me as an adopted child by grace. 

*******

Now, a few decades on - a lifetime of living, leaving, losing, pulling away, being broken, being lost, being renewed, being restored and made whole again - I can never fully recapture the awesome, beautiful moment of coming to faith in Christ.

Nothing else comes close to the sheer wonder of giving 'Worth-Ship' to my God for the very first time

Many idols compete for attention and many sorrows drown out His voice for a while.

"Every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I don't see God, I'll bow down to something else" ~ Ann Voskamp

Yet...He still holds out hands to me... grace unlimited, forgiveness, cleansing.

And I offer myself afresh. Living sacrifice of praise. Unworthy as I am and always will be.

And every time my eyes slide from His face, and I backslide from His grace, my heart knows..

It's not about me.

It's not about the place.

It's not even about the worship band, or the building, or the service, or the flowers, candles, vestments, robes, positions, pomp and pageantry, 'the way we do it' all, good as these things may be.

In the hands lifted high, praise, rejoicing, singing, laughing, crying, praying, silence, prone and prostrate, work, rest and play moments - all can be worship - with heart, soul, mind, will and emotions given over, and daily offering of lives surrendered.

For it's all about Him.

Always has been.

Always will be.

The heart of worship is coming back to God's heart, right where we belong.

Linking here with Nacole at sixinthesticks for concrete words, where we write about the abstract using a concrete prompt; and with Tania Vaughan's Monday Ministry where we seek to bring Sunday faith experiences into the everyday week. Do hop over and join us.

To keep in touch you can subscribe by e-mail, connect with Google Friend Connect or by liking my Facebook page.

What does worship mean to you? 

Please feel free to join in the comments below. I love to read and reply to them.