When creativity lies dormant

Words sing in my spirit, seeking their exit. Ready to explode upon the page. 

I hug some close, for now is not their time. They must lie dormant and wait a while.

A poetry anthology (or 2) sit on the back-burner, simmering slow.

A set of prayer whispers and devotional prayers lie stagnant.  

A memoir meanders round my head, only partly started. Will I be here to complete it?

I sit impatient, twiddling my thumbs at my ineptitude and inability to complete those things I long to bring forth. 

God whispers:Everything has its moment to arise and be seen. Not yet.. soon...be patient a while longer.

All that is within me cries out "Really?", until I remember how seeds lie dormant before they burst into glorious life, how ground seems dead and fallow until it is ploughed.

Watching while others gain their harvest can be painful. 

Waiting for God to say "Yes" to us can seem endless, can't it?

I feel my years slipping as sand and wonder why it takes so long to see fruit appearing.

Once again, I sense a holy reminder of how much fruit is invisible to us, but He knows.

He knows how to shape the things we create until they are ready to be a blessing.

He knows who needs to read our words, receive our art, and when they should be shared.

He knows how things that seem ready to us still require His refining touch.

And He's more interested in growing Holy Spirit fruit in our lives than making sure we see tangible evidence of the works of our hands.

They will have their day. Even if all looks barren and bleak, cold as ice and deep as snow.

New life, new birth returns to earth after winter's chill, after long periods of seeming inactivity.

So will our work, our words, our creativity rise anew when God breathes His life into them and whispers, "Now".

'Arising'

A tiny germ of life beats slow

beneath frozen depths of snow

Unseen by mere mortal eyes

it sits patient, waiting to rise

Heeding the call, clear and deep,

shaking off sonorous sleep

it pushes its way through icy ground

blanketed by silence all around

Drawn out of shadows dark

into earth hostile and stark

Arising in white fragile purity

A reminder of new birth breaking free

©JoyLenton2015

The same is true of our hopes and dreams, goals and schemes.

If they are God-given ones, then they will rise strong at Just The Right Time ~ His timing.

I know I've felt stagnant and stalled, stuck in the mud lately, mainly due to the daily health challenges I face and the weariness they bring.

Your reasons may differ. What we will have in common is a great desire to unleash our creativity and have it positively impact the lives of others.

And as I ponder these things, I actually sense God asking me to pull back from sharing my words here (and on 'Poetry Joy'), just for a while.

To let them deliberately lay dormant. To desist for a bit from sharing them on a blog. 

Because He knows things, you see.. He knows how much I need to lean into Him this Lenten season, to rest and recover energy and strength, to become restored, refreshed, revitalised by His Spirit. 

Am I giving in gracefully? Surrendering with serenity?

Hmm.. a little, although those insidious people-approval issues and "What ifs?" make this a hard choice for me, albeit a necessary one.

My priorities are to draw closer to God, regain some needful health and strength and be more available to my family.

While I am away (having some extra catnaps Zzz...), please feel free to dig into the archives, especially if you are new around here. I hope and pray you will come away blessed and encouraged by what you read.

I will continue scribbling out my words, and some may even find their way onto my Facebook page in the interim should God inspire and equip me to share them.

Maybe you're in a season of hibernation, sitting out a time when sap will rise again?

Take heart, friend. God isn't finished with you yet. While we have life and breath we are on active service in His kingdom. Age and circumstance are no barrier in His eyes.

One day, it will be your time and your turn and your work will have the audience it deserves. Hang on in hope. Our God is faithful.

God bless you all until we meet again. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to leave a comment or prayer request here. Love, Joy :) <3

Awakening to potential

A quivering occurs deep in our souls. An inviting ripple on the waters, an opportunity to stretch our wings and fly free.

This one won't go away. It resurfaces when we least expect it.

Our lives are about to change and we run scared instead of running toward it with open arms.

Not all of us can greet change with cheer, or equanimity at least.

It feels unsettling, ground shifting, mould-breaking, day-defining and life-liberating all at once.

It calls for a new challenge, a new level we feel unprepared for.

So we quake. Even if we know those soft spoken sounds are Holy Spirit sighs.

I'm in a time of transition, waiting to walk into a more spacious place emotionally and spiritually. It requires recognition of what's being said, and response to all God is currently asking of me.

And, truth be told, I. Don't. Feel. Ready. I want to rewind time to one of blissful ignorance.

Those urgings are calling me out of a place of seeming safety, a place where I was bound but couldn't see it, and leading me into the Light, into Truth, into freedom, into God's presence and rest.

The slumbering season is over. Our souls need to wake up to the potential all around. When God is speaking, we do well to listen.

He gentles us forward saying this isn't all or nothing, impetuous crash and burn; this is a slow growth in the right direction as I lead and guide you. This is a warming to My words, an inner alertness to My voice, a gradual unfolding of My plans for you. Trust Me to keep you, to hold you safe throughout.

Maybe you're in this unsettling place too? 

Hearing and trying not to heed it?

We can be deep-bone weary from all types of pain, yet strangely wary and reluctant to move away from its suffocating embrace if it means treading into new territory.

Because what we know, what we are familiar with feels like home to us, however dark it may be in reality. Our pain is our pain. We live and move and have our being in it, don't we?

Actually no. We live and move and have our being in God. He is our Strength, our Hope, our Deliverer and Healer. 

Healing frequently comes in stages, by degrees, by unloosening, yielding and surrender rather than by sudden illumination and ability to receive it.

I've had God close some powerful doors in my life recently, doors which I'd inadvertently opened to the enemy when I was younger in years and understanding.

Once he has been denied access to areas he has tormented us in for years, the enemy will do everything in his power to try and regain that territory.

Doubt, fear and unbelief insinuate a way in, wrapping their tentacles around our souls. We need to guard our hearts, wear the full armour of God and be vigilant.

We have a spiritual battle on our hands and a continual need to reaffirm our new position, make declarations of faith from God's Word and sow seeds of positivity into areas that were always negative before.

Yes, we rest secure on the promises of God, but we also have our part to play in holding on to our healing and deliverance.

It's hard work but it will be so worthwhile to see results, to be prepared for The Next Big Thing God wants to do in your life and mine.

Some days I feel scared of transition and transformation. When we've believed lies for years, then our minds have to slowly become renewed by the Word and our hearts grow strong in faith.

Here's a prayer for all who are where I am now, or sense they soon will be. Let's begin to embrace hope, embrace the light, and embrace joy in knowing we are already victorious in Christ.

Entering His rest

There's something special about listening for God's voice. Making way for the mellow moments of sacred pauses in our days.

Something infinitely precious when He speaks so hearts can hear Him and draws us close to His beautiful, compassionate and loving, Father-heart.

When I received 'Listen' as my one word last year, I found myself spending all of 2014 trying to hone the skill, and I ended the year still awed and amazed when He whispered close with words He longed to impart.

There wasn't a predictable pattern. God cannot be boxed. He is calm and loving but also gloriously wild and free. The Spirit goes where He wills.

Most times, I sat expectant with Bible, pen and prayer journal at the ready, at others He spoke soft during the mundane, messy moments of my day ~ whenever He had something vital to say.

The more we practise the art, the more we become a little bit accustomed to His voice and better able to discern it above all others.

Those times of quiet listening bore fruit inwardly, teaching greater inner restfulness, peace and patient endurance that He knew I so desperately needed, and still do.

They also yielded fruit to share with others in the form of 'Prayer Whispers' to help, encourage and bless. Some have made their way into the blogging arena and others I hope to eventually make more public via a compilation to share.

So you might think I was getting seasoned in the ways of listening to God and easily able to tell what He was saying to me, wouldn't you? If only...

Well, yes, occasionally that was the case. But my own wayward heart, doubts and fears so often tripped me up... just as they're doing now.

Because, after praying for several days, I was no nearer hearing God's 'word' for me for 2015 than I was before. Various thoughts played themselves out in my head then slid silent away.

Eventually, one word made its presence known more strongly than the others.

And I was quick to reject it as a mis-hearing, because it felt wryly ironic to be hearing 'Rest' shaping itself as my defining word for 2015 while laid up in bed with an unexpected, unwanted Christmas gift of a ferocious, fluey cold virus!

I prayed, doubted and prayed some more. Gradually, God penetrated the thick mucus curtain where my brain seemed to be lodging and made Himself known. 

Yes, there was no mistake. Far from being just my usual state as an M.E and chronic illness sufferer ~ where rest and pacing are the order of the day, and a particularly necessary one right now ~ rest was going to be a strong feature of the year ahead too.

Only... I had to appreciate its nuances more than ever before. Rest means different things to each one of us.

At this early stage I can already see the type of rest God has in mind for us is so much more than a Sabbath break in our week, ceasing from physical activity, putting our feet up, taking a nap, being on vacation.

His plans for us are complete, holistic, changing from the inside out. I sense rest is no exception.

My soul needs to learn how to rest easy in His word, truly believe who it says I am in Christ, lean peaceful on His love and grace.

Maybe discover how to actually live like I'm freed from guilt and anxiety, stay rooted and grounded in faith, develop trust that replaces tension.

Rest in the finished work of Christ rather than relying on self-effort and works to somehow complete the deal.

Rest in seeing myself as pre-approved, deeply loved and called to make a difference.

Quite a bit to mull over here! No doubt more will be revealed in time to come.

And it feels as if my main priority is physical rest right now as I seek to recover from the horrible cold symptoms and try to claw back some precious energy.

Perhaps priorities will loom large as I endeavour to save energy for all I am called to do rather than all I may want to do.

Maybe there will be encouragement to make room for more spiritual whitespace, for contemplative prayer, for continuing to listen to prayer whispers and to seek His face?

I hope so. 

My soul craves deep rest; my body cries out for it and my mind desperately needs it too.

One way or another I hope to enter His rest, in fact I long to; I need to. 

One thing I am certain of:as God gives me inspiration and strength I aim to be sharing the journey here and over at 'Poetry Joy', just as I did with 2014's word 'Listen'.

Here's a 'Prayer for Rest' that you can take and make your own. Feel free to pin or use as you need to:

Over to you:

Have you had benefits (as well as challenges) from listening to God?

Has God given you a new word to ponder over for 2015?

Whether or not you've heard a 'word' yet, what do you think your main focus will be for the year ahead?

As always, I really appreciate and welcome your input here and would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Keep on walking

Our walk of faith so often feels like a treacherous journey through mud and mire, thorns and thistles, sinking sand and stony ground.

Obstacles abound. We wonder where a safe passage can be found.

Weeds wind their pernicious way around our hearts.

Pebbles press into our shoes and we become impatient pilgrims.

Problems multiply and challenges come. Each one seemingly bigger than before.

Are we ready for them? 

Are we armed and dangerous?

Not always.

Although we have the soft breath of Holy Spirit whispering wisdom and the wild wind of His power sweeping through us, we tend to forget He is ever-present.

And we need to seek God's will as we walk with awareness through our days.

Read and absorb His word. Believe and declare its truth and rest in His promises.

Be on our guard against the snares of the enemy. Have our shield of faith in place and wield the sword of the Spirit.

Be vigilant. Be prepared. Be ready to turn to God in an instant in dependence and prayer.

I've been caught out lately as I allowed negativity and discouragement to eat away inside my soul.

Watched weariness bringing out the worst in me.

Allowed irritability to replace tranquillity. 

Gave a foothold to fatigue instead of resting in God's peace.

Made comparisons that stole my joy, rather than being satisfied with what I had and who I am in Christ.

Became critical and cautious instead of being open and giving.

My weaknesses are many and the openings all too easy to breach unless I keep my guard up.

But there is a way to stay at rest, to enjoy where we are on the way to where we're going.

And it starts with seeing things God's way, seeing ourselves as we truly are and seeing His solution to it all.

It's an uncomfortable thing to gain self-awareness through our faults and failings, but it will also be the beginning of the overcoming of them.

Staying trapped, staying the same, staying bound is not an option for a blood-bought child of God.

We are supposed to grow into the best of ourselves as we continue to lay down and yield the worst of ourselves.

Your walk may be taking you through smooth, sunny pastures or into the eye of a storm.

No matter where you're situated right now....God is there. He walks with you and holds you close. 

"When we sin and mess up our lives, we find that God doesn't go off and leave us - he enters into our trouble and saves us" ~ Eugene H. Peterson in 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction'

You never walk alone. 

You can never fall into a pit so deep that His arm cannot reach down to pull you out of it.

There is always hope for healing, for change, for transformation and restoration.

Cling to the cross. Hold hard to God's hand, follow after His heart, and lean into His embrace.

He already knows your every weakness and pain. Every aspect of sin and shame is laid bare before Him.

Let Him minister to you and bring you through; allow grace to permeate and saturate your days.

In surrender you will find sanctuary. And the deep soul rest, peace and ease you need to keep on walking on.

Embracing change

Brochures at the ready. Many are tempted to leave the daily grind behind for warmer climes.

Going on a planned journey frequently means anticipation and excitement, plus a great deal of preparation.

We gather together all the essentials we cannot leave home without ~ backpack for some and several suitcases' worth for others. 

Though a rare traveller, I'm more of an 'everything bar the kitchen sink' type of person, always concerned I'll leave something vital behind.

Not all the journeys we make in life are ones of choice. 

Some are beyond our power to control the duration or effects they have on us.

In the poem below  (featured in Issue 7: The Journey edition of 'What the Dickens?' magazine) I am sharing such a journey with you.

The Journey

Jerked into wakefulness

by an express train 

roaring through me,

throwing off signals ~

of alarm,

of warning

In the darkness

nothing stirs

except the pounding

pulsating rhythm

within

Pinioned in place

by a sticky torpor

as drenching torrents

rain over me,

flooding body and brain

I'm an unwilling captive

on a journey

leading inexorably to

Change

Transition

Decay ~

A heat-sodden

limp-ragged

victim

of my hormones

©JoyLenton2012

In case you hadn't guessed, I am describing some potential symptoms of the menopause here - albeit with a little poetic licence. Menopause is a uniquely personal yet universal journey that women the world over have to take, whether it occurs naturally or is pre-empted surgically by removal of the ovaries. 

It will not be exactly the same for any one of us, though certain features may be common to many. Young women take note. Someone close to you may be throwing open the windows and saying "Is it me or is it hot in here?" even as you read this.

In my own peculiarly female journey I am truly grateful for:

• HRT 
• Herbal/ alternative remedies
• A multiplicity of articles and books to inform us 
• The fact that it is no longer a hidden or taboo subject                           
• Cool cotton sheets
• Fans/air conditioning
• Friends and others who companion me                                         
• Less symptom severity as time goes on
• An understanding and sympathetic Other Half!

Any guys reading this needn't think they get away scot-free. Men can experience their own version of menopause too (the andropause) though it is not so well recognised, written about or treated as the female one. 

Not only that, Your Woman Will Need You ~
Tea (or cold drinks), sympathy, considerately keeping your distance where necessary, putting up with clothes/bedclothes on and off (not as much fun as it sounds) and coping with erratic moods or irritability from lack of restful sleep are basic requirements.

A sense of humour and an ability to stay cool and calm yourself are greatly desirable and very much appreciated, thank you.

Just don't take this quote too seriously either:

"Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause, with female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles" ~ Rita Rudner

More thoughts on the mid-life journey:

" The hardest years in life are between 10 and 70" ~ Helen Hayes (age 73)

"I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows" ~ Janette Barber

"There is no more creative force in the world than the menopausal woman with zest" ~ Margaret Mead

"Thirty five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts to fall apart" ~ Caryn Leschen 

"Life is a journey, not a destination" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Journeys of various kinds are a common part of the human experience.

How we embrace the change they bring can affect how we feel about them.

Life journeys are made all the more pleasurable for the people who share them with us. I look forward to your company on further exploration of life and faith journeys I'll be making here.

You can read how it all began and why I'm exploring these themes if you click over here.

So until we meet again - do stay as cool, calm and collected as possible, oh, and pass me a glass of iced water, would you please? I can sense one of Those Glowing Moments coming on again. Phew!

**Note** ~ This is a little off topic for me as I usually write about faith issues rather than purely physical life experiences! But menopause affects us in every aspect of our lives, not least how we are perceived and how we feel. And I'm aware many suffer such things silently. It is always my aim to shed light on life's challenging themes in the aim of helping others feel less alone.

PS:If you enjoy my poetry, it is now being featured over at poetryjoy.com along with 'Prayer Whispers' and shorter reflections. You are very welcome to drop by and have a browse around.

Hope springs eternal

It is said that where there is life there is hope. Its rays of light and grace rise through the cracks and crevices of our days.

The resilience of the human spirit is a God-given gift we truly need.

We can endure far more than we think when God gives us hope and strength to do so.

Reason will only get us so far.

Faith and trust will enable us to go way beyond our limitations.

As we continue to place our hope in the God of all hope He will guide our paths, provide a way where there seems to be no way, and reveal His plans to us.

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; man never is, but always to be blessed:the soul, uneasy and confined from home, rests and expatiates in a life to come" ~ Alexander Pope 'An Essay on Man'

As I dust down an old journal (which I began using in 2008 but ceased writing in after a series of family calamities concluding in the unexpected death of my brother), it is with the hope of reclaiming it anew, writing observations of life and faith and being able to move beyond the reminder of those painful times.

I also do so with the purpose of allowing God to speak to me afresh as I record daily (if possible) thoughts, reflections, snippets of poetry or prayers. 

I'm joining Dawn and other journaling friends in June as we seek spiritual white space and aim to draw near to God as He encourages us to #listentoyourlife more avidly in the month ahead.

You are very welcome and warmly invited to join us. For more info on journaling in June, click here to visit Dawn's site and find out what it's all about. There is space for you and grace to join in as you feel able to.

Let hope inform your days as you surrender them to His ways this week.

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without words ~
And never stops at all" ~ Emily Dickinson

Wallowing in the mire

It wasn't planned. It never is. Feelings take over and a flood pours out.

Isn't that always the way? These things sneak up on us unawares. 

All of a sudden we spew forth dirty words. Falling fast as raindrops and just as impossible to stem the flow. 

I grow impatient and irritable when fatigue and frustration reach simmering point. It's hard being dependent with M.E and chronic illness sometimes. 

My ultra keen observer eye still notices everything, including all those "I wouldn't do it like that" instances.

Watching while others are doing things I am unable to do doesn't prevent me from having a point of view about it.

Today was one of those days when carping and criticism replaced kindness and concern. A hasty harangue spilled forth before I knew what was happening. 

Ignoring my beloved's crestfallen face, weary resignation, and attempts to placate me, I continued in my spiel. 

Getting all self-righteous and defensive. Feeling justified, even if words spoken in haste tend to be repented at leisure.

Scalded by the heat of words rising to burn us both and sear the air around. 

Though this wasn't exactly a rare, isolated incident. Anger, upset, frustration and impatience sit close to the surface.

I withdrew. A weighty stone of shame sat heavy on my chest, refusing to be swallowed.

Gnawing at the edges of my nails as if I could bite the bad away.

Tasting grit as guilt ate at the core of me.

Only sooner than usual, my mind reminded me of Grace Revealed In Trials and how to dig deep into the soil of His word instead of digging over the past few shameful moments. 

Here lies rich, fertile soil to run through the soul. Embed in the empty spaces. Good ground to turn over, till and test.

Plant some faith seeds and watch them grow. Sow a crop of righteousness instead of sowing to destruction. 

Here lies water. A cool refreshing stream of cleansing. Purification to renew heart and mind. 

I was having a bad day and it showed. But I was also having trouble showing myself grace and mercy.

If a friend were suffering likewise I would take her hand and offer reassurance. 

Listen to her words and those left unsaid.

Look into her eyes and tell her things weren't as bad as they seemed and God has forgiveness enough to cover it all. 

His love for her will never fail. His mercies are new every morning. His grace is sufficient for all our needs. 

Remind her we're no longer soil dwellers ~ rooted to earth as we are ~ but seated in heavenly places with Christ. And as such we have all the resources of heaven at our disposal. 

Wallowing in the mire is a passing place where we find grace to lift us out of any pit we may have fallen into. 

Dig gently to try to unearth the root behind the bad fruit so that she can proceed with greater awareness and wisdom in future. 

Suggest she has some TLC to recover her equilibrium ~ a hot bath, massage, reading a great book, eating chocolate/ice-cream curled up in PJs, or whatever it takes.

Let her know she's going to be Okay and reading this book will help her to know that better. 

So why do we have such a hard job forgiving and being kind to ourselves?

We so often fail to show mercy toward our own faults and failings and can be our own worst enemy. Especially if our past is far from pristine and our current circumstances are far from Pinterest perfect.

Perhaps it's time to stop digging the dirt on ourselves and let the light of God's presence in.

For darkness cannot abide in its purity. Truth will out. And the truth is we are radically and outrageously loved by God Himself. 

He has paved the way to remove all the dirt from our souls and muddied speech from our mouths ~ one golden grace drop at a time ~ to renew and restore all that is sullied and broken.

What do you think? Is it hard for you to be kind to yourself?
Do join the discussion in the comments below.

Linking here with Nacole, Holley and Jennifer

When the going gets tough

Wilderness wandering can suck the life right out of us.

Each step feels heavy and stiff.

We long to move on from this place. 

Where is the beautiful vista that we've been told lies ahead?

It always feels tantalisingly out of reach.

Too much life happening at once reduces us to weak-kneed walkers.

How in the world do we keep going when circumstances make us want to sink into sand, droop with defeat, expire with exhaustion and throw in the towel?

When the going gets tough, the tough get going....either to a place of darkness and despair or....back to what we know can strengthen and sustain, lift and bring life into wobbly legs and discouraged hearts.

Yet, here we are:

Weighed down with burdens we're not built to carry.

Struggling to make sense of things we cannot understand.

Losing sight of all that's good, pure and lovely.

Lost in mud and mire.

Left out and left hanging.

Made miserable beyond words.

Dejected. Despairing. Defeated.

But God...

His compassion encompasses us at all times.

He stands ready to lift the burdens from our backs.

He has arms wide open to embrace His weary child.

He sees the end from the beginning and knows breakthrough is close at hand.

He longs to pour His purpose into our plans.

He desires to support us with His strength.

He loves us beyond our comprehension and far too much to leave us struggling alone.

His grace is sufficient and always enough for every need.

His mercies are new every morning.

Knowing these things, our best course of action is to take a tough, prayerful stand of faith against the enemy, 'get going' back to resting in God's Presence, feasting on His word, being renewed, refreshed and restored by His Spirit.

My friend, you are not alone in your struggles. Don't fall for the lie that says you have no hope. 

In Christ, you have every hope of seeing change even as you walk through this trial with Him by your side.

There have been so many greatly challenging emotional, relational and physical circumstances in my life recently that I wanted nothing more than to turn my back and run away from it all. 

Hiding seemed the best option. Who in the world could face and deal with this?

Then God whispered, "Run to Me, my child. I'm your safe place always. Hide yourself in Me". 

And He was right. There is no safer place to be in the eye of the storm than resting in the safety and shelter of the eternal Rock.

I'm still in the war zone. But I have faith in God fighting on my behalf as I relinquish control, learn to let go of anxiety and fear and receive His peace and calm to enable me to keep on walking.

Our problems may not go away, but we are better equipped to deal with them.

So let's get tough on tough situations:

Take (all) Our Upsets Griefs (and concerns to) Him

I'm willing to try it. How about you?

Linking here with Tracy at Winsome Wednesday



And with Jennifer at Tell His Story

You are very welcome to join in

Have a heart

There are times in our lives when God speaks more insistently to our hearts than usual.

Those Holy Spirit whispers are words we need to pay attention to.

Our heart, as defined in Scripture, represents the core, essence of our being, the fabric of who we are and how we act, seat of our reason, courage, innermost feelings.

Recently, God has been showing me things about myself I would have preferred not to be aware of.

It all started with a devotional book I was reading that spoke of asking God to show us a picture of our heart.

This wasn't asking for an anatomical representation of the fist-shaped, blood-pumping organ that lies roughly in the centre of our chest.

No. It was seeking greater knowledge about what makes us tick, how we act and react and what that indicates about our inner being.

So, I braved the request, "Lord, please show me a picture of my heart"...and He did.

ImageCourtesyofFreeDigitalPhotos.Net

What He revealed was an image of a crushed, fragile, papery heart.

As I prayed, God showed me that this image represented the fragility of my feelings, how easily bruised and wounded I can be if I allow certain emotions to hold sway.

Discouragement reign supreme. Disappointment rule. Despair ravage my hopes and dreams.

" Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" ~ Proverbs 4:23

His desire is for my heart to be crushed only with empathy and love for others, a willingness to burden-bear and intercede as His Spirit leads.

If I allow God to have my heart, He will guard it, make it strong and viable, rather than fragile and friable, soft and tender where it needs to be, as I open myself up to be a channel of blessing for others.

Our God does heart surgery as He transplants new hearts for old.

I was aware of the see-saw nature of my emotions and found much to blame them on:M.E fatigue, pain, lack of restful sleep, hormones, various issues etc.

God helped me see that a root of insecurity remains - the same root that made me want to control myself and my environment when all went haywire in my past.

All went haywire with my blogging yesterday too as I attempted to copy my last published post (ironically entitled 'Brave') into a folder and somehow ended up deleting the original as I updated it.

Don't ask me how. Technology and I are barely on speaking terms at the moment - more like screaming (me) and silence (laptop).

Deep breaths... Deep breaths....Gasp...Deep breaths.

What did this teach me?

• Back everything up, back everything up, back Everything up!!
• It doesn't help in the slightest to **@~##{{<< @ ~~ at the laptop (OK, just a little bit), keep pressing buttons and watch it all crash.
• It does help to...take deep breaths, step away from it, make a soothing cup of chamomile tea (or a stiff drink) and (most importantly) ask for help from Someone. Who. Knows. What. To. Do.
• When I'm, squeezed (pressed, stressed and tired)I fail to give off the aroma of Christ, emitting instead a bad stink of thoughts, words and deeds.
• We don't have to actively seek discouragement, disappointment or despair. They hang around waiting to drop on us and sabotage our days as soon as we drop our guards.

It also pays to remember that we are more than the sum of our parts or the efforts of our hands (said through gritted teeth and clenched jaw).

Neither is it really about tangible evidence in front of us or how congenial or otherwise our circumstances might be.

God's word reminds us that He is our Security. Safe place. Anchor for the soul. Always.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that in a world caving in and falling apart.

Sometimes it takes a glimpse into another person's pain to see how it overshadows your own.

Sometimes we lose what we value to gain a greater good.

My heart was setting too much store on achievement, approval, being visible when I feel invisible in this tiny sphere I move within.

But never invisible to God. 

The One who desires our highest good stands scalpel at the ready to carve away the dross we can do without and sculpt a heart fit for purpose.

God can take away a hard, stony heart and replace it with a tender, loving one..little by little..as it is surrendered to Him.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" ~ Ezekiel 36:26

A Prayer

Dear Father,

You alone know us inside out. Nothing about us surprises You.

It is easy to fool ourselves that everything is as it should be,

until You point a finger on the areas we need to pay attention to.

Then we wriggle and squirm under Your searchlight scrutiny.

For our souls lean more naturally into darkness than light.

But Yours is a laser-light to burn off the dross 
and promote healing.

You desire truth in the inner parts of our being.

You desire to change all that is displeasing to You.

Help us to co-operate and allow You to have Your way in us.

Melt our hard hearts.

Bind up the bruised and broken ones.

Wrap arms of love around the wounded ones.

Pour out Your grace and compassion.

Fill us with Your Spirit so that we can give out to others.

Remind us day by day how we are being changed from glory to glory

so that we do not lose heart if progress seems slow.

Thank you for the new heart and new life we have in Christ.

Help us to use it to live well for You.

Amen

Linking here with Tania Vaughan for Monday Ministry, where we seek to bring Sunday words and thoughts into the rest of the week.

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May you be blessed with God's light, grace and peace (and a co-operative, fully functioning PC) until we meet again.