Travelling closer to home

Of all the journeys we make, none take so long nor have such a lasting effect on our lives as our journey of life and faith.

And within that journey, one of the hardest routes is this ~ the one God's word needs to negotiate to have its fullest impact ~ the distance between our head and our heart.

A mere 12 inches or so can feel like many miles of weary trudging with no respite or end in sight. We believe but we somehow fail to receive.

We long for instant inspiration, restoration and change, only God takes His time with us.

His best and deepest work cannot be rushed. We are continual works in progress, slowly being sanctified day by day from one degree of glory to another.

For change to be lasting and effective, we need a revelation on who we are in Christ and how that impacts everything else. 

Every step we take. Every relationship we make. Every mistake we hesitate over. Every word we utter, every desire to be seen, heard or to take cover.

It has taken me many years to grasp the fundamentals of this alone. I'm a slow learner.

I've travelled a path of guilt and shame, worn it into dirt and ashes, lost myself in its greyness, choked on the dust of it.

Become unravelled as it spooled out before me in torn and tangled threads.

Failed to see how beauty could come out of ashes, joy out of despair, hope from helplessness. 

But God.. is teaching me to see myself whole, healed and restored in Him. 

As wounded ones with broken wings we feel tethered to earth.

Weighed down and set aside.

Until God gently lifts us up and sets us free to fly again.

His current of grace and mercy revives and refreshes all who are weary and wounded.

We are enabled to fly free and whole within the very air He breathes.

And to discover holy ground is also here; for in the things of earth, in the mud of the mundane and soil of the secular His Presence still surrounds us.

Though shame and guilt seek to pull us back to grubbing in dirt and ashes if we let them, they have no lasting hold over us.

Because as long as we learn to accept His forgiveness, and forgive ourselves as well, there is nothing stopping us from travelling light, flying free and soaring high. 

Every journey we take eventually leads us back to the Father's arms, back to His loving embrace.

We are returning to the place where we came from and will always belong ~ the place of completeness, goodness, forgiveness, love, acceptance and grace.

Our heavenly home made manifest in God's kingdom on earth, where its roots dig deep into our souls, with its fullness to come in eternity.

And this home may be the last place we think to look as we make our restless travels and travails of the soul as prodigal sojourners here.

But it is the only place where we can be truly free to be ourselves as God intended us to be, and fully, unconditionally loved just as we are.

Emily Wierenga, (who I have quoted from above) finally found herself flying free after her many journeys away in body, mind and spirit eventually led her to a place of grace and healing. 

She writes vividly about the process in her inspiring book, 'Atlas Girl' (You can click here to check it out and see my review) and discover more about her journey of life and faith on her beautiful blog. 

This post has been inspired by reading her candid and moving memoir. I encourage you to read it too and find inspiration for your own journey of life and faith.

Wallowing in the mire

It wasn't planned. It never is. Feelings take over and a flood pours out.

Isn't that always the way? These things sneak up on us unawares. 

All of a sudden we spew forth dirty words. Falling fast as raindrops and just as impossible to stem the flow. 

I grow impatient and irritable when fatigue and frustration reach simmering point. It's hard being dependent with M.E and chronic illness sometimes. 

My ultra keen observer eye still notices everything, including all those "I wouldn't do it like that" instances.

Watching while others are doing things I am unable to do doesn't prevent me from having a point of view about it.

Today was one of those days when carping and criticism replaced kindness and concern. A hasty harangue spilled forth before I knew what was happening. 

Ignoring my beloved's crestfallen face, weary resignation, and attempts to placate me, I continued in my spiel. 

Getting all self-righteous and defensive. Feeling justified, even if words spoken in haste tend to be repented at leisure.

Scalded by the heat of words rising to burn us both and sear the air around. 

Though this wasn't exactly a rare, isolated incident. Anger, upset, frustration and impatience sit close to the surface.

I withdrew. A weighty stone of shame sat heavy on my chest, refusing to be swallowed.

Gnawing at the edges of my nails as if I could bite the bad away.

Tasting grit as guilt ate at the core of me.

Only sooner than usual, my mind reminded me of Grace Revealed In Trials and how to dig deep into the soil of His word instead of digging over the past few shameful moments. 

Here lies rich, fertile soil to run through the soul. Embed in the empty spaces. Good ground to turn over, till and test.

Plant some faith seeds and watch them grow. Sow a crop of righteousness instead of sowing to destruction. 

Here lies water. A cool refreshing stream of cleansing. Purification to renew heart and mind. 

I was having a bad day and it showed. But I was also having trouble showing myself grace and mercy.

If a friend were suffering likewise I would take her hand and offer reassurance. 

Listen to her words and those left unsaid.

Look into her eyes and tell her things weren't as bad as they seemed and God has forgiveness enough to cover it all. 

His love for her will never fail. His mercies are new every morning. His grace is sufficient for all our needs. 

Remind her we're no longer soil dwellers ~ rooted to earth as we are ~ but seated in heavenly places with Christ. And as such we have all the resources of heaven at our disposal. 

Wallowing in the mire is a passing place where we find grace to lift us out of any pit we may have fallen into. 

Dig gently to try to unearth the root behind the bad fruit so that she can proceed with greater awareness and wisdom in future. 

Suggest she has some TLC to recover her equilibrium ~ a hot bath, massage, reading a great book, eating chocolate/ice-cream curled up in PJs, or whatever it takes.

Let her know she's going to be Okay and reading this book will help her to know that better. 

So why do we have such a hard job forgiving and being kind to ourselves?

We so often fail to show mercy toward our own faults and failings and can be our own worst enemy. Especially if our past is far from pristine and our current circumstances are far from Pinterest perfect.

Perhaps it's time to stop digging the dirt on ourselves and let the light of God's presence in.

For darkness cannot abide in its purity. Truth will out. And the truth is we are radically and outrageously loved by God Himself. 

He has paved the way to remove all the dirt from our souls and muddied speech from our mouths ~ one golden grace drop at a time ~ to renew and restore all that is sullied and broken.

What do you think? Is it hard for you to be kind to yourself?
Do join the discussion in the comments below.

Linking here with Nacole, Holley and Jennifer

Pass the band-aid

Hi,
It is quite likely that you, or another member of your household, has had need of one of these sticky things (pictured left) recently - depending on how accident-prone you might be, of course. 

Me? I rarely achieve shaving my legs without resort to needing one afterwards!
You may call it a band-aid, elastoplast, sticking plaster or something else.

Whether it is boring brown, hygienic white, blue, multi-hued or patterned with comic book figures, these are a staple in most family first-aid boxes. Just the job for minor cuts and scrapes. Not a lot of use for deep wounds or profuse bleeding. 

They require different treatment, usually from a health practitioner and in a hospital environment. Sometimes we carry deep wounds that we are barely aware of - they might be physical or emotional ones but the pain they bring eventually makes itself known.

If they come to our attention then we might feel that sticking a band-aid over them is all that's required. We can get by with just that, can't we?

I used to be that way. For many years, as painful emotions rose to the surface of my mind I stuffed them back down again and covered everything up. If things became impossible to ignore or deal with by myself then I tried counselling. 

After several years of trying various therapies, including hypnosis, reiki healing, aromatherapy and homoeopathy, alongside changing counsellors (about as often as I changed my toothbrush) and admitting that sometimes these things helped but more often than not they confused and hindered my 'recovery'; I was finally shocked into getting proper help.

Eventually, after I suffered a series of devastating losses - including health and career - in desperation I turned to Christian counselling and prayerful support -  not realising how long-term (we're talking years here) and in-depth it would need to be.

During the course of pouring out my understandable distress and sorrow over the losses I had encountered, it soon became clear that one loss stood out above others:

 The loss of my innocence and being robbed of a happy childhood

Now, I didn't intend to make this blog into a confessional, but that seems to be what it's becoming. I wanted to lighten the tone with some happy thoughts, light reflections and pretty poetry and had even got as far as producing a few drafts. But God had other ideas. He isn't through with the serous issues and that seems to be the area He is asking me to focus on at the moment.

Perhaps some of you can relate to how all-consuming such losses and events as I mentioned above can be in our lives until we deal with them somehow. Perhaps others will be given a window on a world they haven't encountered before.

The purpose of sharing some of my story here is to let you know that as we confront, examine and move through the events of our past, we can come to a point of being able to Let Go. In the act of letting go - especially releasing it into God's hands - we are enabled to Move On and look to the future in a new way.

God's word reassures us that Jesus came to give us:

"A crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.." ~ Isaiah 61:3 

As an avid reader it was no surprise that I found a lot of help, support and consolation from various books during my healing journey.

The bible was (and still is) my major source of help and strength. It spoke healing into areas as I began to uncover the wounds - gingerly peeling back the layers and seeing how they festered without due attention - and allow the Holy Spirit access to them. God's loving light is a refining fire to purify and cleanse us from all impurity and remove our guilt and shame.

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.." ~ Isaiah 61:7

I also gained insight, support and practical suggestions from 'Beauty for Ashes' by Joyce Meyer. Another really significant book that helped me tremendously was 'Breaking Free' by Beth Moore as it emphasises how to get rid of the various chains that hold us back from true liberty and freedom. 

Joyce Meyer's books are still a source of great inspiration for me. I have benefited greatly from reading 'Battlefield of the Mind' as it shows us how to get free from mental strongholds and learn to speak positively about ourselves and our situations. Needless to say, I am still a 'work in progress' in that area as in many others!

If I hadn't already had a relationship with The Healer and Great Physician of our souls, then I would have wanted to turn to Him as the best person to safely deal with my pain and bring beauty for ashes out of the mess and rubble of my ruined life

"Something beautiful, something good,

all my confusion He understood,

all I had to offer Him

was brokenness and strife,

                     but He made something beautiful of my life" ~ William T. Gaither

Sadly, we are not made perfect overnight once we make Jesus Lord of our lives but He does start us off on the journey leading to change, healing, wholeness, restoration and renewal.

If anything I have touched on today has struck a chord with you, then I urge you to seek the help you need to become a whole person again - perhaps you could begin by opening up to another person that you can trust, then maybe seeking medical assistance or counselling as required.

Believe me, I have been in that place and can verify that once the potentially frightening First Step is taken, then peeling away the layers bit by bit will eventually get easier and be releasing for you.

Freedom is achievable, though the process towards it can be painful.Think of it like lancing a wound to release the pus before full healing can occur. The only way out is through.

Please don't allow the poison of unforgiveness from the past to sour everything in the present with bitterness, resentment or regrets.

We all bear wounds and scars of various kinds as we travel through life. But the wound of unhealed trauma from the past will require more than a cosmetic solution. No band-aid will do.

 It may need professional help and will benefit hugely by being exposed to God's healing touch. Each person's journey will be different.

Those badges we wear - of shame, guilt, rejection  -are not permanent and don't really belong to us at all. We allow others to pin them on us, but they become part of our identity and we forget to remove them as we grow up.

If you want to consider how best to support another person with their problems, without offering more than a token band-aid solution,  then reading this post by Barry Pearman will aid your thinking.

Meanwhile, as we continue our journey towards wholeness, we can be 'Safe in His Arms' as sung by Phil Wickham. You won't regret taking a few minutes to listen to this beautiful, uplifting song.

Apologies for the lengthy writing and no poem today. But this topic needed space to be expressed properly. May God bless you and keep you safe always.

A Prayer

Dear Father,

We come to You in our weakness

in need of your strength.

We come to You with our pain

in need of Your healing.

We come to You in our confusion

in need of clarity and focus.

Thank you that You know us 

better than we know ourselves

and that You have already provided

for our every need in the person 

of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Please teach us to look to Him

and let His words be our guide,

His ways our example

and His love 

our great comfort in trial and adversity.
May we discover all that we can be In Christ
and may it be life changing for us.

Amen