When the miracle doesn't look like one

Sometimes we fail to see anticipated answers to our prayers.

Days, weeks, months, years, and even decades can pass without so much as a smidgen of the change we are seeking.

Things can actually get worse.

More challenges, problems, trials and tribulations occur and we wonder where God is in all of this. 

Can't He see, hear or understand how desperate we are?

What if God answered but the answer doesn't look or feel as we think it should?

I've been praying (and been prayed for) for physical healing for many years now.

What has happened? Some brief respite and remissions have occurred but none of them were sustained nor led to a deeper, more lasting change for the good.

Rather, a general decline has taken place, leading to a worsening in symptoms over the last five years as I've become more housebound and incapacitated. Has God failed to answers those prayers?

I thought that He didn't want me to be healed for some reason, or I wasn't ready to receive it. Perhaps healing was being delayed for a more optimal time of God's choosing.

Only our heavenly Father loves us too much to take any pleasure in prolonging suffering. His greatest desire is for us to be healed and made whole and healing is rarely a one-off event; His healing work takes us on a journey toward complete healing and wholeness in every area of our lives.

Time is needed for real, lasting alteration. Our healing journey will encompass every facet of  our lives, character, personality and calling. No two people will have the same path to travel.

I'm not the same person I used to be. A deep inner work of transformation is still going on in me and in you as we are made to be more like Jesus, changed from glory to glory, little by little. And it can feel like everything we are and know is being painfully pulled in a new direction as we rail against or resist being renewed in God's way.

What if the healing I seek looks more like: teaching me to be teachable, adaptable and receptive, changing my perceptions, defensive walls coming down, altering my outlook and world view? Isn't this still God at work?

It also looks like:deeper emotional healing, a restored marriage, strengthening of faith, hope, courage to tell my story, growing commitment to Christ, drawing me to a closer walk with Him, new priorities, new relationships and friendships, new outlets and opportunities, new kingdom-calling. All gifts of grace, all aspects of wholeness, all treasures mined in dark places, all to be recognised and thankful for.

On the outside, seeing my physical body weakening with M.E and other chronic health problems, it doesn't look good at all. But on the inside, with eyes open to see, I know my soul is being cleansed and healed, my spirit is flourishing in His Presence, and I am changing as He sees fit.

God works holistically with us. His desire is to make us like His Son and He's continually working in us for that purpose. Though the paradox of the 'now but not yet Kingdom' we are in is that complete healing in this lifetime is not a given. 

It is painfully easy to look for the negative and see only darkness, struggle and stress. It's not a good place to be in. When our focus is on what God has already done and is doing, rather than on what He hasn't, then we can learn to live with peace and thankfulness in the midst of our current circumstances, instead of contending with discouragement, frustration and impatience.

God may be saying these words to you too, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland" ~ Isaiah 43:18-19

My friend, I am a wilderness and valley dweller too. You are not alone. It's a dry, dusty, bleak and barren spot to be in. As we allow the rivers of grace to wash and refresh us each day, as we lean on His mercy and rely on His love to sustain us in our weary pilgrimage, the journey will not seem so arduous.

Rest your head on God's shoulders; let Him carry you and bear every load that weighs heavy. He knows how hard it has been and may still be. 

Believe that He is at work on your behalf and much goes on in the spiritual realms that earthly eyes cannot see. Reach out. Take His hand and walk with Him into the days He has planned to give you hope and a future. 

One day all will be revealed. One day, all pain, suffering, sickness and struggle will cease. For now, it is good to try to live out our lives with eyes open to the multiplicity of miracles and grace that are already being poured out on us day by day.

Your miracle answer to prayer may look very different than you envisaged; I know that mine is. My circumstances haven't changed, physical healing hasn't come yet, but I am being given grace to live with and to rise above my circumstances  - and that's no less a miracle in my eyes.

********

Kutless have a wonderful song called 'Even If' that speaks about trusting in God's goodness despite what we are going through. You can click here to hear the song.

Pass the band-aid

Hi,
It is quite likely that you, or another member of your household, has had need of one of these sticky things (pictured left) recently - depending on how accident-prone you might be, of course. 

Me? I rarely achieve shaving my legs without resort to needing one afterwards!
You may call it a band-aid, elastoplast, sticking plaster or something else.

Whether it is boring brown, hygienic white, blue, multi-hued or patterned with comic book figures, these are a staple in most family first-aid boxes. Just the job for minor cuts and scrapes. Not a lot of use for deep wounds or profuse bleeding. 

They require different treatment, usually from a health practitioner and in a hospital environment. Sometimes we carry deep wounds that we are barely aware of - they might be physical or emotional ones but the pain they bring eventually makes itself known.

If they come to our attention then we might feel that sticking a band-aid over them is all that's required. We can get by with just that, can't we?

I used to be that way. For many years, as painful emotions rose to the surface of my mind I stuffed them back down again and covered everything up. If things became impossible to ignore or deal with by myself then I tried counselling. 

After several years of trying various therapies, including hypnosis, reiki healing, aromatherapy and homoeopathy, alongside changing counsellors (about as often as I changed my toothbrush) and admitting that sometimes these things helped but more often than not they confused and hindered my 'recovery'; I was finally shocked into getting proper help.

Eventually, after I suffered a series of devastating losses - including health and career - in desperation I turned to Christian counselling and prayerful support -  not realising how long-term (we're talking years here) and in-depth it would need to be.

During the course of pouring out my understandable distress and sorrow over the losses I had encountered, it soon became clear that one loss stood out above others:

 The loss of my innocence and being robbed of a happy childhood

Now, I didn't intend to make this blog into a confessional, but that seems to be what it's becoming. I wanted to lighten the tone with some happy thoughts, light reflections and pretty poetry and had even got as far as producing a few drafts. But God had other ideas. He isn't through with the serous issues and that seems to be the area He is asking me to focus on at the moment.

Perhaps some of you can relate to how all-consuming such losses and events as I mentioned above can be in our lives until we deal with them somehow. Perhaps others will be given a window on a world they haven't encountered before.

The purpose of sharing some of my story here is to let you know that as we confront, examine and move through the events of our past, we can come to a point of being able to Let Go. In the act of letting go - especially releasing it into God's hands - we are enabled to Move On and look to the future in a new way.

God's word reassures us that Jesus came to give us:

"A crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.." ~ Isaiah 61:3 

As an avid reader it was no surprise that I found a lot of help, support and consolation from various books during my healing journey.

The bible was (and still is) my major source of help and strength. It spoke healing into areas as I began to uncover the wounds - gingerly peeling back the layers and seeing how they festered without due attention - and allow the Holy Spirit access to them. God's loving light is a refining fire to purify and cleanse us from all impurity and remove our guilt and shame.

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.." ~ Isaiah 61:7

I also gained insight, support and practical suggestions from 'Beauty for Ashes' by Joyce Meyer. Another really significant book that helped me tremendously was 'Breaking Free' by Beth Moore as it emphasises how to get rid of the various chains that hold us back from true liberty and freedom. 

Joyce Meyer's books are still a source of great inspiration for me. I have benefited greatly from reading 'Battlefield of the Mind' as it shows us how to get free from mental strongholds and learn to speak positively about ourselves and our situations. Needless to say, I am still a 'work in progress' in that area as in many others!

If I hadn't already had a relationship with The Healer and Great Physician of our souls, then I would have wanted to turn to Him as the best person to safely deal with my pain and bring beauty for ashes out of the mess and rubble of my ruined life

"Something beautiful, something good,

all my confusion He understood,

all I had to offer Him

was brokenness and strife,

                     but He made something beautiful of my life" ~ William T. Gaither

Sadly, we are not made perfect overnight once we make Jesus Lord of our lives but He does start us off on the journey leading to change, healing, wholeness, restoration and renewal.

If anything I have touched on today has struck a chord with you, then I urge you to seek the help you need to become a whole person again - perhaps you could begin by opening up to another person that you can trust, then maybe seeking medical assistance or counselling as required.

Believe me, I have been in that place and can verify that once the potentially frightening First Step is taken, then peeling away the layers bit by bit will eventually get easier and be releasing for you.

Freedom is achievable, though the process towards it can be painful.Think of it like lancing a wound to release the pus before full healing can occur. The only way out is through.

Please don't allow the poison of unforgiveness from the past to sour everything in the present with bitterness, resentment or regrets.

We all bear wounds and scars of various kinds as we travel through life. But the wound of unhealed trauma from the past will require more than a cosmetic solution. No band-aid will do.

 It may need professional help and will benefit hugely by being exposed to God's healing touch. Each person's journey will be different.

Those badges we wear - of shame, guilt, rejection  -are not permanent and don't really belong to us at all. We allow others to pin them on us, but they become part of our identity and we forget to remove them as we grow up.

If you want to consider how best to support another person with their problems, without offering more than a token band-aid solution,  then reading this post by Barry Pearman will aid your thinking.

Meanwhile, as we continue our journey towards wholeness, we can be 'Safe in His Arms' as sung by Phil Wickham. You won't regret taking a few minutes to listen to this beautiful, uplifting song.

Apologies for the lengthy writing and no poem today. But this topic needed space to be expressed properly. May God bless you and keep you safe always.

A Prayer

Dear Father,

We come to You in our weakness

in need of your strength.

We come to You with our pain

in need of Your healing.

We come to You in our confusion

in need of clarity and focus.

Thank you that You know us 

better than we know ourselves

and that You have already provided

for our every need in the person 

of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Please teach us to look to Him

and let His words be our guide,

His ways our example

and His love 

our great comfort in trial and adversity.
May we discover all that we can be In Christ
and may it be life changing for us.

Amen