A friend in need

Sometimes God answers a prayer you didn't pray.

In becoming the answer to another person's prayer, we can find our own needs addressed in ways we least expected.

It happened to me a few months ago.

The Philosopher (husband/carer/general dogsbody) and I found our health problems escalating over the last year and his ability to care for me/the household exponentially diminishing.

We felt overwhelmed and drowning, so we sought help and support from our church.

Before very long, it became clear that there was no-one both able and willing to come to our aid.

Finally, a casual conversation the Philosopher had with a friend brought a possible solution.

His wife was lonely and in need of close Christian fellowship and friendship with someone near at hand. She was also pretty nifty with an iron, vacuum cleaner and duster ~ hooray!

The couple called round unexpectedly one day to state their intent.

It was after lunch. I'd made it downstairs but I was feeling exhausted, wearing my oldest PJ's, hair awry, in need of a shower, and decidedly discomfited to be seen in such a mess.

I knew the husband pretty well but his 'late-in-life-God's-gift-of-a-wife' was almost a stranger to me. 

However, she was charming, kind and concerned. We decided to make arrangements and see how things went.

I thought if she'd already seen me (and the house) at our worst, then there wasn't much left to be concerned about, was there?

A few months down the line, and I am awed and amazed at how well it has all turned out.

Despite our different nationalities, culture, language, experiences and expectations we clicked straight away. Deep at heart, where it all counts, we are soul sisters in Christ.

Both of us know what it's like to be wounded (yes, even by fellow believers), to feel marginalised, ostracised, rejected and lonely.

Both of us needed a close, spiritual, giving and receiving, prayerful faith-sharing relationship, only she had been fervently asking for it and I was unaware of my need until I had it.

We came together cautiously and soon became good friends. Our common ground far outweighs our differences, fascinating as they are.

She knows I am an unreliable friend in terms of making definite arrangements to get together. But it's always worth it when we do, even if no housework gets done.

Although all forms of communication in general drain me considerably and have to be a paced event, our sharing time can vanish in a flash because it feeds my spirit and energises me briefly to be in her company.

She is a calming influence, a prayer support, an encourager and a great reminder of God's love and grace.

The main topic of conversation is our life with God, His goodness, mercy and amazing love, especially in the midst of life's challenges.

If you'd asked me a few months ago if I needed another female friend I would probably have said No. 

My life seemed full, rich maybe with such friends... even if the great majority are on social media due to the limitations of living with M.E and being largely housebound.

But in answering my need for help in the home, God allowed me to answer her need for friendship.

Nothing beats having a Jesus-with-skin-on real life friend and soul companion. They are precious indeed.

There may be more new friends to come who I have yet to meet, because who ever has enough genuine friends or grows out of the need to be a true friend for others?

That's the wonder of God. He knows our inmost needs before we're capable of giving them shape or thought. He is a friend in need and our best Friend indeed. 

And those inner heart cries for help? The ones we fail to voice? We can be reassured He hears, records and answers every word.

Not all answers are as unexpected as mine was, nor swift either. But we can trust God's heart even when His hand seems slow to save.

Don't give up hope, my friend. God is well aware of your needs...yes, even the most practical and prosaic ones..and will meet them in His own way and timing as you wait upon Him. 

Over to you:**How has God answered a prayer in an unexpected way for you? 

                  Have you had a new friend come into your life when you least expected it?**

Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.Your words matter. I love to hear from you, even if I may be slow to reply sometimes.

Lifting the lid on sex and sickness

Ever since I've been blogging I've tried to stay faithful to the message I believe God has given me to share.

Sometimes that can make me uncomfortable.

 My natural desire, yearning really, is to be bright, chatty, light and encouraging.

But, more often than not, I've been asked to go deep, intense even.

To write about things that are not usually discussed in polite conversation.

Now I am lifting the lid on sex and sickness issues.

Did that 3 letter word grab your attention?

It has a way of doing that. 

Our world celebrates, deifies and worships at the altar of sex as if it's going out of fashion...as if...and advertising glorifies it in all its air-brushed, honed and toned, artificial perfection.

We can be left feeling deflated, discouraged and defeated before we ever get round to performance.

So what is a mature (in years anyway) Christian woman like me doing by opening up this proverbial can of worms?

It's precisely because God invented it in the first place and ordained it as an act of consummation, union and communion of marriage that it is open to discussion for Christian believers.

And in Scripture, the Song of Songs/Solomon stands alone as a celebration of sexual love as well as being perceived as an allegory for Christ and the church.

I'm not coming at this from the stance of moral, theological debate or opinion (though I have a strong personal persuasion there), nor from a medical, ethical viewpoint ~ though I used to be a nurse and worked in gynaecology for a few years.

Rather, my part is to share some thoughts from experience as a woman in her 50s with chronic health problems who wants to raise awareness.

Contrary to popular opinion, one doesn't necessarily lose interest in sexual intimacy in mid-life, age 50, 60 or beyond, even if ability and agility may be less reliable than before.

Neither does interest necessarily wane when chronic illness/disability affects and afflicts us and make functioning complicated.

Couples in this scenario who love one another, and desire to be physically intimate, may have to be more sensitive, understanding, patient (and inventive) but not necessarily desist altogether.

An inability (enforced by physical illness) to make love fully and freely is an additional burden, strain and frustration in a limited and constrained life.

When chronic illness affects either partner, it can leave a legacy of great fatigue, pain and weakness that make any kind of sexual contact (never mind gymnastics) very hard to achieve.

Yes, I am fully aware that there is so much more to a marriage relationship than sex, and those other factors enhance the love and friendship that already exists between a couple.

Though nothing beats the deep bonding effect of sexual intimacy; it's an act where mind, body and spirit engage together and can provide a brief touch of 'heaven on earth' at its most sublime.

But, for those who are forced to prematurely alter or relinquish what they had previously enjoyed it is a bitter pill to swallow, requiring further adjustments to a changed lifestyle.

I've outlined these potential problems in long-term relationships. Just think about how great the problems are for those who are younger and/or single, with every expectation of a healthy sex life to come.

To find those normal and natural expectations thwarted or unmet due to chronic sickness is a huge disappointment, source of frustration, sadness and discouragement.

Loving and being loved are among the greatest human needs we have and they encompass multiple expressions of being close and special to one another in various ways.

Adjustments are often necessary as we reach senior years, and also as we adapt to having long-term health problems at any age.

Despite media hype, very few of us will have a so-called 'perfect' sex life. The best we can hope for is that our sex lives will be mutually satisfying and fulfilling.

I haven't included mental health issues, problems or illness here. But they (and the side effects of medication) all play a highly significant role in potentially causing alteration in both sexual function and self-esteem, requiring further adaptation and adjustment.

So why am I speaking out about these issues?

Surely they are private things?

Well, yes, and no. So many issues get side-lined, ignored or neglected simply due to fear or embarrassment about "What might people think?"

Because I am seeking to press past people-approval issues in my life in general, it seems timely to write about it now in a 'feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway' kind of way. Also:

• It affects me a great deal personally ~ due to my chronic illness, disability, history of childhood sexual and emotional abuse leading to mental health breakdown and sexual dysfunction, I cannot easily be the sexy wife my husband deserves and needs ~ as I have shared in this open post about my marriage.
• Many suffer silently and need to know they are not isolated or alone.
• Sweeping these problems under the carpet only leads to them creeping out again, ready to trip us up when we least expect it.
• Providing an open forum aids greater understanding and respect for sufferers.
• Life is enhanced by mutual support and hope of seeing change.
• Finally, I'm at that stage when I'm growing older and bolder in my life and writing!

And, though we may try hard to conceal it, all of us are broken, wounded people to some extent or other.

Though Jesus defeated sin, sickness and death on the cross, we do not witness the full physical reality of that in this lifetime, but will only do so in His kingdom to come. For not everyone gets healed or delivered this side of heaven. 

We live with contradiction and mystery. We also live with great hope for the future. Here now, with God, we are on a journey toward greater healing and wholeness.

One day, these perishable, earthly bodies will be fully redeemed and become imperishable, eternal, resurrection bodies. And I, for one, can't wait!

What do you think?

How have these issues impacted your life or the life of your loved ones?

Please feel free to join the discussion in the comments below.

********

**Note** This post was partly written in draft form several months ago, awaiting such a time as this when I felt brave enough to share. My hope and prayer is that it will help others who are struggling in this area too.

Thank you to all those who took part in the 'Love Idol' draw in my last post. A winner has been selected at random from all who left a comment. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to complete the draw, but my health has been particularly challenging over the last month.

However, I'm delighted to announce that Ceil's name was drawn (by my OH) as the winner. Congratulations, Ceil! Please send me your snail mail address and a copy of 'Love Idol' will be winging it's way to you asap. 

Shades of purple

Life is rarely all (or even 50)shades of grey. We have a rich palette of experiences that colour our world with light, delicate hues or vivid shades that stain deep.

Purple is one of my favourite colours and it happens to be the one used to symbolise Fibromyalgia too.

For those with Fibromyalgia their world is pierced dark with unrelenting pain.

As an M.E/CFS sufferer I also have accompanying Fibromyalgia, (you can click here to find out what it is) which is sadly an all too common addition to our already depleting and debilitating symptoms.

It is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day in the UK on May 12th and this poem is written to honour the occasion.

Shades of Purple

Ringed black and blue

visible wounding

heavy bruised stain

seeping into skin

with tender throb of pain.

But you wound internal

pulsating deep

Fibro' fingers

prodding, poking, pain

that always lingers.

Morning stiff

to greet the dawn

making body stumble

movement slow

with risk of tumble.

Purple prose

swallowed down

as limbs grind painful

muscles sore, gait unsteady,

awkward, shameful.

Echoes of dark

bleeding out of day

escorting in the night

with sleep-elusive sigh

as body seizes tight.

Purple-coloured robes

draping royal and holy
  mantle of love

covering aches and pains

with grace from above.

Shades of purple

tinged with layers of faith,

bringing strength and healing

as God's heavenly light

shines with Hope revealing.
©JoyLenton2013

No matter how sick we may be there is always hope for improvement and healing.

Until that happens, we support and encourage one another as best we can.

A Prayer

Father, we struggle at times to endure
 hardship and pain that has no cure.

We long so much for it all to end,
  for relief to come, as we stoop and bend.

Grant us grace and strength to persevere,
continuing to know that You are so near
a simple heart's cry is already heard
even if we do not utter a word.
In the darkest nights we fail to rest
and have many days when we're far from our best.
Weakness and weariness play their part 
in bringing discouragement to make us lose heart.
Lift and encourage us when we feel sad 
during those moments when pain's really bad.
For you are the One who we turn to in need
and You help to heal and make all pain recede.
Thank you.
Amen.

To stay in touch with my posts you can join by Google Friend Connect, follow on Twitter or like my Facebook page. Thank you!

May God bless and give you His peace until we meet again.

Joy-bringers

There are many joy-bringers in my life.

For instance, I love...curling up with a good book, drinking coffee with friends, reading and writing poetry, watching the sun set, sniffing sea air, laughter, company, solitude, connecting, meals with friends and family. Some of these are easily achievable now, others must wait for the right timing.

What it comes down to is that while I derive great satisfaction and pleasure from many little things, and enjoy tremendously having a creative writing outlet, it is relationships that provide me with the greatest joy and pleasure.

I delight most in family and friends, knowing and being known, loving and being loved. God's purpose is for us to be in relationship with one another and primarily with Him.

In thinking about Holley's question this week:"What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-sized dream?" I have been considering an aspect of joy that doesn't easily come to mind. Like this verse:

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" ~ James 1:2 - 4  

Really? in trials? How is that possible? We can be so downcast by our concerns that despair takes over instead. The natural reaction is to be upset, discouraged, angry even.

God may be in control but we feel anything but. Too much pain to even think straight.

This is joy - but not as we know it. It is evidence of Holy Spirit's presence in our hearts

"Joy is not gush. Joy is not mere jolly-ness. Joy is perfect acquiescence - acceptance, rest - in God's will, whatever comes. And that is so, only for the soul that delights in God" ~ Amy Carmichael

God-shaped joy transcends circumstances - it is mysterious, wonderful and liberating.

When our circumstances are far from joyful, we can discover it afresh in recognising how we are held, kept, strengthened and comforted in our hour of need. 

His presence is what stabilises our see-saw emotions and gives grace to cope just one more day, then the next, and so on, and provides the means to endure or overcome.

"Some of God's best gifts must be unwrapped in the darkness. Think of your last major trial. What "good thing" did the Lord slip into your hands in those difficult days?" ~ Joni Eareckson Tada 'Daily Devotionals'

The joy we have is in casting our cares and burdens on the Lord, safe in the knowledge He is dealing with them and granting us grace to rest easy.

The prayer below is written to celebrate what brings me joy on my God-sized Dream journey and life in general. 

Joy Is..walking with Him

Dear Father,

It seems strange to think that our afflictions can be joy-bringers. 

Yet I know, that without mine I would lead a selfish, disconnected life and be all the poorer for losing such deep, need-driven, daily dependence on your grace and mercy.

For, in love, You have given us joy in knowing You, joy in living with Your constant presence, and joy in the persevering, enduring and overcoming of our pain and sorrow.

We are made to dream big dreams, to believe for the impossible, 

to see Your hand at work bringing life from what seems dead.

This year, a dream was laid on my heart. I have dared to hope for a life beyond the everyday and ordinary. 

A seed of hope has been sown, liberally watered by the encouragement of those who accompany me on this journey. Their interest and support have helped the fragile seed to grow.

You knew I lacked the courage to walk this path alone.

You knew I would give up without a word to cheer me on.

You knew my fears and failings would make me falter.

My weakness would make me wilt.

My pain would bring a halt to participating.

And You gave...as You always do... liberally, freely, graciously.

You gave me sisters in solidarity, 

hope in hearing their own hearts beat to a tune of Your choosing,

peace in pursuing purpose,

strength in sharing,

courage in creativity,

all helping me to be here now -

still walking in faith, still writing, 

still living and believing for great things to come. 

For You are a Rewarder of those who diligently seek You.
And that's my goal, day after day, week after week, month after month;
 for the Giver of all good gifts does not disappoint us.
You created this journey, set us on the path, walk with us every step of the way,
 and hold out hands to guide toward the finishing line where a great crowd of witnesses will greet and cheer. For all these things and Your many mercies we thank you.

Amen.

"When large numbers of people share their joy in common, the happiness of each is greater because it adds fuel to the other's flame" ~ St Augustine

My fellow God-sized dreamers have brought me joy in the sharing, caring, encouraging and supporting. With Holley setting us a weekly task I have been able to get into a rhythm of regular blogging on a specific subject and that's been a great discipline and challenge. 

Linking up here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team

We would love you to join us and share your own journey with God this year.

What brings you the most joy in your life?

Are there positive steps you could take to increase your joy levels?

Wounded Warriors

IF:

...You count crawling out of bed each day as Victorious Christian Living

...Hope rocks back and forth in tandem with your feelings

...The valley floor you walk is mud-slushed with years of pacing

...Going round and round the same mountain is making you dizzy

...The ache is your heart feels like a lead balloon

...Smiling is a lost art which feels forced in the doing

...Your cross feels too heavy to carry one second longer

...You're dead-tired and about to throw in the towel

...You see one more toothpaste-smiley Christian telling you how to secure your miracle and feel you might want to throw up over their perfectly pressed suit..

Then..this prayer is for you

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out" ~ Isaiah 42:3

A Prayer for the Hurting

God bless the wounded warriors,

the ones who crawl and cry through,

those who press in and press on 

with leaking eyes and leaking wounds,

the battle-scarred and beaten down.

Bless the broken-hearted,bleeding and bruised

 reeds rubbed raw by those who have 

rubbished and rejected them,

those who can barely lift their face

weighed heavy with shame and disgrace.

Hold those who cannot hold on another minute,

whose lives are fear-filled,

whose faces are tear-filled,

who feel empty of worth and value

of no repute, cast aside, left behind.

Keep safe the ones who are drowning,

whose days and nights 

drip with disappointment,

dread, darkness and torment 

of body and soul.

Cradle the lonely;

let your love wash over them,

embrace their emptiness

and fill with the companionship

that only Your Presence provides.

Come alongside the misunderstood,

the marginalised,

the misfits,

the mayhem makers

and risk takers.

Bring strength to the weary,

grace for the weak,

hope for the hurting,

freedom for captives,

peace for the pain.

The path is long, the way is hard,

finishing line too far to see

as we drag there on our knees,

dry and thirsty for relief

desperate for some ease.

Walk with us as you did of old

on sand-encrusted shore,

dirt-trodden pathways,

seeking and saving 

those who are lost.

For we need you, Lord Jesus;

Your return seems far off,

We fight and we fail,

shout, cry and rail,

for a touch from above.

Amen.

©JoyLenton2013

Here, we admit: Our need to be real, avoid jargon and ill-timed Christianese, recognise struggle, acknowledge the hard path, the road less travelled that many of us tread with wearied steps. 

Here we seek: Not to wallow but to offer empathy, sharing and caring to all wounded souls.

Coming up in a future post: Thoughts, words and prayers to offer hope and healing.

For now: Listen to your heart's cries. Admit your need. See that you are not alone. Take a crumb of comfort from others on the journey. Seek help if life stays painful.

A letter to the God-sized Dreamers

"Dreams are the seeds of creative reality" ~ Anon

Dreams

It began...

with vague ideas swimming through clouded, crowded thoughts

misted heavy with scepticism and soft-whisper in our hearts that we hear, 
though we hesitate: This? Me? Now? Really?

Until it pulses strong, a throb in tune with every beat
 of our being that we can no longer ignore.

Circulating in mind, soul and spirit, this germinating seed 

wants to take root in fertile soil of faith and hope.

This fragile, tiny speck teeming with life and potential 
now captured and held, watered and fed with encouragement,

supported and staked round by Sisterly Sharing,

a calling out of dreams as confidence swells and seeds take root.

Surrounded by voices of faith who cajole and carry 

these tender shoots nurtured in hearts united in purpose.

Watch them grow with grace-filled words

with leaves of love, stems of gratitude, hope-filled centres

unfurling and blooming before our very eyes

as we marvel at what we are creating...

Together.

It continues...

as winds of adversity blow and threaten, weeds surround to choke and stifle, waves of weariness and ditches of discouragement seek to drown out 
the very life of what has already come and appeared to be thriving.

Storms pass and we cling on, secure in knowing we hold each other firm, pushing out strong canes of confidence to stabilise one another, plant leaning against plant - our dreams survive for another day.

Finally...

It is God Himself who gave this seed to us.

He will protect it with all His might.

We have no need of fear 

when drought sucks us dry 

or we flail in overwhelming floods. 

For dreams are meant to be fulfilled 

and they will be

one tiny inch at a time,

one shoot,

one bud,

one flower

one petal,

one leaf.

Bit by bit a plant grows 

and so will your dreams...

Just keep trusting.

*******

This is written to encourage and support my fellow travellers on the God-sized Dream journey as a way of showing why we all need one another and our dreams, especially through the hard times which stretch and challenge us.

Your dreams matter. You matter. Be brave in the telling. Sharing is caring.

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dream to somebody else" ~ Erma Bombeck

Each one of us brings a fresh vision of God's purposes. Each one of us brings a gift of grace to help and encourage others.

"Friends...They cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams" ~ Henry David Thoreau

And for all fellow travellers on this journey of life and faith,  this is true, particularly in the tough times: Together we are Stronger

I am linking here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized Dream Team. 

Find out more about how God gifts us with dreams and how to pursue them in this great new resource -

 Holley's latest book:'You're made for a God-sized Dream' is available from Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com

All of us can have a God-sized Dream. It starts with surrender to God's will and His way for our lives. As we learn to listen to His voice speaking to us, He implants His desires in our hearts:

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart" ~ Psalm 37:4

We would love you to join us in exploring the dream God has laid on your heart. Do feel free to leave a comment and let me know how your journey is going.

To stay in touch you can sign up for e-mail or like my page on Facebook 

Going solo?

The waters are choppy. I'm holding on for all I'm worth. One woman pitted against the buffeting winds and rising waves.

Not sailing as you might know it.
But attempting to keep this vessel afloat in stormy seas.

The tides of life and waters of adversity are trying to steer me off course.

 Others are alongside me in the battle to stay afloat. But I am managing this part solo. 

Apart from the wind of the Holy Spirit

The whispering voice through the weariness of a long-distance voyage

The Captain of the ship

The Helmsman

The Anchor

You see, this week's God-sized Dream challenge was to find ourselves a buddy. To team up with a friend to come on board to offer prayer, support and encouragement in pursuit of our dream. 

This friend could come from our regular, everyday lives or be an on-line companion. The idea being to write a post about who you have chosen and why.

Which left me in rather a dilemma.

Strangely, this is a dream I've shared openly on a public platform with people who don't really know me, yet lacked the courage to discuss with those who do

I have very few close Christian friends who I could call upon at short notice for this task. Many are just too hard-pressed and busy for me to want to bother them, or simply not available.

I realise I haven't opened up and shared as I could have done. 

My dream stayed locked up.

Perhaps this fragile, germinating seed of a dream might wilt or wither under the potential blaze of bewilderment, chill of indifference or heat of rejection from those whose opinion means so much to me?

Issues of trust and insecurity can be paralysing and stop us from moving forward

The hermit-like, housebound existence I have as an M.E and chronic illness sufferer can mean long periods without seeing another soul apart from my husband.

It is all too easy for friends to lose touch, drift apart, be separated by distance as well as time - despite the numerous ways we have to stay connected.

After making a few tentative enquiries that came to nothing, and praying about what to do, I began to see that I do indeed have a friend accompanying me on this journey.

This Friend is always with me

He planted this dream within my heart

He will nurture the seedling of promise and cause it to become a strong plant

With This Friend by my side I have no need to fear

I am covered in prayer

I am protected from harm
                                                                                                          
Supported. Encouraged. Loved.

After all, He created me, knows me inside out and cares deeply for me.

This could be a time to trust in the fact that God Himself is partnering with me and may want me to simply rest in and rely on Him for the time being.

In fact, God is partnering with all of us who invite Him in to our everyday lives, hopes and dreams, who open the door of their heart and ask Him in. He longs to be in relationship with you too

We also need other people and relationships to enrich our lives, share with, reveal hidden depths and aspects of our characters, offer help, support and encouragement on our journey through life.

I am grateful for those who relate to me that way and still open to the possibility of a friend partnering me for this God-sized dream journey!

In this post I am linking up with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized Dream team. We'd love you to join us and share this journey of exploration, growth and change.

You can also like my page on Facebook or follow me on Twitter

I hope you will keep in touch so we can support and encourage one another in the pursuit of our God-sized dream and the challenges it brings and share our life with God in other ways too.

Stay blessed and encouraged!

Pass the band-aid

Hi,
It is quite likely that you, or another member of your household, has had need of one of these sticky things (pictured left) recently - depending on how accident-prone you might be, of course. 

Me? I rarely achieve shaving my legs without resort to needing one afterwards!
You may call it a band-aid, elastoplast, sticking plaster or something else.

Whether it is boring brown, hygienic white, blue, multi-hued or patterned with comic book figures, these are a staple in most family first-aid boxes. Just the job for minor cuts and scrapes. Not a lot of use for deep wounds or profuse bleeding. 

They require different treatment, usually from a health practitioner and in a hospital environment. Sometimes we carry deep wounds that we are barely aware of - they might be physical or emotional ones but the pain they bring eventually makes itself known.

If they come to our attention then we might feel that sticking a band-aid over them is all that's required. We can get by with just that, can't we?

I used to be that way. For many years, as painful emotions rose to the surface of my mind I stuffed them back down again and covered everything up. If things became impossible to ignore or deal with by myself then I tried counselling. 

After several years of trying various therapies, including hypnosis, reiki healing, aromatherapy and homoeopathy, alongside changing counsellors (about as often as I changed my toothbrush) and admitting that sometimes these things helped but more often than not they confused and hindered my 'recovery'; I was finally shocked into getting proper help.

Eventually, after I suffered a series of devastating losses - including health and career - in desperation I turned to Christian counselling and prayerful support -  not realising how long-term (we're talking years here) and in-depth it would need to be.

During the course of pouring out my understandable distress and sorrow over the losses I had encountered, it soon became clear that one loss stood out above others:

 The loss of my innocence and being robbed of a happy childhood

Now, I didn't intend to make this blog into a confessional, but that seems to be what it's becoming. I wanted to lighten the tone with some happy thoughts, light reflections and pretty poetry and had even got as far as producing a few drafts. But God had other ideas. He isn't through with the serous issues and that seems to be the area He is asking me to focus on at the moment.

Perhaps some of you can relate to how all-consuming such losses and events as I mentioned above can be in our lives until we deal with them somehow. Perhaps others will be given a window on a world they haven't encountered before.

The purpose of sharing some of my story here is to let you know that as we confront, examine and move through the events of our past, we can come to a point of being able to Let Go. In the act of letting go - especially releasing it into God's hands - we are enabled to Move On and look to the future in a new way.

God's word reassures us that Jesus came to give us:

"A crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.." ~ Isaiah 61:3 

As an avid reader it was no surprise that I found a lot of help, support and consolation from various books during my healing journey.

The bible was (and still is) my major source of help and strength. It spoke healing into areas as I began to uncover the wounds - gingerly peeling back the layers and seeing how they festered without due attention - and allow the Holy Spirit access to them. God's loving light is a refining fire to purify and cleanse us from all impurity and remove our guilt and shame.

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.." ~ Isaiah 61:7

I also gained insight, support and practical suggestions from 'Beauty for Ashes' by Joyce Meyer. Another really significant book that helped me tremendously was 'Breaking Free' by Beth Moore as it emphasises how to get rid of the various chains that hold us back from true liberty and freedom. 

Joyce Meyer's books are still a source of great inspiration for me. I have benefited greatly from reading 'Battlefield of the Mind' as it shows us how to get free from mental strongholds and learn to speak positively about ourselves and our situations. Needless to say, I am still a 'work in progress' in that area as in many others!

If I hadn't already had a relationship with The Healer and Great Physician of our souls, then I would have wanted to turn to Him as the best person to safely deal with my pain and bring beauty for ashes out of the mess and rubble of my ruined life

"Something beautiful, something good,

all my confusion He understood,

all I had to offer Him

was brokenness and strife,

                     but He made something beautiful of my life" ~ William T. Gaither

Sadly, we are not made perfect overnight once we make Jesus Lord of our lives but He does start us off on the journey leading to change, healing, wholeness, restoration and renewal.

If anything I have touched on today has struck a chord with you, then I urge you to seek the help you need to become a whole person again - perhaps you could begin by opening up to another person that you can trust, then maybe seeking medical assistance or counselling as required.

Believe me, I have been in that place and can verify that once the potentially frightening First Step is taken, then peeling away the layers bit by bit will eventually get easier and be releasing for you.

Freedom is achievable, though the process towards it can be painful.Think of it like lancing a wound to release the pus before full healing can occur. The only way out is through.

Please don't allow the poison of unforgiveness from the past to sour everything in the present with bitterness, resentment or regrets.

We all bear wounds and scars of various kinds as we travel through life. But the wound of unhealed trauma from the past will require more than a cosmetic solution. No band-aid will do.

 It may need professional help and will benefit hugely by being exposed to God's healing touch. Each person's journey will be different.

Those badges we wear - of shame, guilt, rejection  -are not permanent and don't really belong to us at all. We allow others to pin them on us, but they become part of our identity and we forget to remove them as we grow up.

If you want to consider how best to support another person with their problems, without offering more than a token band-aid solution,  then reading this post by Barry Pearman will aid your thinking.

Meanwhile, as we continue our journey towards wholeness, we can be 'Safe in His Arms' as sung by Phil Wickham. You won't regret taking a few minutes to listen to this beautiful, uplifting song.

Apologies for the lengthy writing and no poem today. But this topic needed space to be expressed properly. May God bless you and keep you safe always.

A Prayer

Dear Father,

We come to You in our weakness

in need of your strength.

We come to You with our pain

in need of Your healing.

We come to You in our confusion

in need of clarity and focus.

Thank you that You know us 

better than we know ourselves

and that You have already provided

for our every need in the person 

of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Please teach us to look to Him

and let His words be our guide,

His ways our example

and His love 

our great comfort in trial and adversity.
May we discover all that we can be In Christ
and may it be life changing for us.

Amen