Nothing muted here

It's been one of those weeks when thoughts don't flow freely and thinking feels more like a mud-dredging effort to mine for a few scattered gems than an easy, relaxed, effortless activity.

Life with M.E often brings brain fog and muddled (muddied) thinking as well as problems with focus and concentration.

Strangely, when words sit heavy for me and hard to find, it seems that poetry rises faster with more fluency than prose.

So this week's Five Minute Friday writing challenge lends itself well to verse, for better or worse!

Today's prompt is:'Red'

START..

Red Offering

You want me to wear red

that shout-out-loud, 'look at me'

noisy hot breath 

of anger and danger

can't I wear something 

more muted instead?

Red is...poured out, bleeding offering

on a cross of shame and suffering

death pooling, injury, wounding,

scarring, revealing scarlet thread

signalling loss and pain

And yet...there's a vibrancy 

a glow, shining brightness about it all

love's token of a heart aflame

grace revealing in Jesus name

a warming, birth of hope rising

with each petal falling 

from head, hands and feet

as offering for us all

to pass on to those we meet

Shout it loud...red is good

don't fade into crowd

be proud to take a stand

and a share of the sorrow 

and shame He bore

so you can bear the weight

of Love He brings to everything

with forgiveness threads spooling

onto ground weeping red

it's a cause to rejoice

for us all

©JoyLenton2013

STOP.

Linking here with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday where we write freely on a given topic, from the heart, as it comes, with no worry about perfection.

You are very welcome and warmly invited to join in.

Living in the upside-down kingdom

Welcome to the challenging creative writing exercise that is Five Minute Friday.

Here we watch words fall as they will and try to catch them on the way, pinning them to page before they are lost.

It's always a nice surprise to read back and see how we have been inspired in a limited time frame with a one word prompt.

Today's prompt is:'Last'


START...

Seen from above

Look up...

You may be drowning in a mountain of debt

living in a lonely tent of discouragement

worrying about how to survive today, never mind tomorrow

uncertain how to pray when sick, full of grief or sorrow

concerned about how your many needs can be met

Remember...

Nothing we see here is permanent

there is a way to live and love, even when

you feel drained and empty, dry with thirst

for in the upside-down kingdom the

 first will be last and the last first

as heavenly life seen from below

is very different viewed from above

Hold on...

Even when you feel you cannot last another day

for this too shall pass in time to come

and these circumstances won't always hold sway

Don't let the world make you weary 

and sad as you listen to its mournful

dreary tune in your head

Take hold...

of the promises in God's word

the ones you have received and heard

as He speaks to your heart.

You may feel you're at the end of your rope

bottom of the pile and out of hope

but He sees you by His side, forever loved, 

cherished, a winner - not disqualified

©JoyLenton2013

STOP.

Linking here with Lisa-Jo Baker and the other Five Minute Friday participants.

You are warmly invited to join in. 

All you do is set the clock, write for 5 minutes, join the link-up and read the post next to yours (and more if able) so that we can encourage one another. 

No worry about perfection, over-thinking or editing.

Where I find a place to belong

Welcome to another Five Minute Friday writing exercise where we spill forth words in 5 minutes flat and watch them fall with no worry about perfection, over-thinking or marinading.

Today's prompt is:'Belong'

START...

Where I belong

Childhood didn't fit

 with illegitimate

writ large across my life

until they did the decent thing

 and became husband and wife

Mind and body abused,

unwanted, neglected and

used, so I escaped

into words

wrote out my heart

longing to belong 

Somewhere

as friends proved fickle

to this extrovert-shy 

child heart looking 

to be a part

one of the crowd

not stand-out alone

when face and form didn't fit

selection for a sporting team

and being accepted

remained a distant dream

I gave all I had

yet secret things

remained locked up

with feeling sad 

and bad in my own

and others' eyes

no athletic glory

nor academic prize

and yet I yearned

to be accepted

just as I am

Then a Voice 

whispered close

drew me in 

with cords of love

compassion

 and forgiveness 

for my sin

full acceptance

and understanding 

of everything

my life of pain 

and mess

Now unfurling 

as plant to sun

with tendrils of trust

leaning close 

to Father's heart

the One True Place

where I belong

in His embrace

lifted and held

each day by 

fresh outpourings

of love and grace

with fears 

of being an outsider

no longer holding sway

©JoyLenton2013

STOP.

Linking here with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. You are very welcome to join in.

To stay in touch with my posts, poetic and otherwise, you can subscribe by e-mail, join with Google Friend Connect or like my Facebook page.

Journey of life and creativity

As we travel through life we also make a spiritual and creative journey that alters over time with our own growth in knowledge and experience.

My life and creativity have been inextricably linked; there have been brief seasons of plenty, overshadowed by many fallow times too.

As I reflect back, I can see surprisingly rich pickings in experience as gold glints all the brighter through the murky detritus of dark places.

If you had suggested to me, only a few years ago, that good things would come out of bad, then I would have found it hard to believe you. All seemed lost and hopeless as I battled demons from my past.

But here I am now:sharing my story, hopes, dreams, lessons learnt in the dark nights of the soul, and revealing grace glimmers shining brightly throughout it all.

And I share, as always, with the objective of encouraging you to believe that you too can walk through painful times and come out the other side  - not necessarily unscathed, but able to trace God's hand at work keeping you safe, loving and protecting you,  and never leaving or forsaking you, no matter how it may feel.

Today, I am sharing some of my life and creative journey by participating in the writing contest 'You Are A Writer'  held by 'Positive Writer', Bryan Hutchinson - you can click on the link to find out more.

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart" ~ William Wordsworth

Becoming a Writer

As an eager child offering art or verse, my parents were indifferent, cold or worse

so I hid my work from prying eyes, indoctrinated as I was to secrets and lies.

And hidden they largely remained, with nothing ventured and nothing gained.

Though I scribbled in diaries, on paper and card, I had to try really hard

to believe anything good of myself at all when writing was seen 

as time-wasting scrawl in the minds of parents, siblings et al.

Senior school English gave me a thrill as the only subject I felt capable

of nailing down or succeeding at will. So I wrote stories

shared on the grass during lunchtime soirees as time passed 

with giggles, unwrapping of sandwiches and teenage yearnings of love

 voices hushed and stilled, and content lapped up by friends

 eagerly listening to each instalment from me.

Taking courage from true love's embrace

no longer feeling so shy or shame-faced

my poetry was shared and aired in a minor public place -

a church magazine, a lover's gaze - while I blushed grateful

to be on the page. Accepted at last as a writer of sorts

with words flowing freely amongst my cohorts.

More years of hiding the light and turning away 

as my dysfunctional past began to hold sway

in my life and my head, leaving no space

for creativity to flourish, be expressed, or embraced.

Too much pain needing addressing lie close at hand 

and no more years hiding my head in the sand.

Now older and wiser - at least I hope so -

I've experienced healing of emotions from letting go

and releasing everything I can be into God's hands

as the best for me - just as He planned.

And thanks to Jeff Goins, for his inspiring book 'You are a writer..' 

stirred deep, made me pause, reflect, take a second look.

Reviewing juvenile scribblings and poems penned

unleashed desire to start over again with writing and publishing 

my work on a blog, though much of it's written through an M.E fog.

Learning to let go of perfection, learning to love the craft

daring to believe and say (in wonder), "I am a writer"  

  even before compiling my first book draft!
©JoyLenton2013

The words, "I am a writer" do not sit easy yet or roll blithely off the tongue. Rather, I tread warily in this brave new world, aware that they could be sharp stones to catch myself on, trip me up, stumble over and cut me open - revealing the full raw vulnerability within.

I also tread secure in my small corner invisibility, daring to speak with such audacity only because the One who beckoned me on this journey also accompanies, encourages, anoints and equips every step of the way.

He leads and I follow with hesitant, tentative step, knowing in my heart that this is an act of faith as I walk Ezekiel - like, marvelling at how God breathes life into dead things. He calls those things which are not as if they were, and wants me to believe it too.

So I take His hand, strengthened by His voice of wisdom directing, leading and guiding my creative journey as He does the rest of my life.

If you are wondering whether or not you are a writer, may I encourage you to just do it? Pour your heart and soul out in words, in offering, and dare to share them

One day, we will read and be thankful that you did. And so will you. Writing is cathartic, releasing and freeing, as well as a valuable contribution to life's rich tapestry of experiences.

The world needs to hear and receive your creative voice too:in words, poetry, prose, through art, music, craft-making, home-keeping, sewing, baking - however you want to express it, the sky is the limit -  simply enjoy creating as you were created to do.

You may have been seriously discouraged, derailed and disappointed by other people's responses, your own low self-esteem or lack of confidence. 

But you don't have to stay stuck there.

I am living proof, in the Autumn of my life, that it's never too late to start again.

Your reach may be large or small, with an appreciative audience or none at all.

Once you recognise you have the spirit and soul of a writer then you need to write,  regardless of who pays attention or not

So do have a go.

Resurrect those dust-laden drawings, painting, poetry, prose, that creative urge; give them a good shake down and tell yourself, "Yes, I am a writer/poet/artist/creative person", and go create, my friend!

*******

Photo credit:.freedigitalphotos.net

What hinders or helps the expression of your creativity?

How can you begin to enjoy being creative once more?

Please feel free to join in with the comments below. I love to read and reply to them. Thank you.

This post is also part of the 'Journeying' series that started here. There will be more on that topic to follow soon.

To stay in touch with my posts you can link up via Google Friend Connect or subscribe by e-mail. I would also love to connect with you on Facebook  or Twitter

Living in between this world and the next

Welcome to another foray into Five Minute Friday where we write straight from the heart, as it comes, letting words fall as they will without worrying about perfection.

Then we link up, read the post directly before ours, leave a comment and encourage our fellow writers in the process. Because that's what it's all about.

Today's prompt is:'In between'

START....

In between

In-between life and death 

lies despair and dying 

hopes crushed and crying 

And we have love and laughter

expectation of joy ever after

with family and friends 

when losing loved ones is not the end

Waiting for healing that doesn't always come

seeing grace revealing Jesus as God's Son

we try and we falter to live life aright 

in this topsy-turvy world of pain and sadness

 where you still shine your Light

So we continue believing all will be better

your goodness receiving in word, deed and letter

Our hearts yearn for more than eyes can see

as we cling to today for all we are worth

knowing tomorrow brings forth

new hope, life and birth

With the rising of each morning sun 

help us stay eager for the hope to come 

as to your hand we faithfully cling 

When all feels overwhelming 
keep us resting in the peace 
and calm only you can bring

to comfort our hearts as we linger 

in between this world and the next

Help us do our part 
by living faithful

to all things unseen

proclaiming your Truth with zeal and zest 
ushering in your kingdom to come 
with grateful hearts

as we finally enter your rest

©JoyLenton2013

STOP.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Linking here with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. You are very welcome and warmly encouraged to participate.

To stay in touch with my posts (poetic and otherwise) you can link up with Google Friend Connect or subscribe by e-mail.

I would also love you to connect with me on Twitter or Facebook.

Dancing to the rhythm of grace

Welcome to another foray into Five Minute Friday, where words circle in our mind like birds and we try to pin them to paper in 5 minutes flat. No perfectionism. No over-thinking or marinading. Just writing as it comes, straight from the heart.


START..

Rhythm

Rhyme, rhythm

metre and verse

are the tools of a poet

for better or worse.

Life is a dance

an art and craft

lightly flowing

or really hard graft.

Living a life

that's out of synch

where stress and strife

are inextricably linked

I don't want to sway

to this familiar refrain

today's a new day

to release the pain.

Let me move 

to your rhythm of grace

behold love and truth

seen in your face.

Let go of shame

let go of fear

for your Spirit reigns

when I draw near.

Move to the beat

the calm of your heart

where love's made complete

and healing can start.

©JoyLenton2013

STOP.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly" ~ Matthew 11:28 - 30

Linking here with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. You're very welcome to join in.

To stay in touch with my posts (poetic and otherwise) you can subscribe by e-mail, follow on Twitter or like my Facebook page.

Seeking calm in a chaotic world

Life has been less than usual for me recently as I've sought an oasis of calm in what felt like an increasingly chaotic world.

Being housebound due to M.E, I've had to look outside my surroundings to seek solace for a burnt-out brain and weary body relapsing and frazzled by too much on-line connectivity.

So I went on a retreat.

No social media. No wi-fi. Nothing but stillness, calm, and lots of time to unwind.

It wasn't all plain sailing.

When life renders us physically still by default with chronic illness, we may assume we know how to sit before God in quiet reverence.

However, I discovered (yet again) how easy it is for a mind to be active and restless even as a body feels relatively inactive.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him" ~ Psalm 62:5

Outward stillness wasn't producing inner calm.

One afternoon when I was away, I heard footsteps tripping lightly up the stairs outside my room and felt a sudden, sharp pang of envy that I couldn't move as freely as they could.

Then I sensed God saying,"I need some to move swiftly hither and thither, and I need others to be still. You are one I choose to be still."

Even if my stillness was a default setting due to physical frailty, I still felt a little bit better after hearing those words, though my own choice would be to be one of the swift and strong, actively capable people.

But we don't always get what we want or think is best. Our ways are not necessarily God's ways.

Here I was in a Convent environment and I found myself barely able to pray. Every time I tried my mind was as weary as my flesh and words wouldn't come.

Part of the reason for being there was to pray about current and future needs and goals and here I was struggling to say much at all.

So I rested, took several deep breaths, and waited on God, and these words eventually came to my spirit:

"Depth matters more than length. Many words can be shallow, self-pitying or for show. A deep prayer is one that arises from a heart recognising its desperate need of and dependence on Me, and recognises Me as the Only Source of help to meet that need:a cry from one heart to another, a wounded soul calling out to Father God"

In the light of this, a simple cry of, "Help me, Jesus" or, "Lord have mercy" is a deep, earnest prayer.

In fact, we don't necessarily have to say anything at all. God hears the unspoken cries of our hearts.

"Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord" ~ Psalm 139:4

One of the lessons God is teaching me is to be still before Him in posture and silent in speech. 

This type of prayer is to be an offering of the heart alone.

It has meant learning to intercede by visualising the person concerned and simply lifting them up to God in my thoughts, holding them there and trusting Him to meet their every need.

Restful for a mind that finds focus hard and words failing!

This was an exercise in being focused primarily on God's Presence instead of on what to say and how to express it.

Being quiet before the Lord has the added bonus of giving us greater ability to hear His voice

I eventually found it really helpful as I began to rest and relax in this way.

Insights came. Peace and strength filled my inner being.

By the end of my stay time alone with God became something I eagerly sought, craved even.

The poem below tries to capture some of the essence of my Retreat experience.

"Be still and know that I am God" ~ Psalm 46:10

Retreat

In this world 

of rush and hurry

it is good sometimes

to pause from the flurry;

savour the flavour of

renewed zeal and zest

of the spiritual kind

that brings peace and rest

to soul and mind.

Let go the cares

Let go the noise

escape the world's snares

entertainment and toys.

Find a quiet place 

where healing resides

to soothe fretful hearts

and God's Spirit abides.

Let in the Light

Let in His Voice

that speaks soft

and calms us

so that we rejoice 

to heed yet again

what we once felt was lost

a treasure indeed -

The Pearl of great cost.

Let Love enfold you

Let Grace restore

all that is broken 

will be redeemed evermore,

enriched by His Presence

engulfed by His care

enlivened inside

as we lean, learn and share.

Returning once more 

to our home lives again
externally the same
internally changed

we have eyes to discern

sacred in the secular

made profound in His Name.

©JoyLenton2013

********

Since returning home it has been quite tricky to maintain lessons learnt in the quiet and stillness of a Convent guesthouse.

I'm very much a beginner on the contemplative journey and going on retreat was a new experience for me.

I'm finding it is becoming essential to try to balance life better by actively seeking to carve out time and space in the daily routine to make way for these moments.

Only life has a way of sneaking up on us with its many distractions, desires and temptations  that leave us time and energy-deprived.

And good intentions need to become new habits if they're not going to get lost.

This lesson looks like an ongoing one as I attempt to discover how often to dip in (and out) of social media, when to move forward and when to draw back, how much contact and connection is healthy and how much is just too draining and depleting for someone with M.E. (you can click on the link to see the symptoms)

It has taken me several days to write this post, though, (thankfully) most of the poem shaped itself when on retreat. My mind and body remain slow and lethargic, dulled further by the stronger analgesia I am taking for pain relief.

Lacking sufficient mental agility or acuity to join in with the usual Five Minute Friday, I am pleased to be linking here today with Missional Women Faith Filled Friday instead. You're very welcome to join us.

I'd love to know:

What lessons have you learnt in quiet times and places?

How do you balance life's commitments and personal goals with time with God?

I'm looking forward to hearing from you and sharing our thoughts.

To stay in touch you can connect with me on Twitter or follow on Facebook.

Journeying:Where it All Starts

Every life begins with a journey. As tiny infants we have to make our way into the world to truly commence on this adventure. It is taken as we traverse the birth canal, or maybe enter the world via a Cesarean Section.

The wonder of our time in the womb is a continual marvel that we are privy to in some small measure with intrauterine images.

Though nothing fully prepares us for the moment of arrival as we await the birth of our infants. Each one unique and special.

That time period of 40 weeks (more or less) is a miracle of Divine knowledge, planning and foresight.

God knows the secret place where conception takes place and the child develops. He is with us even as we flex and grow away from public view or scrutiny.

For those few weeks of our lives we literally live, move and have our being in Him as well as in our mother's womb.

I wonder what secrets we might have whispered to us by Holy Spirit's life-giving breath?

Sadly, I can only speculate. But I am sure we are welcomed, affirmed and celebrated even before we draw breath in the world outside this maternal home.

There is a secret that I've had to sit on for a few (excruciating) weeks when I longed to shout it from the rooftops:

We are on the way to becoming grandparents at the end of this year!

And I'm so excited I want to tell all.

So here is the news - leaked out publically now with permission from my youngest son (phew!) - and here is the poem that it inspired:

'Little One'

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb..my frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.." ~ Psalm 139:13 - 16

Little one,

barely grape-sized 
foetal-curved comma

nestling in your warm and watery cave,

I want you to know

how precious you are

to this family

and most of all to the One

who gave you spark of life

His the arms

now cradling you safe

as you stretch and grow

from tiny speck to tiny infant

His the voice

soothing with lullaby

of peace and rest

to your soul in slumber

All that you are

and all that you will be,

all the days yet ahead

span out like your starfish fingers

eagerly embracing the future

Take hold, sweet child,

take hold of His hand

and grip tight

Those are hands of love,

offering, rejoicing over you

with singing, an endless refrain

caressing with His grace

Rest there safe

until time is ripe

for your grand arrival,

when we too will

cradle, love and soothe

your tiny frame

©JoyLenton2013

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" ~ Psalm 139:16

This is part of a new series on journeying. I've written before about my God-sized dream journey and more aspects of life's journey will follow in time to come.

You can keep in touch with my posts by joining with Google Friend Connect, following on Twitter or by liking my Facebook page.

Being Framed

Sometimes there is a song needing to be sung, a word waiting to be heard, or a poem pressing to be penned.

Today is one of those days.

My offering is a poetic lament in support of M.E. Awareness Week (May 6th - 12th) and the way people with this condition are often perceived.  You can click on the link to find out more about it.

Being Framed

I've been framed, boxed, categorised,

sifted, found wanting in society's eyes.

I'm not the woman they think they see,

but an inner person that's really me.

Viewing the image the mirror provides

if I dare to risk, turning away with sighs;

decades of illness have left their mark

and it's hard to bear living in shaded dark.

My eyes need rest I urgently seek,

the brain is foggy, body made weak.

Pain and deformity cripple the frame

and it's hard to remember inside I'm the same.

A woman with dreams and a heart to express

all that's buried within, though under duress.

I want to be seen as I feel inside

but external appearance can cause me to hide.

Days without number I face my fears

that grow as hard to scale as our home stairs,

that this won't go away and I might not be healed

that the inner joy may be forever concealed.

For it's hard to stay cheerful, harder still to be bright

in a world that pushes us out of sight.

We're the invisible people, out of the game

our only identity is pain and shame.

Huge in number, if weak of voice,

the nameless ones who cannot rejoice

until labels and badges no longer apply

and we don't have to keep asking you, “Why?”

Why not believe us, why not accept

this could happen to you, being sick, life wrecked.

Your body a tomb for a spirit that's chained,

a livelihood lost, prison sentence gained.

Eyes that accuse, hearts that are hard

do nothing but continue marking our card.

Treated with scorn, hostility, derision

our whole future residing on whim of decision.

Fear haunts our days and disturbs our nights,

energy drained further to keep fighting our rights.

Please, won't you listen and heed the weak

as you hear our stories of the justice we seek?

Please remember we are people too,

not numbers, statistics, a warped world view.

Lives are at stake as bodies fail,

strong in intent, though our hearts quail.

Life in the Slow Lane can be no life at all

when it grinds to a halt against a brick wall.

If you know someone who has M.E,

please help them and tell them you see;

you witness their pain, you understand the need

and you won't turn away, you will pay heed.

All we ask is for people to see who we are,

recognising this disease will take us far

into a future where compassion can reign

instead of resentment, sadness and shame.

©JoyLenton2013

"Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged until he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope." ~ Isaiah 42:1 - 4

 Linking here with Nacole at sixinthesticks for concrete words, where we seek to express the abstract by means of a concrete word prompt. Todays is:The Frame. You are very welcome to join in.

You can stay in touch with my posts by Google Friend Connect, following on Twitter or by liking my Facebook page.