Girls just wanna have fun

Pursuing a God-sized dream is a fairly serious matter in terms of intent, dedication and commitment. It can alter the whole course of a life.

But there needs to be a time for resting and appreciating how far we have already come.

Holley has requested us to get in touch with our playful side this week as she's encouraged us to "do something creative. Snap a picture. Build a Pintrest board. Make a craft. Read a book. Bake a treat. Wrestle with your kids. Whatever energizes you...sometimes along the way to our dreams we just need a little time to play."

Soon after I read these suggestions this thought hit me with great awareness:

I have signally failed to factor fun into my life for far too long now (try saying that quickly) and my life has been all the poorer (and far too intense) as a result. 

Chronic sickness and fatigue, as well as lack of practice, may limit my options somewhat but I will do my best to re-introduce play/enjoyment even if it will take a bit of a gear-shift mentally and a bit of working out creatively!

So here's a snapshot of some things that have brought me pleasure this week.

Tuesday:

Dear Holley,
In this week's assignment are you asking us to do something:
 Frivolous Unnecessary Naughty to try the Fantastic Unlimited New or to Find Unexpected Nuances in our daily lives? Maybe all three.

Whatever follows is going to be presented while kicking perfectionism out the door and opening myself up to freedom of expression without worrying about what others may think of me. Taking that attitude alone should be fun (she says through gritted teeth!)

Wednesday:

A Limerick - Ode to Holley

Sweet, encouraging Holley Gerth

helps us pursue dreams for all they are worth.

She sets a weekly task

and this one's a big ask

for she wants us all rolling in mirth.

****

Actually, rolling around with mirth, giggling and breathless, is desirable but optional. Having fun is just doing more of what gives us pleasure, enjoyment and relaxation. Sometimes it's okay to act your shoe size (mine's 3.5 - 4 UK or 36 - 37 European) and not your age.

Thursday:

I love to write and have introduced fun into it by writing in a new way recently. Five Minute Friday encourages us to attempt 5 minutes of free flow writing on a given topic. So here is a 15 minute exercise instead (on a topic from a book I've been reading) of non-edited, as-it-comes writing:

When I am at a crossroads, I....

 

When I am at a crossroads I hesitate, dither, and try to remember which way I should be going. 
Uncertainty kicks in like an unwelcome stranger beside me. How to choose?

Too many choices only serve to confuse. Is life governed by the 'shoulds' and 'oughts'?

Would it really be so terrible if I gave in to "What if..?"

As long as the question isn't fear-based, then it is a road rich with potential of unexplored avenues, pathways to pleasure, roads to ruin, or streets of secrecy and shame, sheer delight. I remain rooted to the spot. Certainty shadows my thoughts and beckons with a sense of concrete calm. 
Go with the familiar is Certainty's refrain. Seems sensible. Logical. Doable. 
Though I can't avoid the fact it seems dull and pedestrian too. 
What if...I gave in to a desire for pastures new,
 took the left instead of forking right,

blindly stepped out into my fate and my future?

Would that be so terrible?

Crossroads have an intersection. A meeting point. 
Here, thoughts bundle together like traffic colliding. 
Being sure of where you're heading is no bad thing. Being grown-up and responsible. 
Secure. Safe. Yes, okay, a tad boring and predictable too maybe.

My inner child longs for safety. It's more about the heart being stable than the road being less than rocky. Lush green pastures are not the usual stopping place for me.

I've become accustomed to the wayside, the dark path, barely enough light to step ahead.

Lived for far too long in Safe Pastures in terms of fear of embracing the new.

A narrow gate for the Faithful.

A broad road that leads to destruction.

I can traverse any conditions if my Guide is with me.

He beckons me forward. Make a choice. Go where your heart and spirit lead you.

Dare to step out into the Unknown.

When I am with you you'll be safe, no matter what.

His the voice I choose to heed. Push back Fear and Uncertainty. 
Welcome in New Beginnings. See...I am stepping out...
looking around me...putting one foot in front of the other...
Freedom and Adventure are calling me and I'm going to follow willingly...

one step at a time.

Friday:

 

                     Pleasure on a plate

           Signs of Spring

Meet Marmaduke - a new friend

Participating in Five Minute Friday Fun here

Saturday:

Energy levels very low today. But I am rejoicing in having a husband who has a Jesus-like servant-heart, still loves me as tenderly as he did when we were starry-eyed young lovers, delights (usually) in doing the multiple household tasks I cannot manage, and always makes me smile with his great sense of humour.

I am needing to rest a lot physically so have turned to an activity I love: reading. Since joining social media and starting blogging, a lot of my reading is done on-line these days and I lack energy to read much else, though books still play a big part in my life; it just takes me much longer to finish them than it used to!

Nearly finished reading this book

Though I never want to stop living

wonder-struck by God's grace because

retaining a child-like sense of wonder is vital

You can find out more about the book here 

Chilling out with 'JOY' gentle lighted candle 

fragranced with aromatherapy essential oils of 

Jasmine Absolute, Bergamot, Patchouli, Basil and Yylang-Yylang

to soothe away the cares of the day

Sunday:

Cheered and encouraged by these words that speak of all we do in life being seen by God:

"Your work may go uncelebrated, but it will not go unrewarded. God has put you exactly where He needs you. You are fulfilling His purpose every day. Once you accept that, you'll find joy and meaning in what you're doing" ~ UCB 'Word for Today'

Though I rarely make it to church, 'church' makes its way to me via TV programmes and music. I particularly enjoy sermons by Charles Stanley, Paul Scanlon and Charles Price, to name but a few. It really helps me to connect to God by playing worship songs and singing along to the lyrics.

My taste varies depending on whether I need quietly contemplative, rocky, soulful, contemporary or traditional sounds. Today, I am listening to the lively Newsboys album,'God's not dead' and finding it so uplifting. 

I love 'The King is Coming' song for its upbeat music and positive lyrics. It highlights the fact that Jesus is going to return and we need to 'Make a way for the King' in our hearts and lives. You can Click on this to have a listen  if you'd like to.

Another lovely thing I enjoyed today was having our first Skype video-call conversation with our youngest son and daughter-in-law via my new laptop. It was great to 'see' them as they live at a distance and trips to visit one another are far and few between.

Monday

I wanted to go out and take a photo of a magnolia tree as it is one of my favourites and the sight of them in bloom lifts my spirits. We don't have garden space for one, unfortunately, but they are in my neighbourhood. Sadly, my camera is broken and I lack the fitness to make an excursion. Nevertheless, I have 'borrowed' photos instead.

Close-up of the blossoming flower

The tree in gloriously full bloom

Image Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Indulged in child-like ways with a chocolate mint lollipop as dessert tonight!

Tuesday

To close - another limerick ode to Holley

A delightful young lady called Holley

always look friendly and jolly,

for she's found a great scheme

to help you follow your dream

and to ignore her advice would be folly

I also attempted 'Open Office Draw' as I wanted to learn how to add words to images on my computer. Sadly, I didn't quite master the art enough to enable me to share anything. Though it has encouraged me to find up my old (physical) drawing materials and have a go once more. Perfection is overrated, after all - she adds blithely.

This week has been eye-opening for me and I'm determined to keep seeking ways to enlarge the capacity to enjoy my life, whether resuming old hobbies or taking up new ones.

The things that have brought me pleasure and enjoyment are minor and may seem insignificant to most, but they added liveliness and colour to my life. I have welcomed the emphasis on experiencing the richness of abundance from God who freely gives us all things to enjoy.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with eternal pleasures at your right hand" ~ Psalm 16:11

Hope you have seen His hand of grace upon your life too in the 'chill-axing' moments.

Do feel free to share in the comments below.

Linking up here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team.

You are very welcome to join us on the journey as we discover all that God has planned for us this year.

To stay in touch you can subscribe by e-mail, join me on Google Friend Connect, follow on Twitter, or like my Facebook page.

Journeying

Any journey we undertake with God is one where we are never alone, even if we may feel like it sometimes.

Our lives can seem empty, despite being full of activity, and we may sense an inner restlessness that nothing else can satisfy. 

A gentle, holy whisper in our hearts that bids us "Come" is worth paying attention to

Ever since I started my God-sized dream journey, He has made it abundantly clear I can do nothing without Him and that my deepest need is to spend time alone in His presence.

This week, Holley encouraged us to: set aside time to be with God - pray, journal, take a walk, or simply sit quietly and listen and then share what our heart receives.

Here's what happened:

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore.." ~ Andre Gide

 The shore we cling to may be one of Security. Comfort. Ease. Predictability.

It takes courage to step out into the unknown, unsure of where we'll end up.

In the changing scenes of life I am one who favours stability, though not stagnation.

My early life experiences steer me in the direction of wanting to be safe, to know what lies ahead and how to deal with it.

Yet God is always taking me out of my comfort zone, time and again.

Journeying with Him is anything but stable and predictable, even if His love, grace, help, comfort and character are always to be relied upon.

Though God is unquestionably good (and so are His plans for us), He is also (as Lucy learnt about Aslan) Not Safe in terms of being controllable or predictable - far from it.

Following God's ways are a challenge that stretches us to the utmost.

Journeying through the twists and turns of life involves accepting valleys as well as mountain-tops.

I'm aware that I would prefer the quick detour to the top rather than a circuitous, uphill climb that leaves me panting and breathless, red-faced with exertion and exhaustion.

Too much of my life is wilderness dwelling. I want to shake sand off and get moving somewhere more hospitable, but God has other ideas.

I sense Him saying: Pause. Breathe. Reflect. Enjoy the scenery. Yes, right where I am.

I'm a restless, impatient pilgrim, always wanting to see what is round the next corner.

Staying put to rest, reflect and enjoy the scenery before moving ahead is a challenge.

Being on pilgrimage is what shapes, makes, and often breaks us - removing preconceptions, limitations and ideas of managing in our own strength alone.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their heart on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a place of springs, the autumn rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion" ~ Psalm 84:5 - 7

Those deep, dark places are where we do our best growing as believers as we set our hearts on continuing the journey. The valley of weeping and wailing, darkness and discouragement, sadness and sorrow, can become a place of refreshment and watering for dry, thirsty souls because the Lord is close to the crushed and broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18)

'Autumn rain' speaks to me of the season of my life, autumnal years made mellow and ripe with potential of abundant fruitfulness - God willing; He isn't finished with me yet!

Those pools of refreshment may not be visible for a while, though rivulets run freely from the throne of Grace if we only look for and anticipate them.

The fruitful life may look anything but on the surface, yet yield great abundance in the spiritual realm.

Our frailty, weakness and vulnerability are the very avenues through which God shines best.

"If God sends us on stony paths, He will provide strong shoes" ~ Alexander Maclaren

If I can enjoy the moment, be fully present in the here and now, that way lies peace.

It is a rare gift to be able to trust God for each moment, enjoying His hand holding ours through storms, dark places and smoother pathways, with no alarm or anxiety in either state.

I'm not there yet and may never be, but I am grateful for the insights as I progress in faith.

As it is, God graces us all with companions, reassurance and hope along the way.

The words below are an encouragement to keep us journeying on, no matter what:

"Let nothing disturb you, nothing dismay you; all things are passing; God never changes; patient endurance attains all things; whoever possesses God lacks nothing; God alone suffices" ~ Teresa of Avila

******

What has God been revealing to you this week?

Do share in the comments below so we can support one another.

Linking here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team.

We would love you to join us on the journey and share what God is doing in your life.

To stay in touch, you can subscribe by e-mail, link with me on Google Friend Connect or by liking my Facebook page.

Figment

A bit of light-hearted relief in our God-sized dream journey this week as this comes to you by power of my (Spirit and faith-filled) imagination.

No deep soul-searching. Instead of a life described As Is, this is life 'As I wish it could be' as I challenge and confront fear head-on.

I know that no matter how boldly I may proclaim it, the fear monster has a way of creeping and sneaking back into my life to kill, steal and destroy.

Hopefully, the confidence and courage I have displayed here will rub off on me and on you too as you read!

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control" ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

So when the fear monster knocks at the door of our hearts we can:

Let Faith answer the door - and send him packing

Holley has asked us to "have a little talk with the fear in your life" by writing a letter to it.

So here goes:

Dear Chihuahua of Fear,

I have some things I'd like to say to you. 
You've had too much attention from me 
and it's gonna stop.
 For far too long you have held me captive...
 but no longer.
So sit up and pay attention to Me instead!

Though you may snarl and threaten like a doberman,
 bare teeth, bark like crazy, jump up with menace, ready to rip apart,
or lay down with innocent-guised slobbering, ball and bone playful, 
  looking intelligently placid, while you plan the next move - on your laptop,

I know you are really only a handbag-size, carry-around pet I have no further use for.
Though you primp and preen with self-importance, 
bigging yourself up larger than you are, flouncing in your finery, 
snappy-yappy to all who challenge,
when you know you have No Power Whatsoever to do more
 than run scared - tail between legs.

You are all noise and no substance

Or maybe you see yourself as a moose 
with horns outstretched, body proud and noble,
weighty killing machine, monarch of all you survey;
 head lifted high to scent for danger,ears and nose a-twitch,
 snuffling for food in the wild, aware of your prowess.

You are nothing more than a pipsqueak mouse.

Long tail thrashing and chasing,

cat escaping, soft-claw scuttling

 back into the hole where you belong.

A cheese gatherer, 

A maiden aunt frightener,

A means to scare

but nothing's really there

to be afraid of

Yes, I remember you appearing in friendly guise to my forebears.
Your rattle, hissing, and poisonous venom I have swallowed blind 
over years without number, without thinking.
Now, I choose to ignore the slither 
and 'come hither' of you creeping close.

Now, I want to kick you into grass
I've had enough of you invading my space

For, Serpent of Old,
you are dead in my eyes.
Just a dried-out husk of skin

I no longer seek to be wrapped up in

Image Courtesy of DigitalPhotos.Net

For, I'm a wily old bird,
wise to your ways.
Now, I can pick you up as the slimy,
weedy little worm you are,
and toss you aside.

Creeping black cat-like into our thoughts,
scratching around in our psyches
claws outstretched, back arched in anticipation 
of sinking teeth into hopes and dreams.
You think you're huge and roaring
but you're only tiny, shadow-boxing.

Get ready to run scared.
The battle cry is due.

The Lion of Judah is on the move
His roar The One to run from

He'll swipe you aside with ease
and already has devoured you.
His the courage we need,
His the strength to resist,
His the faith to protect us.

Only we believe the lies,
 give you room to play your games,
little seeing you for what you really are -
mist, myth, mischief and mayhem-maker,
dream-stealer, dark shadow,
form without substance

just.....False Evidence Appearing Real

You're a Figment,
no more, no less.

So, what are you waiting for?

Get Outta Here!

"There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment and (so) he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love's complete perfection)." ~ 1 John 4:18

Linking here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized Dream Team.

Do join us for the journey as we share together each week.

To stay in touch with my posts you can link by Google Friend Connect, subscribe by e-mail, or like my Facebook page.

No matter what

Sometimes we sweat the small stuff.

Major on minors.

Fail to differentiate between the two.

This year, I had a dream - a God-sized dream:

"To draw closer to God and discover His specific plan for me creatively and personally"

At the time I had no idea what a major part it would play in the scheme of things.

This week Holley asked, "Why is your dream worth pursuing, fighting for and seeing through no matter what happens?"

Pursuing it has become one of the most important and worthwhile things I do.

Anything that really matters is worth fighting for and seeing through - no matter what 

And I have had my fair share of discouragement, plenty of heart-sink moments in the pursuing.

It feels like a battle most weeks to show up and fight for the right to stay focused on the journey.

One vital thing is emerging.

This alone is the best reason to continue:

God gave me this dream and He walks beside me each tiny, tentative step of the way

It doesn't yet look how I imagined or hoped it might be

No soothing meadow-resting moments. No easy ride

I've been called upon to bare my soul, unlock the past, reveal the skeletons, shake the dust off them, share present struggles, and be bold in the telling.

Each week I have no idea what will emerge to frighten me or enlighten others.

This I do know:

My struggles, pain and problems only serve to enhance the need of God's presence.

My love for God grows stronger in the leaning and learning.

My faith in His holding power overcomes hesitation.

My desire to do His will magnifies with every step.

And the need to write is a compulsion. I cannot help myself. Words must flow.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be" ~ Abraham Maslow

Now I am finding courage in calling myself a writer and poet and not feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing, impostor extraordinaire waiting to be found out.

And, believing in this, I can be more open to God's plans for me creatively.

In a life circumscribed by sickness I come alive in the telling, with words growing strong and healthy even as body weakens and fails.

At this stage I can only glimpse a small piece of the puzzle, with no idea what will emerge in the finished picture.

My part is to stay faithful, adding one small piece at a time, watching as some semblance of form emerges, continue the journey and trust God for the outcome.

Beneath this weary body lies a rod of steely determination and a heart still full of hope.

I've started, so I'll finish (well, perhaps a bit of stubbornness here too).

I haven't come this far only to give up.

Even if the odds are stacked against me.

Even if it demands more than I ever imagined.

Even if courage only comes in the doing.

Even if ...'the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart, and dreams are still undone; You are God, You are good, forever faithful One' - lyrics from 'Even If' by Kutless (you can click on the link to hear the song)

No matter what, I know God is faithful and I trust Him to see me through

As long as He graces me to do so, I will pursue my dream and encourage you to do the same!

Linking here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team

Please feel free to join us on the journey. You are more than welcome.

To stay in touch you can sign up here for e-mails, link with me by Google Friend Connect or like my Facebook page. 

One Day

This week's God-sized dream assignment gave me cause for concern.

I've been asked to describe what 'a typical day in my life looks like right now'

I baulked at the idea because I live a Life Less Ordinary as an M.E and chronic illness sufferer for over 20 years, and describing my day As Is felt a bit too raw and close to home.

There is a certain degree of guilt and shame associated with not being a fully functioning member of society. Sadly, those with long-term physical or mental health problems are often misunderstood, marginalised, stigmatised and unfairly treated.

Dark thoughts rose unbidden, like excreta from a cesspool, polluting my mind with their stench:"What will people think?"  What will people say?"  "I can't do this"  "It's too hard"

Those old insecurities, low self-esteem and people-approval issues reared their ugly heads again.

Courage to speak comes from a Source outside of myself.

This isn't all about me. It's about being faithful in sharing, continuing on the journey, having confidence in the voice and story God has given me, being open, transparent and honest.

So I share, in a prayer to The One who knows me inside out and doesn't judge, criticise or condemn.

Be with me today, God, as I seek to be with You in Quietness and Peace

Image courtesy of Lauren: Life and Breath and Everything Else

Dear Lord, 
I wake for real, insomnia morphing into daylight-stirring, pinned in place by profound fatigue 
and pain invading every pore, a soreness-stabbed and stiffened form 
resisting all attempts to peel off covers and exit from the bed.

Holding on to banister, I inch down slow in my sleep-befuddled, brain-fogged state, 
careful to avoid repetition of the fall I had some months ago when weaker than today. 

Now, struggling to gather whatever wits I possess, as I gather cereal into bowl,
 green tea and lemon teabag, lemon squeeze and a slice, 
manuka honey dipped into mug at the ready (try to start the day healthy);
 I seek to spend some time with You. Not at my best at all, 
(though don't know when I am)
  I come to possess Your best for me this day
Asking for grace, strength, wisdom, guidance and clarity to read Your word, 
spend time in Your presence and be fortified for what lies ahead.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped" ~ Psalm:28:7

Opening 'Jesus Calling', Bible and Prayer Journal, pen at hand, 
I read and absorb the words before me 
and I wait as I pour out to You and You reply. 
Sometimes it's words I scribble down, eager not to miss a thing, 
or a peace, resting grace, healing joy, quiet balm for a wounded soul.
These days I hurry to the Throne before the phone. 
The urge to hear from and communicate with You
 exceeds the urge to let the noisy world in. 
I come because I must. I come because You invite us to.
I come empty, dry and weary, in need of filling and refuelling.
I come disabled, resting in Your capability.

"..they who wait for the Lord will renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint" ~ Isaiah 40:31 

 I want to linger longer, though other things shout for attention.
 You alone can sustain me. 
 Nothing else matters so much as these moments with You. 
From this space I can find grace to be available,
 eyes wide open to the needs around me, 
with a heart to reach and touch lives with words that You alone can give.
 Awareness, as I move into the day, that I can pray as you direct me to for those 
who are hurting, lost, in pain, weak, weary, discouraged - for I know how it feels.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a place of springs..They go from strength to strength.." ~ Psalm 84: 5 - 7  

Now breakfast eaten, drink made with usual slosh-splash 
spills from joint-swollen hands unsteady; 
plethora of pills, supplements - supporting a body out of kilter, immunity messed up, 
pervaded by ball and chain of persistent pain - washed down, with more to come.
 Connecting with others through social media - welcome distraction, friendship, support, 
fellowship of believers world-wide to meet in blogs, groups and prayer.

This is church for me now as illness keeps me captive to the house.
I join in, ready to help, pray and support where I can. 
Sit nursing coffee, speak to spouse, read, reflect, and try to wake up.
Consider it a good day if out of pyjamas by lunchtime, 
even better if showered and better still if hair can be washed,
though it renders me pole-axed for hours.
Never thought life would reduce to this. 
Going with the ebb and flow or burn and crash.

Image Courtesy of DigitalPhotos.Net

Potter and pace a bit with minor, manageable tasks at hand - some paperwork,
 e-mails, a phone call or two if voice and hands hold out.
Life slips by on screen large and small and I am grateful to join in at all,
remembering days confined to bed when Dark and Quiet companion me instead.
 If inspiration and energy flow, I write and write some more if able, 
for here I come alive, energised inside for a while
as You give me words to share and bless.

Mountain-scale those stairs, one slow crawl at a time, seeking rest, 
sleep, more rest; eat, bread baked and dinner made by my beloved.
Consider myself blessed to have him beside me,
cooking meals, tacking multiple tasks I cannot do;
his the physical effort, mine the emotional ballast, keeping all barely afloat,
caring and sharing, being strength, being grace, being light to one another.

"Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" ~ Proverbs 20:6

Image Courtesy of DigitalPhotos.Net

I'm a tortoise in this race for life
a snail in the pace of life
a Slow Lane dweller.
Grateful that my grown-up sons require a listening ear
rather than practical care.
I am asked, how do I see Your hand in the middle
of the 'small' and ordinary too?
Well, all is minutiae, all is small, all is ordinary,
until You render it great, Extraordinary, 
impossible made Possible.

And You are all in all and here throughout it all,
Your love the constant that I rely on,
Your presence energy for my soul,
Your grace is manna for today.
"Goodnight, Lord",
I whisper quiet as I read again
Your words of Hope and Faith;
watch over me as I sleep fitful
for You neither sleep nor slumber, 
and protect me from harm
until I rise again - Tomorrow.

Amen.

In all our struggles we have hope if we have God.

He doesn't promise freedom from sickness, weakness, pain or problems in this lifetime.

He does promise to be with us in and through it all.

And in time, One glorious Day to come, we have this reassurance:

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" ~ Revelation 21:4 

Linking here with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team.

Do join us each week as we share the journey.

To make sure you don't miss a thing, you can sign up here by e-mail.

You can also stay in touch on Twitter , connect with me on Google Friend Connect or like my Facebook page.