Render

Father God,
I am breaking with tradition here.
Our conversations are normally private.

But I sense what I am feeling and experiencing is echoed in others' lives.
There is purpose in sharing.

Just as I am learning the art and craft of poetry and writing in the doing of it, 
I am also learning the art of the Christian life 
in the practise of it.

The stop - start of surrender versus self-will,
 faith versus fear, 
grace versus greed, 
attending to You versus attending to anxiety.
Boldness versus quaking.
Strength instead of weakness.

Yesterday, I wrote about faith.
Attempted to define the Indefinable.
To express the Inexpressible.

Today, I wonder why faith so often feels like
 being stretched on a torture rack 
instead of a gentle limbering and warming of muscles before a race.

To be honest, I am really struggling with holding on.
This walk of faith is no picnic, no walk in the park.
Not for the faint-hearted.
Everything in me hurts.
I ache for Ordinary.
My normal is like a bad dream.

So many of us live lives of quiet desperation,
 frustration, discouragement and despair.
Surviving today feels like a marathon.
Tomorrow is another day to dread or endure.

That finishing line may find me thus:
limping, wounded, gasping, 
battle-scarred, crawling in the dirt,
barely able to reach the end -
Seeking Your hand to grasp.

We long to see change.
We long for a sign, a touch, a word.
We long to see You act in ways we cannot miss

But...You already have.

Render

Render my world

soft-focused

pink-tinted

golden-hued

blue-bubbling

laughter erupting

clean and new

Give me anything but

sharp-angled

indigo-stained

purple-patched

green-eyed

fear and tear filling 

guilt and shame.

Then I remember

how You hung -

crimson blood flowing

from nail-impaled
thorn-pierced

 sweat-drenched body - 

Death defeating.

Curtain torn asunder

dividing veil lifted

cross-surrendered

death-invaded

battle-scarred

Victory secured -

Light has come.

©Joy Lenton2012

Thank you, Father, 
for Light in our darkness,
Hope in our gloom,
Peace in our pain,
Strength in our weakness, 
Beauty for ashes,
Joy instead of mourning,
Praise instead of despair.
For those of us who struggle to see these things,
who have lost hope,
who need restoration
of faith, of circumstances, 
and a fresh perspective;
please bring a revelation
of Your grace 
and a deeper sense
of Your Presence
to sustain us.
Amen.

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Life's a beach

Christmas (and compassion?) wrapped away with the decorations.

Baubles, bells and blessings boxed up.

Merry-making turns to risk-taking.

Trying out the new for size.

Away with the glove-comfort fit of the old.

Seize the day, seize the moment, seize the....

Holiday brochures?

Ah, now you're talking.

Could do with a break.

All that socialising, magazine and TV-glossed perfection

that leaves us sickened with self-comparison, wearied by the smugness 

of lives lived out before us - our own paling into insignificance, such paltry offerings

redeemable by escaping these sullied shores

where life and weather drear the soul.

Let's make life a beach - not a bore or a chore

If only life was like this beach:

Easy and leisurely.

Nothing to spoil the view.

No sharp stones or pebbles.

Throw in the company of our loved ones, an endless supply of food and drink and who wouldn't want to be there?

Most of us have: 
At least a ripple or two of irritation going on.

Some stones on the path.

Large rocks looming up to obscure our view.

Some of us may have waves of worries, be drowning in debt, experiencing deserts of difficulties or feeling lost and alone amidst the forests of frustration.

An astute reader may wonder at all the watery references that have slipped into this blog of late.

I have been feeling a bit 'Out of my Depth' recently as I seem to be led to speak about the dark, difficult and painful path of life.

Life can feel overwhelming and far from 'beachy-peachy' for many of us, especially in this season, as we plaster on a smile to hide our heartache.

When it feels like the whole world is intent on rejoicing and celebrating, we can feel:

Out of sync, cast adrift on a raft of misery, depression, loss, grief, sickness - or just plain struggle to keep afloat. 

The title of this post could also be taken to mean 'Life's a bitch' as it's considered to be a kinder way of putting it. That may be an apt description of someone's life right now. Especially when celebrating a new year is the last thing you feel like doing.

Some may be experiencing or remembering literal floods and tsunami. Precious things are lost and life feels very precarious indeed. When life uproots us from our bearings we long for 'Ordinary' again and the reassurance it brings. Bring back familiar. Bring back life as we knew it.

As you read the poem below, please bear in mind these words of reassurance:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you..Since you are honoured and precious in my sight, and because I love you.." ~ Isaiah 43:1- 4 (edited version)

Tsunami

Darkness threatens to engulf me

in its stealthy shadows

as I hit rock-bottom once more -

crying a river of tears,

an unending stream

of desolation and despair

Sinews wrap round like seaweed

refusing to be peeled away

I'm drowning, floundering,

kicking at the shackles

yet they remain like limpets -

imprisoning, suffocating, life-draining

Need to let go of all hopes and dreams,

all the frustrated longings 

of my broken heart..broken life

Slipstream of desires

falling through my fingers

though I cling on tenaciously

I'm out of my depth in this place

as the waves and waters break,

crashing resoundingly on the shore

of Safe Landings

Perhaps I can reach it

if I surrender everything?

A heaving, seething, tumultuous tide of life

has battered and flattened me

Weakly I gasp, head barely afloat,

crushed, exhausted and spent,

resources all gone -

I lay weeping ... at Your feet.

©JoyLenton2012

"The seas have lifted up, O Lord, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea - the Lord on high is mighty" ~ Psalm 93:3-4

These verses remind us Who is in control - God is our Rock, Refuge, Safe Harbour, Shelter and High Tower at all times. He stands firm and holds us. Lyrics below are from 'Like the Angels'©2005ThankyouMusic ~ Brenton Brown

"When I am sinking down, when I am lost at sea
No solace to be found, no ground beneath my feet
I turn to You as I go down, I reach for You through roaring waves
My only hope is in Your arms, my only prayer is that You'd save me.

Cause You make me soar like angels
You let me walk on the water
You let me run with white horses
Jesus, my strength when all is gone
(You are my strength when all is gone)

When I am all alone, no land is in my sight
All others lost from view, and comes the darkening night
I reach for You as I go down, I look to You through roaring waves
My only hope is in Your arms, my only prayer is that You'd save me"

To hear Brenton Brown's song 'Like the Angels' Click on the link. Full lyrics are there too.

This is a period for recognising that not everyone feels safe, encouraged, blessed or hopeful. Jesus came specifically to heal the broken hearted and restore what was lost:

"..the Lord has anointed me to preach good new to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.." ~ Isaiah 61:1

Wherever you are at right now, no matter what you may be going through, remember that God cares, He loves you and desires to protect and keep you safe through all the storms of life. All He asks is that you turn to Him and rest in His loving embrace so that He can hold you close and give you all you need to live as an Overcomer. Then you will be able to echo the words of the psalmist:

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust" ~ Psalm 91:1-2

"When I said, "My foot is slipping", your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." ~ Psalm 94:18-19 

Pause to ponder:

As we begin this New Year,will you allow the tides of life to sweep you up and leave you bruised and battered?

Maybe hide the pain - try to ignore it in some way?

Or will you seek help,support,and the hope and strength that only God can give us?

I'd love you to share your thoughts in the comments below.

Out of my depth

Have you been out of your depth recently? I have. It is easy to feel swamped and overwhelmed.

My tendency - even as an M.E sufferer - is to rush (OK metaphorically speaking) into things with both feet, arms flailing, legs akimbo. What I may lack in skill I more than make up for in enthusiasm as I eagerly bound into new things, straining at the leash with puppyish delight. Let me at it!

The I surface - red faced and breathless - left choking and spluttering while the more experienced people dive in smoothly and swim around in a seamless, steady, effortless, professional and efficient fashion. They look so graceful and confident. Life is easy for them. At least that's how it seems. Oh, how I long to BE THEM.

Why am I always the one left slinking off to the shallow end, desperately searching for something to hold on to while I recover my breath and try to feel the surface beneath my feet again? 

What started out looking comparatively easy and straightforward has brought too many challenges to deal with by myself. Or what looked too difficult becomes something I try to ignore and avoid doing.

Perhaps I'm not alone?
Maybe someone else can relate to feeling like:

• A failure
• Procrastinator
• Inadequate
• Hopeless

Sometimes life can cause us to react like this if:

• Waves of worry have sunk us into a fit of depression
• Tides of terror stalk our days and nights as fear knocks us sideways
• Streams of sorrow engulf and threaten to drown us
• Ripples of resentment or regret filter continually through our minds
• Crustaceans of comparison have stolen our joy

Our tendency may be to run away from our problems when waves of crisis or difficulty loom on the horizon. No matter if we subsequently suffer from more difficulties and frustrations later on as a consequence of our immediate cowardice or procrastination.
Guess what?

Such feelings are more common than we think - especially with things we ought to rather than choose to do.

In fact, the Bible has a great example in the book of Jonah. When he tried to run away from the clear challenge God had presented to him of preaching His word of repentance to the people of Nineveh, his life became far more complicated and dangerous as a result. He ended up in the belly of a great fish:

"Lord..You hurled me into the deep,

into the very heart of the seas,

and the currents swirled about me;

all your waves and breakers swept over me.

The engulfing waters threatened me,

the deep surrounded me;

seaweed was wrapped round my head" ~ Jonah 2:3, 5

He was someone who felt resentful and overwhelmed by the commission he was given and chose to follow his own instincts rather than the path that God had chosen for him.

Yet God showed Jonah grace and mercy by arranging for him to be swallowed by the fish instead of drowning. He was rescued and given a second chance. Jonah's story shows us that:

• Our way of looking at a situation is not the same as God's
• Our disobedience can be costly
• Our mission and calling are important
• Our trust in God to see us through is vital
• Our experiences can be lessons for others

The best way to beat the waves of trials and painful challenges is to: Face Them and admit our need of help outside our own resources.

So where did the defection and dereliction of duty leave Jonah? In the belly of a whale - a place where he gained a fresh perspective. Often God positions us in such a place. It may come by various means. 

But we can always rely on it to make us sit up and reconsider what God is asking us to do. God will still fulfil His purposes in, through and even despite of us at times. Grace and help are freely available.

"And when by God's grace I come through it all? Oh, the relief when I know the problem is behind me. With God's help I've beaten it. What an invigorating feeling!" ~ from 'Secret Strength' by Joni Eareckson Tada

We are helped far more than we may know:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" ~ Isaiah 41:10

I would love you to share your own experiences:

Can you relate to feeling out of your depth?
What helped or hindered the process?
Did a fresh perspective help you to see life differently?