Weeds are flowers too

As new life springs up all around, I am a bit ashamed to confess that our garden is a messy, tangled up space where weeds run rampant and grass is deep enough to hide things in.

But even this uncultivated space, which speaks loud of our slowness and incapacity, is a source of gratitude and deepening awareness.

As I move more into contemplative mood more during these soul-warming Spring days, I'm developing a greater need to see the sacred in the secular.

I want to awaken to wonder and deeper awareness of God's goodness and grace all around me.

He is manifest to those with eyes to see and ears to hear and reveals Himself in unexpected ways.

As I stepped out the back door recently I saw a blaze of golden sunny rays from tilting heads as dandelions raised their flag to the world.

Unashamedly brazen in their boldness. No apology for being 'less than' any other plant.

And I know deep down that weeds are as flowers, especially when a garden is bereft of those.

Weeds are a sign of life, vigour and vitality.

Weeds speak of thriving where we are planted, of survival against the odds.

Their tenacity and endurance are like faith markers in the soil of God's word.

Their perseverance shows grit and determination.

Their colour is as vivid as any true flower and the green reveal of them is sap and spark of life itself.

They bend to will of wind yet try to straighten tall against the fray of cooler, cloudburst days.

Seeing them move and sway reminds me how Holy Spirit speaks to my soul ~ sometimes soft and low like a soothing lullaby, or fierce and wild as reminder of God's searing love driving through His child's heart in the desire for me to learn and come up higher.

Seeing beauty in the everyday shapes my thoughts, words and poetry. The one below came from seeing a dancing poppy.

'Hanging on'

A lone dancing poppy

bends its head

to will of wind

Faded and jaded

it hangs limp

from its stem

Bravely hanging on

no matter where

the Spirit sends

©JoyLenton2015

Am I advocating we all let our gardens run wild? Embrace chaos, perhaps?

No, not really, even though there is often treasure to be found in seeing what comes up naturally.

What I want to emphasise is how we can feel like weeds - insignificant, on the margins, border and edge-dwellers in society.

Physical and mental health issues help to intensify those feelings, although they are common to all of us from time to time.

And standing alone, feeling lost, left out and isolated is uncomfortable and disturbing.

Friend, let me reassure you that you are not unseen, uncared for, unwanted or unknown. 

I care deeply about all who enter this space, all who are part of its reading community. I pray for you and about you ~ yes, invisible as you may seem.

More significantly, God sees; He cares; He loves you beyond measure.

He wants to be your constant Companion and the Gardener of your soul all the days of your life.

You are already lovely in His eyes, special and unique, no matter whether you feel like a bedraggled weed or a beautiful bloomer.

Because God gives us all the resources we need to survive, thrive, endure, persevere and bloom where we are planted. He will enable you to grow strong and vital in Him.

Our part is to look to Him and ask for all the help we need each day as we are fed by His word and watered by Holy Spirit anointing and grace.

The plan

Dear God,
You know better than anyone how much I long for change in my life. Being different due to circumstances beyond my control doesn't suit someone as insecure as I am. It makes me feel vulnerable and I want to hide away at times.

In my pursuit of a God-sized dream, I have been brought up short by the difficulties of answering the questions Holley poses each week. Some have been a little easier than others but all are challenging - as indeed they should be for this purpose.

We cannot grow without being stretched and moved beyond our comfort zones. Life isn't meant to be lived without the desire to learn and experience change. No lasting change comes to us without effort.

In my heart, since childhood, I have yearned for and earnestly wanted a life less challenging and More Ordinary. To blend in with the crowd. Be the same. Be 'Normal'. 

Though the circumstances and experiences I have had only served to set me apart. Not as a leader but an Outsider. Not quite one of the gang. Different, yet the same in my flawed humanity.

Once again, I am having to tailor my responses to be personal to me rather than somehow blend in with what may be anticipated. 

This week we are being asked what we can do to stop delaying and start doing to implement our God-sized dream right where we are, presuming that last week's decision on what to decrease has opened up some space to fill.

Lord, You revealed that Tension was the thing for me to decrease. Try as I might (if that isn't an oxymoron for tension relief) I cannot relieve a life-time of bad habits in one week.

So I think, I pray, I wonder what to do.

And, taking into account all that is going on health-wise and otherwise in my life, I have a plan - A To Do that is becoming essential for me. In the ABC I have chosen to follow, the letter B is now a priority.

I think You are asking me to BE:

• Still
• Relaxed
• Able to cease from a tendency to stress, worry and anxiety
• At rest in the unforced rhythms of Your grace
• At peace
• Happy to be myself
• In a position to aid recovery

So my Doing is not as active as expected. In fact, it looks positively inactive. It is more a way of pursuing a pathway of peace in the midst of personal challenge and pain. Instead of running full pelt to chase after my dream in a physical sense, I am required to inch forward tiny step by tiny step.

I'm not in any position to argue with that. These days I can't think or live as fluently as I want to. In implementing a better schedule of rest and addressing outstanding health issues, in taking what may look like a retrograde step, I hope to be able to move forward again.

Once again, I surrender to Your ways and Your wisdom. I may be taking the slow, circuitous route, but I am still on the journey and able to continue as You direct. 

I accept that Your plan for me is individual and personal, even if it chafes at times.

The space is most likely to be filled with this:

How can I function well in any capacity without it?

So,I thank you, God, for giving me:

• Insight
• Grace to cope
• Strength and energy to write this
• A stubborn determination to keep on keeping on
• Endurance in the race before me
• Perseverance in the face of trials
• Willingness to take the path less travelled
• Another book to read that has inspired me
• The knowledge and encouragement that You are always with me
• Awareness that my kind of Ordinary can be transformed into Your Extraordinary 

Amen.

In this post I am linking up with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team.

Hope to catch up with you again soon as God gives me grace, ability and strength! Any posts you see on here in the next few days are of the Blue Peter "here's one I made earlier" variety.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey of life and faith.

You can also link with  me on Facebook or follow on Twitter

Out of my depth

Have you been out of your depth recently? I have. It is easy to feel swamped and overwhelmed.

My tendency - even as an M.E sufferer - is to rush (OK metaphorically speaking) into things with both feet, arms flailing, legs akimbo. What I may lack in skill I more than make up for in enthusiasm as I eagerly bound into new things, straining at the leash with puppyish delight. Let me at it!

The I surface - red faced and breathless - left choking and spluttering while the more experienced people dive in smoothly and swim around in a seamless, steady, effortless, professional and efficient fashion. They look so graceful and confident. Life is easy for them. At least that's how it seems. Oh, how I long to BE THEM.

Why am I always the one left slinking off to the shallow end, desperately searching for something to hold on to while I recover my breath and try to feel the surface beneath my feet again? 

What started out looking comparatively easy and straightforward has brought too many challenges to deal with by myself. Or what looked too difficult becomes something I try to ignore and avoid doing.

Perhaps I'm not alone?
Maybe someone else can relate to feeling like:

• A failure
• Procrastinator
• Inadequate
• Hopeless

Sometimes life can cause us to react like this if:

• Waves of worry have sunk us into a fit of depression
• Tides of terror stalk our days and nights as fear knocks us sideways
• Streams of sorrow engulf and threaten to drown us
• Ripples of resentment or regret filter continually through our minds
• Crustaceans of comparison have stolen our joy

Our tendency may be to run away from our problems when waves of crisis or difficulty loom on the horizon. No matter if we subsequently suffer from more difficulties and frustrations later on as a consequence of our immediate cowardice or procrastination.
Guess what?

Such feelings are more common than we think - especially with things we ought to rather than choose to do.

In fact, the Bible has a great example in the book of Jonah. When he tried to run away from the clear challenge God had presented to him of preaching His word of repentance to the people of Nineveh, his life became far more complicated and dangerous as a result. He ended up in the belly of a great fish:

"Lord..You hurled me into the deep,

into the very heart of the seas,

and the currents swirled about me;

all your waves and breakers swept over me.

The engulfing waters threatened me,

the deep surrounded me;

seaweed was wrapped round my head" ~ Jonah 2:3, 5

He was someone who felt resentful and overwhelmed by the commission he was given and chose to follow his own instincts rather than the path that God had chosen for him.

Yet God showed Jonah grace and mercy by arranging for him to be swallowed by the fish instead of drowning. He was rescued and given a second chance. Jonah's story shows us that:

• Our way of looking at a situation is not the same as God's
• Our disobedience can be costly
• Our mission and calling are important
• Our trust in God to see us through is vital
• Our experiences can be lessons for others

The best way to beat the waves of trials and painful challenges is to: Face Them and admit our need of help outside our own resources.

So where did the defection and dereliction of duty leave Jonah? In the belly of a whale - a place where he gained a fresh perspective. Often God positions us in such a place. It may come by various means. 

But we can always rely on it to make us sit up and reconsider what God is asking us to do. God will still fulfil His purposes in, through and even despite of us at times. Grace and help are freely available.

"And when by God's grace I come through it all? Oh, the relief when I know the problem is behind me. With God's help I've beaten it. What an invigorating feeling!" ~ from 'Secret Strength' by Joni Eareckson Tada

We are helped far more than we may know:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" ~ Isaiah 41:10

I would love you to share your own experiences:

Can you relate to feeling out of your depth?
What helped or hindered the process?
Did a fresh perspective help you to see life differently?