The plan

Dear God,
You know better than anyone how much I long for change in my life. Being different due to circumstances beyond my control doesn't suit someone as insecure as I am. It makes me feel vulnerable and I want to hide away at times.

In my pursuit of a God-sized dream, I have been brought up short by the difficulties of answering the questions Holley poses each week. Some have been a little easier than others but all are challenging - as indeed they should be for this purpose.

We cannot grow without being stretched and moved beyond our comfort zones. Life isn't meant to be lived without the desire to learn and experience change. No lasting change comes to us without effort.

In my heart, since childhood, I have yearned for and earnestly wanted a life less challenging and More Ordinary. To blend in with the crowd. Be the same. Be 'Normal'. 

Though the circumstances and experiences I have had only served to set me apart. Not as a leader but an Outsider. Not quite one of the gang. Different, yet the same in my flawed humanity.

Once again, I am having to tailor my responses to be personal to me rather than somehow blend in with what may be anticipated. 

This week we are being asked what we can do to stop delaying and start doing to implement our God-sized dream right where we are, presuming that last week's decision on what to decrease has opened up some space to fill.

Lord, You revealed that Tension was the thing for me to decrease. Try as I might (if that isn't an oxymoron for tension relief) I cannot relieve a life-time of bad habits in one week.

So I think, I pray, I wonder what to do.

And, taking into account all that is going on health-wise and otherwise in my life, I have a plan - A To Do that is becoming essential for me. In the ABC I have chosen to follow, the letter B is now a priority.

I think You are asking me to BE:

• Still
• Relaxed
• Able to cease from a tendency to stress, worry and anxiety
• At rest in the unforced rhythms of Your grace
• At peace
• Happy to be myself
• In a position to aid recovery

So my Doing is not as active as expected. In fact, it looks positively inactive. It is more a way of pursuing a pathway of peace in the midst of personal challenge and pain. Instead of running full pelt to chase after my dream in a physical sense, I am required to inch forward tiny step by tiny step.

I'm not in any position to argue with that. These days I can't think or live as fluently as I want to. In implementing a better schedule of rest and addressing outstanding health issues, in taking what may look like a retrograde step, I hope to be able to move forward again.

Once again, I surrender to Your ways and Your wisdom. I may be taking the slow, circuitous route, but I am still on the journey and able to continue as You direct. 

I accept that Your plan for me is individual and personal, even if it chafes at times.

The space is most likely to be filled with this:

How can I function well in any capacity without it?

So,I thank you, God, for giving me:

• Insight
• Grace to cope
• Strength and energy to write this
• A stubborn determination to keep on keeping on
• Endurance in the race before me
• Perseverance in the face of trials
• Willingness to take the path less travelled
• Another book to read that has inspired me
• The knowledge and encouragement that You are always with me
• Awareness that my kind of Ordinary can be transformed into Your Extraordinary 

Amen.

In this post I am linking up with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team.

Hope to catch up with you again soon as God gives me grace, ability and strength! Any posts you see on here in the next few days are of the Blue Peter "here's one I made earlier" variety.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey of life and faith.

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