The plan

Dear God,
You know better than anyone how much I long for change in my life. Being different due to circumstances beyond my control doesn't suit someone as insecure as I am. It makes me feel vulnerable and I want to hide away at times.

In my pursuit of a God-sized dream, I have been brought up short by the difficulties of answering the questions Holley poses each week. Some have been a little easier than others but all are challenging - as indeed they should be for this purpose.

We cannot grow without being stretched and moved beyond our comfort zones. Life isn't meant to be lived without the desire to learn and experience change. No lasting change comes to us without effort.

In my heart, since childhood, I have yearned for and earnestly wanted a life less challenging and More Ordinary. To blend in with the crowd. Be the same. Be 'Normal'. 

Though the circumstances and experiences I have had only served to set me apart. Not as a leader but an Outsider. Not quite one of the gang. Different, yet the same in my flawed humanity.

Once again, I am having to tailor my responses to be personal to me rather than somehow blend in with what may be anticipated. 

This week we are being asked what we can do to stop delaying and start doing to implement our God-sized dream right where we are, presuming that last week's decision on what to decrease has opened up some space to fill.

Lord, You revealed that Tension was the thing for me to decrease. Try as I might (if that isn't an oxymoron for tension relief) I cannot relieve a life-time of bad habits in one week.

So I think, I pray, I wonder what to do.

And, taking into account all that is going on health-wise and otherwise in my life, I have a plan - A To Do that is becoming essential for me. In the ABC I have chosen to follow, the letter B is now a priority.

I think You are asking me to BE:

• Still
• Relaxed
• Able to cease from a tendency to stress, worry and anxiety
• At rest in the unforced rhythms of Your grace
• At peace
• Happy to be myself
• In a position to aid recovery

So my Doing is not as active as expected. In fact, it looks positively inactive. It is more a way of pursuing a pathway of peace in the midst of personal challenge and pain. Instead of running full pelt to chase after my dream in a physical sense, I am required to inch forward tiny step by tiny step.

I'm not in any position to argue with that. These days I can't think or live as fluently as I want to. In implementing a better schedule of rest and addressing outstanding health issues, in taking what may look like a retrograde step, I hope to be able to move forward again.

Once again, I surrender to Your ways and Your wisdom. I may be taking the slow, circuitous route, but I am still on the journey and able to continue as You direct. 

I accept that Your plan for me is individual and personal, even if it chafes at times.

The space is most likely to be filled with this:

How can I function well in any capacity without it?

So,I thank you, God, for giving me:

• Insight
• Grace to cope
• Strength and energy to write this
• A stubborn determination to keep on keeping on
• Endurance in the race before me
• Perseverance in the face of trials
• Willingness to take the path less travelled
• Another book to read that has inspired me
• The knowledge and encouragement that You are always with me
• Awareness that my kind of Ordinary can be transformed into Your Extraordinary 

Amen.

In this post I am linking up with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized dream team.

Hope to catch up with you again soon as God gives me grace, ability and strength! Any posts you see on here in the next few days are of the Blue Peter "here's one I made earlier" variety.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey of life and faith.

You can also link with  me on Facebook or follow on Twitter

Let's start at the very beginning

In the words of the song  'Do-Re-Mi' from the 'Sound of Music':

"Let's start at the very beginning

A very good place to start.

When you read you begin with A-B-C.."

The new alphabet of activity I am learning for this year begins with - 'A' for Attending

My priority is:

• To attend to God's voice
• Listen well
• Respond with prompt obedience instead of the usual vacillation 
• Run to the throne not the phone
• Make prayer less of a monologue and more of a dialogue

Sounds impressive. Gulp! Making and reading this list is one thing; carrying it out is quite another. I know my own wayward, easily distracted heart and I don't expect to be able to do these things perfectly at all.

Bad habits don't change overnight. Good habits take at least 21 days to establish. Baby steps one step at a time is the way forward.

In doing so I'm in pursuit of my God-sized dream for 2013:

'To draw closer to God and discover His specific plan for me creatively and personally'

 This week I am challenged to "Do one thing to move forward" in my goal. Scripture challenges me with these verses as I attempt to live out what I aim to achieve:

"So if you're serious about living the new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up and be alert to what is going on around Christ - that's where the action is. See things from His perspective" ~ Colossians 3:1 - 3  The Message (emphasis added)

So what will it mean to 'attend' to God?

• Wait on
• Be present
• Go regularly to
• Give attention to
• Listen to
• Apply oneself
• Direct one's mind and efforts towards
• Be a companion

My one thing to move forward in my goal is:

Starting my day with reading 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young accompanied by 'Prayer Journal - Developing a Conversation with God' by Joyce Huggett. (Okay, 2 things really but they link together!)

The book by Sarah Young was a requested Christmas gift and I had no idea what a beloved treasure it would prove to be. Sarah shares her personal messages from the Lord over a period of time, with Bible verses linking to the theme. Many of these messages are speaking greatly into my life too. I yearn for her experience:

"The practice of listening to God has increased my intimacy with Him more than any other spiritual discipline.." ~ Sarah Young in 'Jesus Calling'

I am using the Prayer Journal's 'Prayer Jottings' section - which Joyce notes as "a place for recording prayer jottings where we write to God and He writes to us" (emphasis added) to record my conversations with God as He speaks to me in various ways from scripture, music, conversations with others, glimpses of His glory around me, art and literature, and personal words tenderly spoken directly from His Father heart to my heart.

So far I have been amazed at the amount of words which the Father is pouring into my life and equally ashamed at how little I listened before - to my detriment.

I'd like to close with a prayer by Ken Gire:

"A Prayer for Grace"

Thank you, God,

For those moments in my life

when You opened a window

and offered a word

that nourished the hunger in my soul.

Give me the grace to realize

that these are the words I live by,

not by bread alone

whatever form that bread may take

however satisfying it may seem at the time.

Give me grace to live not just reflectively but receptively,

that I may not only notice when a window is opened

but also receive what is offered,

understanding that what is offered

is my soul's daily bread.

©KenGire1996 from 'Windows of the Soul'

Pause to ponder:

What is capturing your attention this year?

Is God asking you to prioritise your activities?

In this post I am linking up with Holley Gerth's God-sized Dream. 


I am grateful to have the company, encouragement and support from Holley, her team and the wonderful women also participating in this journey. Do join us!

Priorities: Pursuing my God-sized Dream

To do or not to do? That is the question.

Deadlines loom. Priorities assume importance.

Putting First Things First is essential. No procrastination or prevarication now.

But how do we know what to prioritise in the everyday run of life?

Our 'To Do' list may be enormous yet never get much ticked off it.

Over the last few weeks when physical health problems have been more pronounced, prioritising and pacing have become more important to me than ever. I'm still learning the lesson the hard way.

Although I've enjoyed getting involved with social media in recent months and really treasure the friendships I've made and support I've gained, it has also taken a lot of time and energy I cannot always afford to expend. 

I've also noticed other areas of my life suffering from neglect. The dusty journal stares reproachfully at me as I favour tweeting and blogging to share my thoughts instead.

There are enough books (physical and e-copies) in my house to stock a mini library but many go unread as the majority of my 'reading' is composed of other people's messages, blogs and poetry on-line rather than books.

My own writing and poetry suffer by way of comparison with that of others (never a good idea!) or from a lack of energy, drive and motivation once I've read such a lot elsewhere - inspiring as much of it is.

Extended family and friends in general rarely get a look in either as I lack the necessary health, strength or fitness required to visit them and often find phone calls too taxing; such is the way with M.E. and chronic illness. And - most urgently - Where is God in all of this?

Something has to change and soon. 

When there is a medical need for resuscitation then the ABC's come into play: 

• Airway
• Breathing
• Circulation

How do I resuscitate a dying inner life? What should my priorities be? Perhaps a new A-B-C is called for?

Since this New Year has commenced I have been reminded to seek God's wisdom first and foremost. 

To help me assess what God is asking me to do and be this year, I am connecting with Holley Gerth's 'God-sized Dream'  exploration.

I have many thoughts, goals and desires for this year, especially writing projects. 

Any one of them could have been chosen to be the one I focus on as all would be God-sized dreams requiring His enabling and equipping. 

Yet, I sense God is asking me to go back to basics with Him before I can move forward with any of my plans. 

Then He can implant His dream within me as I pay attention to Him.

With that in mind:

My God-sized dream goal is: 

To draw closer to God and discover His specific plan for me creatively and personally

My new A-B-C  is beginning to look like this: Attending - Being - Committing

What will this look like in reality? I'm not too sure yet. What I do know is that I am ready to make the journey and anticipate ups and downs along the way! More will be revealed in the weeks ahead as I add detail to each A-B-C.

"We can only do what we are able to do; but inspired by the Spirit it's always a beautiful thing in Jesus' sight" ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

The aim is to start to show healthy Vital Signs of God at work in my life as more of His life is worked in and through the way I live - to His praise and glory. This is the hoped for end result:

"You will become courageous. You will have victories you never thought possible. And you will be filled up with what you really need, which is less of you and more of Jesus in your life" ~ Holley Gerth

A Closing Prayer to reflect on:

"May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever. 

Amen" ~ Hebrews 13:20 - 21

I'm linking here with Holley Gerth and friends as we explore our God-sized dreams. Do take a look. It is not too late to get involved! The more the merrier. 

We can encourage, support, uphold and commiserate with one another as we delve into all God has for us this year and our attempts to live it out.

I'd love you to join me on this journey and contribute your own thoughts too.

You can also connect with me here on Facebook or here on Twitter.

Because you're worth it

It's that time of year again. Warmly, reassuringly, comfortingly familiar. With mystery at its heart to make it extra special.

We buy the presents. We buy into the pressure to spend, spend, spend.

We buy what we think others will like, need, deserve maybe.

Packaged, beribboned, sparkly, glittering, tantalising,  tempting in their shiny splendour.

Such adornments can either mask the meagre offering within or suggest its inestimable worth.

With sweat of furrowed brow, thrust of elbow, throbbing of feet, jangling of nerves, jingling of coins, ringing of tills and emptying of wallets, we make our offering and sacrifice at the altar of Consumerism.

We assign worth and value to the things we purchase:consumables that can so easily consume us, our hearts, energy and time - because we are worth it - and so are the people we buy for: our loved ones, family and friends.

As gift-giving is one of my love languages it helps me to express how I care for those I buy for. That careful selection (Wish Lists and online shopping are such a boon) so often gives way to hastily thrown together parcels as I find myself drained, exhausted, depleted and dazed in an M.E - blurred and fogged race against the clock to get it all completed before The Day itself.

Each year I vow to change:

• To pace myself better
• To stop the panic.
• To buy less.
• To give more to charity.
• To cease from being sucked in by consumerism.

To stop. Be still. Reflect on The One who is worthy of my time, limited energy and attention. To make a priority to focus more on The Gift Himself rather than the gifts to purchase.

How do I make space for Jesus when my days are filled with concern about how much there is to do and how little time I have to try to do it all in? It can be a struggle.

So much of what we celebrate is tainted by worldliness, a perennial keeping up with and out-smarting of  the Joneses, while we demonstrate how multi-skilled, talented and capable we are at meeting the multiplicity of demands upon our lives - frantically juggling those numerous balls in the air (with a fixed smile on our faces) for all we are worth.

So much of our lives is dominated by the need to belong, fit in, be a part of what is current and trendy

The desire to fill our need for self-worth with Things can leave a gaping hole - an empty space of dissatisfaction, disillusionment, discouragement and despair once the lure of the new has waned.

We are worth more than that and we were created for so much more.

'Space'

The holes in our existence

speak of

S-P-A-C-E

writ larger than we: 

Success

Popularity

Acclaim

Celebrity

Ego.

Things we chase

and grasp

so fleetingly

when a vaster Universe

lies within our reach:

Serenity

Peace

Acceptance

Change

Eternity.

In clutching

at straws

we lose

not only Life

but our very

souls

©JoyLenton2012

Our worthiness lies in recognising our need of change, then taking the first step of faith to being in relationship with God, The One who is worthy of the surrender of our hopes, dreams, expectations and lives into His hands.

The Heart of Worship - 

"When the music fades, 

all is stripped away 

and I simply come; 

longing just to bring 

something that's of worth, 

that will bless Your heart."...

©MattRedman1994 - You can click on the link to hear the full song

The word "worship" literally means "worthiness" or "worth-ship". Simply put, worship is to ascribe worth to something or someone.

Let's try to remember in the rush and crush of Christmas - The Light of lights, King of kings, Lord of lords, Prince of peace, Word made flesh, Who deserves our every breath, prayer, praise and worship.

Chorus:

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship,

and it's all about You,

all about You, Jesus.

I'm sorry, Lord,

for the thing I've made it,

when it's all about You,

all about You, Jesus"

The heart of worship is to bow our hearts before God in wonder, adoration and surrender to all that He is and all that He has done for us in Jesus Christ.

Points to ponder:

The challenge before us this Christmas remains:

Who or what are we worshipping?

What gifts can you offer to God?

I'm linking up here with Tanya Marlow's Advent Thoughts - do check it out