Showing posts with label discouragement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discouragement. Show all posts

Monday, 26 August 2013

Having that Monday morning feeling?

On a Bank Holiday, many will breathe a sigh of relief as they silence alarm, turn over and allow themselves the luxury of a little snooze, knowing that they can do so with an easy conscience.

Yes, it's Monday. But school's out. Office is closed. Work can wait for another day. This a moment to savour. Freedom beckons. 

And they rise (hopefully at a time of their choosing) to face a day with choices, potential and liberty from the norm.

A day awaits to spend time with the family and loved ones, or to pursue interests, hobbies, chosen activities instead of facing the daily grind.

Or maybe just an opportunity to sleep more, rest, relax, and be still for a while.

Only...

What if that understandable 'Monday morning feeling' of being low and blue is still there? What if it never really leaves us?

Sometimes, holiday times can magnify our innate misery as we expect to feel better than we do. How can we feel so bad when this is meant to be a period of relaxation?

With less focus on the mundane, with inability to lose ourselves in the everyday toil, with expectation of enjoyment heaped upon us, we may recoil and remember all that disturbs our days and haunts our nights.

Life challenges and stretches us in numerous ways.

We can feel pulled taut as elastic.

Unwinding feels more like pinging and stinging in all directions.

Discouragement rises as we reflect on our days, achievements (or the lack of them), all that fazes and disappoints, all that we struggle with and try to swallow down.

I've had a lot of moments like that recently as hopes, plans and expectations for the Summer months have been eclipsed by the reality of hitting rock bottom in health, strength and energy.

And the August Bank Holiday is a stark reminder that Summer is almost at an end. Autumn stands hovering at the threshold and Winter will creep in without much warning.

With M.E and arthritis symptoms increasing, and pain ever present, it has been all too easy to slide into discouragement, sadness and defeat whenever I compare my inabilities with my desires.

In times like that I forget the tiny steps forward and the ways God is blessing me in other areas of my life.

Progress isn't always a measurable, quantifiable thing, especially not in the spiritual realm. So much is hidden, waiting to be revealed in God's timing.

And that's a familiar trap for many. Maybe you too? With physical and/or emotional burdens and life's challenges multiplying, we can forget the steps forward we have already taken.

Then we fall into making comparisons with others or with our own (as yet unfulfilled) hopes and dreams.

We live with a world view of accomplishments, achievements and success that only succeeds in sucking the life out of us as we struggle to fit the mould.

This a surefire way for the enemy of our souls to attempt to render us ineffective, worn out, weary and burnt out.

Here, I present a poetic depiction of those feelings in sympathy and empathy for all who may have been or currently are in this position.

As you read and reflect, please feel free to share your thoughts and leave a prayer request if you would like to.

In lifting one another in prayer we can offer great support and encouragement.


A lonely tent

'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God' ~ Psalm 42:5




Discouragement is a place where I dwell and
know all of its distinguishing features so well.

Walls papered over with disappearing dreams,
unmet goals, dashed hopes and failed schemes.

As I sit within its suffocating frame, low
deep in my soul sit defeat, sorrow and shame.

No-one can stand here strong, tall as tree
for all is brokenness, sadness, no taste of victory.

Instead,we lie drooping with disappointment, having
nothing to raise head or spirit when bowed with discontent.

Everything dark, dim, blurred and grim
with senses heightened only to pain within.

Despair and depression hover close by, seeking
admittance to steal, kill and destroy.

And our gloom sits heavy as stone when this
place feels familiar like a second home.

A room with no view, no brightness, no light,
where we cower a while, out of reach, out of sight

of all that's good, warm and familiar, our eyes unable
to see beyond broken hopes as we drown in worry and fear.

Where is the Door?
Where is the Light?
Where is The Way?
An escape from this continual night.

Until a Hand reaches out to hold our own
saying, “Child, this place is not your permanent home.
Come with Me. Open your mind and heart to receive
My Love and the guidance My Word will impart.

And a chink appears as our armour slips and a cry
of recognition falls from our lips as we stumble

and fumble our way through the dark, looking for
The Light and The Way to walk

knowing deep down as we take God's hand
that His home is where we really belong

and can stand strong against the discontent
that pulls us down with anguished heart and furrowed frown.

Closing the door on discouragement for now, we rise
to face the day away from this lonely tent

with faith that this too will pass and this place
we visit will become history at last.

©JoyLenton2013


Please remember, you are not alone.

You don't have to suffer in silence.

Help is at hand for all of us.

God is only a breath, a prayer away.

And, hard as it might be to believe right now, we can rest in the knowledge that 'This too shall pass'.

Our circumstances may not improve, but we can learn how to react to them in a more positive, less self-defeating way.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I shall never be shaken" ~ Psalm 62:1-2

*******


Tuesday, 5 February 2013

A familiar fear


It creeps up on me again.

'You've really done it This Time'. 

Whispers close.

Breathing and hissing out its venom.

A voice I know too well and cannot ignore.

Did I think I could break the habits of a lifetime?

When life is littered with a trail of:
 
Unfinished projects 

Dreams unfulfilled
 
Tasks to be done
 
A heavy weight of expectancy burying all hopes of finally achieving my goals

This year I had a dream. I went public with it. Shared it openly. Making the humiliation complete. When failure seems to be a default position for a person with perfectionism allied with chronic physical illness and weakness.

Failure

Looming 
over it all
A word 
that marks us out
Gives away 
our inner state

Overshadows hope
Brings grief 
and gloom
Pain 
and sadness
Bleeds despair

Awful in 
its familiarity
Pinned on a board
Marked on a card
Stamped on a form
Spoken over us

Engraved on 
our hearts
Fresh wound to add 
to all the rest
Yet another
Failure
©JoyLenton2013

Did I really expect it to be any different This Time?

Don't these patterns repeat themselves ad infinitum?

No. No. And Thrice No. It needn't be that way. We can step off that treadmill!
" I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" ~ Thomas Eddison
Too often, our ideas of failure stem from a heightened expectation of the perceived outcome, rather than genuine slip-ups or mistakes. We can be our own worst enemies in many respects.

In writing about my fear of failure in following my God-sized dream, I am looking to follow Holley's encouragement to also seek the truth that's bigger than that fear.

I am discovering there is freedom in learning to let go of:

The pretence of having-it-all-together

Perfectionist tendencies

People approval issues

Memories of past failures

Unrealistic expectations

Low self-esteem


Instead, I am learning to embrace:

The truth of who I am in Christ

Knowing that God's perfect love casts out fear

Being a 'work in progress'

Making mistakes as a way of growth

Falling down only to get up again

Resilience rather than defeatism

Failure needn't mean stopping something. It doesn't have to signal an end. Rather, it is an open door of opportunity for growth, for learning, and developing the fruit of patience, wisdom, endurance and  perseverance

The truth is that God's word and His grace are far bigger than any fear

As we allow His word to invade our hearts and minds, absorb its message and let it penetrate our understanding, it gradually fills the space where fear and dread once lived.

Freedom comes from surrendering fear and substituting it with faith

Despite the way it may feel, failure can be a stepping-stone to success as we yield to the lessons it teaches us. All it takes is a recognition of our need and courage to want to overcome the paralysing affects fear has on our everyday lives.

This may be one of those times for you too. Whatever your particular fear might be, will you join me as we 'feel the fear and do it anyway'? 

We are not alone. God has gone ahead of us to prepare the way we will walk in and we have the reassurance of His word:

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control" ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified)

Let's aim to:
 
Heed His voice more than our feelings.

Rest our restless hearts in His Presence.
                                              
Immerse ourselves in His word.

Trust that God is changing us little by little.

Take tentative steps of faith that will grow with practise.

Believe we can be Overcomers in this area too.

Seek support and encouragement from others.

Pause to ponder:

What fears are holding you back from realising your dreams?
How do you plan to conquer them?

In this post I am linking up with Holley Gerth and the rest of the God-sized Dream team. We'd love you to join us on the journey. More to come next week!

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