Showing posts with label #chronicillness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #chronicillness. Show all posts

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

You're not invisible


If someone told you you're not invisible would you cringe with embarrassment and look for the nearest hole to hide in, or sigh with relief?

Much depends on what you want known or what you desire to hide.

In this over-exposed world we live in, where every celebrity sneeze is recorded and all our achievements (and the lack thereof) are public property, it's hard to melt into the margins unless we work at being separate and seek ways to come apart from the crowd.

Although, from time to time all of us can feel like ghost-shadows passing in the street as we hover around with no discernible sign of our presence being found.

Social media works fine if you want to be sociable, although it's possible to feel more isolated than ever as we get snared in the comparison trap, checking our lifestyles with one another and seeing how we fall short of the perceived ideal.

Healthy interest can soon become snide comparison, envy and jealousy.

And many feel invisible, lost and alone with their shame, pain, illness and distress. They don't desire to be ignored, yet often are.

Society has a way of stigmatising and labelling people which fails to take into account their unique human perspective, struggles and challenges.

But they are human beings just like you and me - made in God's image, precious and beloved in His sight.

They actually want nothing more than the right kind of attention:understanding and appreciation, a friendly listening ear, consideration, thoughtful and loving care.

God sees, hears, witnesses all we go through, all we are and all we're in the process of becoming. He knows our life's end from its beginning.

He extends grace and mercy toward all, especially the down-trodden, disabled, despised, destitute, discouraged and depressed.

And that's good news, isn't it? It's gospel news - liberating, life-changing and transforming.

Each moment is an opportunity to begin again.

Every day is a fresh breathing space of grace.

Our situations may remain the same; life may be a tremendous struggle just to keep head above water - and we still have this to cling to.




We are outrageously, unconditionally and mercifully loved by One who knows us better than we know ourselves, whose Spirit lives and breathes within, whose mantle of righteousness covers every stain of sin, guilt and shame.

My friend, you are not invisible to Him. Every hair on your head is counted. He doesn't miss a thing about you.

I've clung to these truths in my daily battle with M.E and chronic illness, living a life overshadowed by childhood abuse and its repercussions, experiencing profound physical weakness, pain and fatigue.

I'm aware that many misunderstand my illness, fail to see how writing a blog post may be the only active thing I can do in a day and how a simple task like taking a shower can leave me pole-axed for hours.

They may also shrink away from the painful personal things I've shared and fail to see how God equips and inspires my words to help others feel less alone with their own struggles.

Because we're all too quick to judge one another rather than stepping inside their shoes with eyes of empathy and compassion, aren't we? 

I'm not exempt. Insecurity can make me cling to what's familiar and shy away from different.

What if we tried to see others as God sees them?

How would it be if we made an effort:

To listen closely without interruption or planning what we're going to say next.

To offer time and attention.

To withhold from judgement and criticism.

To be kind.

To notice their needs.

To offer grace, forgiveness and mercy.

To pray for them and with them.

To recognise that we're all in a battle and other people are not the real enemy.

To lean heavy on grace and lightly on guilt-tripping.

To be the voice, the hands and feet of Jesus in this world.

Maybe... just maybe... we will offer His visibility and help them see how He sees them too. It's worth a try, yes? 

And as we do so we will find how deep down, at soul level, we are more alike than we knew.

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

The best motivation of all









My heart leaps at the sight of him. 

He turns at the sound of my voice, eyes lighting up as recognition dawns.

Then he scampers toward me on all fours, a big beaming grin on his face.

One tiny hand after another planted on my legs as he totters successfully to his feet.

Throwing caution to the winds, (and abandoning the support of my walking stick) I stoop and scoop him to me.

We haven't seen one another in the flesh for almost a month, so we slowly become reacquainted again. 

I hold him close, marvelling at my grandson's warm weightiness and the beautiful feel of him, just as I did when he was only a few days old.

Yes, it would have been safer for me to have sat and waited while a parent passed him to me but I was impatient to cuddle him straight away.

We play together for a while and I am child again in his company.

Forgetting my limitations, pressing past the pain, I revel in the freedom of being here with the little boy who lights up my life.

I could have been more cautious, exercised some common-sense.

I could have thought more about the effects on my body of bending low and lifting his small frame.

I could have decided I was too unfit, too sore, too stiff to engage in lifting, never mind play.



But I didn't.

Admittedly, I can't do crawling races and chases like daddy or grandpa can, nor can I run or walk swift to keep apace with him like others will do.

I am the grandma who mostly sits, slides gradual and careful to the floor, the one who bends M.E and arthritic-stiff legs slowly sideways before they protest too much.

I can still stack cups, build brick towers, shake rattles and soft toys, play peek-a-boo and feed him his meals.

I will be the one who reads stories, sings nursery rhymes, does puzzles and plays the slower games.

I may be the one who gives him wheelchair rides instead of pushchair ones. Who knows?

And much as I treasure each moment and opportunity to be with him, there is always a degree of payback afterwards.

For each extra exertion comes a fresh wave of pain and fatigue, maybe unnoticed at the time (such is my focus on the moment) but relentless soon afterwards.

It can take many days to recover from pushing myself too much. Often weeks.

Though it all pales into insignificance besides the opportunity to be with my family, share time, show love.

Because in the end, love is the best and strongest motivation of all.

It changes us as we give out to others. We willingly leave our comfort zones, embrace new things, extend ourselves beyond our previous capacities.

The heart of the matter is always a matter of the heart. 

As God's love gradually thaws, restores, envelops and invades our hearts, we become open to the possibility of transformation and change.

The real, open-eyed aware, deep sacrificial, complete, unconditional, totally giving love of God helps set us free from ourselves.

It helps us grow into faith and maturity, to be sacrificial, show compassion, give generously of ourselves, our time and resources.



"We love because He first loved us" ~ 1 John 4:19

Our human way of love, wonderful as it can be, is but a poor imitation and reflection of God's love.

This is what we are aiming for as we grow more into Christ-likeness:

"Love never gives up. 
Love cares for others more than self. 
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. 
Love doesn't strut, 
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep a score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of the truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end." (1 Corinthians 13:3-13 ~ The Message)

I'm a long way off loving like this but I have a deep appreciation for the love which God has already implanted in my heart, which keeps increasing as I grow in faith and understanding.

We are born to love God and to love others. To live unselfish lives.

And what stronger motivation do we need than seeing how much God loves us and desires to be in relationship with us?

Friday, 17 October 2014

How to regain joy and peace



Several days have passed in a cloud of unknowing.

Mists of time where I have lost sense of God's presence.

Drifted away within a haze of pain, a plethora of painkillers and a fog of fatigue.

I've felt too weary to pray, to read, to converse, or be seen.

But God...

He held me closer than the sharp darts of pain.

He kept me safe when I failed to notice His Presence.

He reminded me of My great need of His grace.

He whispered words of comfort to my aching, frustrated heart.

This too shall pass. No pain is ever permanent or permanently as relentless as this.

No suffering could steal me away from His hands. He is just a breath, a prayer away.

He is ever close to the hurting, the weak, the weary, the discouraged and the needy.

And He reassured me His love for me wasn't based on my performance, effort, ability or the lack thereof. 

God loves us Just As We Are right now, and as we are continually changing into all He intends us to become.

As the fog of forgetfulness, pressure of persistent pain and cloak of weakness began to lift a little today, God also reminded me I still have a voice.

I still have a mission. I still have a word to share. I still have work to do for Him.

A way to encourage others going through tough times.

The key is to keep on listening, keep on trusting, keep on seeking after God's heart, rest where necessary and believe that words will flow when they should.

Now armed with a bit of Holy Spirit-given awareness, peace and energy, I am sharing words God whispered close to me in prayer over a week ago and brought to my remembrance today.

May they help, bless, encourage and reassure you too.


Prayer Whisper:'Regaining joy and peace'


Don't be so hard on yourself, My child. I see your heart. I know you long to live differently and regain peace and joy. Your wanderings have shown you that seeking such things in the world is fruitless; you will only come up empty every time. The fleeting happiness it offers is rapidly replaced by the sour fruit of envy and comparison, disappointment, doubt and discouragement, sorrow and sadness. Full, true, lasting joy is only to be found in Me. I have an unstoppable flow running from My throne.

Come closer; lift your weary head and seek the light of My countenance. In My Presence is fullness of joy for ever more. Come bathe in My Love-light. Let it fill and flood your very being. There is nothing to be afraid of; there is no darkness here. I bring you hope and healing, and freedom from despair. Come freely; come frequently. Allow My Spirit to fill you to overflowing so that there is blessing to give out to others.

I long for your company, for you to share every aspect of your day and life with Me. There is always a warm welcome here, no matter what has transpired. I offer the mercy, forgiveness, cleansing and restoration you need to heal all your brokenness.


Lay your burdens at My feet and leave them there. Don't be tempted to pick them up again once you go about your day. I will take care of them, carry every single one and answer every need. Trust Me to look after each tiny detail of your life. Nothing is too small to bring to Me, not too heavy for Me to handle. I am your Burden-bearer and the lifter of your head. Release them all into My hands and be freed to live lightly and joyfully again”

******
If you would like to be further encouraged in your walk of faith by similar 'Prayer Whispers' then click on the category over at poetryjoy.com to read more.

This post is part of my attempt to #writebraveandfree for #31days, though I am only joining in as health, energy and inspiration allow me to. If you're curious to know more, it all began here.. 

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Run out of steam?





Hi,
Perhaps you are somebody who is firing on all cylinders? I hope so. Or you may have periods in the day when you are 'up and at 'em' and others where you slump wearily and are desperate for the next caffeine fix or - even just to take a break..Please!!

Feeling tired is common to us all. Life can be hectic and it can seem as if we have so much to try to fit into so little time. 

Short-term health problems can temporarily frustrate and derail us. What if being unwell, sick and tired was your permanent state of being?

Welcome to the world of the Chronically Sick

  • It's largely a Secret Club
  • Members don't wear badges -  though they may use Blue ones
  • It costs nothing to join -  but may take everything you have from you
  • There are no meetings to attend -  although plenty of doctor's surgeries and hospitals to visit
  • It isn't always obvious that you belong -   the criteria for joining can be largely hidden from others
  • It can be a temporary membership lasting months/years -  or you may be in it for decades
  • The perks can be Care and Attention, Free Equipment and Medication -  or not 
  • You join by default -  but opting out can be impossible
  • Your experience of membership may differ widely -   from others or your own expectations
  • Once you belong -  others may never see you in the same light again
I am writing this because it is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and my own life has suffered a serious derailment with M.E., Fibromyalgia and Arthritis

In the early days the effects of my illness were often hidden. In my worst times I was housebound and bed-bound and thus away from public scrutiny. 

It was easier to believe that this was an unwelcome, temporary blip in my life and recovery was just around the corner.

After 20 years +  there are signs that are more obvious to others even when I've made a huge effort -  in terms of energy expended -  to appear 'normal''.

Suffering the long-term effects of any illness, whether mental or physical, includes:

  • The awful side-effects of medication
  • The deep bone weariness with it all
  • The feeling that the pain may never end
  • The grief for the loss of the life we anticipated
Alongside the changes in looks and body shape/tone/fitness levels is a far more insidious change of identity crisis as we may no longer feel, look, act or function as we used to. 

Such changes can take years to overcome as we learn to adapt and adjust to the new person we are becoming.

That change of outlook can be as traumatic or feel even worse than the actual illness itself. Yet deep inside I am the same person I have always been.

I wrote a poem called 'Invasion' (you can find it here in the post 'How does your garden grow?') in an attempt to describe something of what it can feel like to have M.E. 

The poem below is another way to view having an Invisible Chronic Illness whereby confusion can set in as to who we are and how best to describe ourselves to others.

It is written less emotively and in a more light-hearted fashion than the one mentioned above. Hopefully, those of you who experience such problems  - either personally, as a carer, or within your immediate circle - will be able to relate to its sentiments.

I'm like....?



There are many tasks
I just have to shirk
My spirit is willing,
but my body won't work

I'm like a car
That's stuck in reverse,
stalling, low on fuel,
gear changes make it worse

I'm like a carriage
shunted to the siding;
Speedy trains pull away,
while I remain in hiding

I'm like an engine
that's missing a bolt;
Push me too hard
and I grind to a halt

I'm like a candle
stuttering in the breeze,
struggling to stay alight,
snuffed out with ease

What I'm trying to say
is difficult, you see;
I'm not quite myself - 
but I'm Still Me
©JoyLenton2012

The journey I am taking in life and faith is being written here. 
I would love you to join me on the journey and share your thoughts too.